


Let Me In

by silenceisdeafening



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Abandonment, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alive L (Death Note), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Yagami Light Is Not Kira (Death Note), Amusement Parks, Anxiety, Autistic L (Death Note), Bed-Wetting, Broken Promises, Caregiver Light, Chess, Childishness, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute L (Death Note), Diapers, Dreams, Drug Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Good Sibling Yagami Sayu, Good Yagami Light, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, L Has Feelings (Death Note), L Has a Heart, L Needs a Hug (Death Note), L and Light Win, L is a cinnamon roll, L just wants love, L needs to use his words, Light Yagami Has a Heart, Light takes L outside, Little L, M/M, Mind Games, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifier - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Separation Anxiety, Sharing a Bed, Shopping Malls, Shy L (Death Note), Shyness, Sleepy Cuddles, Stuffed Toys, Teddy Bears, Temper Tantrums, Thumb-sucking, Touch-Starved, Watari is not good, Wetting, alternate universe - littles are known, he just does not want it broken, our boys bond over chess, time outs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 59,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26734183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceisdeafening/pseuds/silenceisdeafening
Summary: L is a Little trying to hide that fact that he is a Little under the influence of Watari.Light is a Caregiver who L cannot help but feel drawn to.
Relationships: L & Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 242
Kudos: 512





	1. Little and Caregiver

**Author's Note:**

> Littles are Known AU.  
> Light is not Kira in this at all. He is a Junior at university doing an internship with the NPA when the Kira killings started.  
> Watari is an abusive asshole in this one; you have been warned.  
> L is just a sweet cinnamon roll who needs protection.

Chapter 1: The Little and the Caregiver

People were divided into the categories of neutrals, caregivers, and littles. 

Littles were divided into the age ranges of a big kid (7-11), little kid (4-6), toddler (2-4), and infant (6 months- 2 years). The younger the little, the less valued they were by society. They were meant to be good babies and controlled for the rest of their lives. 

L Lawliet had heard that all his life. Littles were useless. Littles were burdens. Littles were not wanted. So, when his classification papers came back as Little: Infant, he was terrified. No one would want him anymore. Mr. Wammy would not want him anymore. Mr. Wammy would kick him out of Wammy’s House as he had done before to kids classified as a little. L did not want to be alone! 

L knew that he could not hide the classification from Wammy, so L went up to the man, nearly in tears, and handed him his classification papers. Wammy looked so angry and disappointed. 

“I-I’m sorry, Mr. Wammy,” L apologized, though he knew he could not control it. “Please, please don’t get rid of me.” 

“You are our best and brightest,” Wammy said, considering it for a moment. 

Wammy made a deal with him. If he took regression suppression medication and pheromone blocking medication, making him present as a neutral, L could stay at Wammy’s House. L agreed. He did not want to lose the only home he ever had. 

So, at age thirteen, L started taking suppressants. The other employees noticed the change in L almost immediately. He had always been a quiet and calm child, but he would at least talk to them. Now L seemed withdrawn, spending more time in his room than ever and only spoke to Wammy. His sleep had gotten even worse. L had never been a good sleeper, but now it seemed he only ever slept a few hours every three or four days. He consumed more sweets and caffeine than a child his age (or an adult) should be able to handle. L started looking sickly, his already pale skin turning nearly transparent and heavy, dark bags appearing under his eyes. The small hunch in his back got progressively worse. Instead of growing as a thirteen-year-old boy should, he seemed to be shrinking. Cases, which had been a pastime for him for years, had started taking over his life. 

The employees were concerned about their "Little Genius," as most of the employees called him. So, they brought their concerns up to Wammy. Wammy assured them that L was just going through puberty and experiencing the ordinary hormonal effects of that. 

The explanation did not satisfy the employees; they had seen hundreds of children go through puberty. Sure, behavioral and mood changes were expected, but they were still the same child. The L they were seeing was not their Little Genius. 

One day, Charlie, a nanny who had known L since he came to the orphanage, decided to ask L about the changes. She was worried that the cases were becoming too much for him to handle, or the other kids were bullying him again. 

"Hello, Ms. Charlie," L greeted when she opened his door. It was the first time she heard his voice in weeks. It was getting lower, and that was the only change that she was going to attribute to puberty. 

"Hi, Lawliet," Charlie responded once she closed the door so that they could have privacy. 

"I'm worried about you," Charlie decided to rip it off like a bandaid, knowing that L preferred blunt ways of communication. 

"There is nothing to worry about, Ms. Charlie," L said, not looking up from whatever he was reading. 

Charlie rested her hand over L's, making him look at her, "don't give that, L. I know you. I know when something is wrong."

L opened his mouth, suddenly wanting to tell Charlie everything, but no words came out. Wammy's threats of living on the streets kept his voice under lock and key. He dropped his head. 

"C'mon, look at me, Little Genius," Charlie said. 

A flare of anger sparked in L's body at the old nickname, and he shouted, "don't call me that!"

Charlie had not seen L have an outburst in years, and the shouting was nowhere near the violent meltdowns he would have as a small child, but she was still shocked when L shouted at her. Over the nickname, she started because he was the youngest child ever to be accepted into Wammy's House. 

"Wanna try that again?" Charlie asked, with a raised eyebrow.

L looked back down and took a few deep breaths as Charlie taught him, "sorry," L muttered, and he did sound sorry. 

"It's okay," Charlie assured, "but do you want to tell me what that was all about?"

L shook his head. 

So, something was going on.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Charlie asked.

L nodded, though he knew he could not tell Charlie this. She would hate him. 

"And you know where to find me, right?" Charlie asked, knowing that L was starting to shut down from the conversation. 

L nodded again. 

"Okay," Charlie turned to look at what L was reading, " so what do we have here?"

A small smile lit up L's features as he explained the case to Charlie. It was the first smile she had seen in months, and the last she would see in years. After Charlie spoke to L, Wammy decided to take him out of the orphanage for cases, and Charlie did not see L for three long years. 

When he got back, he looked terrible. He was injured, apparently from crashing a car with the suspect's to catch him. His right arm was in a cast from the wrist to the shoulder; multiple ribs were broken. A lung had been punctured and required surgery. His right leg was in a cast from a broken ankle. He had several burns on his body that were expected to heal and leave minimal scarring. He was also stick thin. He had always been a small child, but he was now so thin that it was concerning. 

He would be bedridden for at least a few weeks, and because he could not take care of himself, Wammy decided to bring him back to Wammy's House when L could withstand travel. 

Wammy also decided that because L was bedridden and could not go to the bathroom himself or sit up even while assisted, to put him in diapers. 

L was mortified, and Charlie assumed it was because he was a sixteen-year-old boy expected to wear diapers. Charlie would have been mortified at that age as well. She, however, did not know that this was Wammy's way of punishing L for his self-destructive actions. 

Charlie had taken it upon herself to change L and take care of him. She did not trust some of the other staff members not to be too rough with her Little Genius. 

"It hurts, Ms. Charlie," L groaned. He was saying that a lot, but Charlie could not blame him. He was either in unbearable pain or past out because of the pain drugs. 

"I know, Lawliet," Charlie whispered, running her hand through his hair like she did when he was a small child and was sick. L leaned into the comforting touch. 

"I'm so sorry you are in so much pain, but I promise it'll get better."

"I know," L muttered, "is it medicine time?" 

In ten minutes, it would be medicine time, but Charlie was not going to make L suffer for those ten minutes while they waited for the timer to go off. 

"Yes, Little Genius," Charlie said. 

"Thank you," L said after Charlie helped him take his medicine. 

"You're welcome," she whispered to a quickly fading L. Not that she minded when L slept. It meant he was not in pain. So, she played with his hair until he was asleep. She then decided to change him. He would get agitated when she did it while he was awake. 

“I’m not a baby,” L would protest every time Charlie changed him while awake. 

Charlie tried to convince him that just because he needed to wear diapers that did not make him a baby, but L was not listening. So, she changed him when he did not know what was happening. 

Slowly, L healed. After eight weeks, the cast on his arm and ankle were taken off, and he could go to the bathroom by himself, and L had never been more relieved in his life. Wearing diapers and having them changed by Charlie was one of the most humiliating things he ever went through. There was a small part that liked it, though he would not admit that to anyone, not even himself. 

Once L was fully healed, Wammy took him back out to solve cases, and Charlie only saw him a few times every few years, and every time she did, he looked worse. Charlie wanted to do something to help L, but there was not much she could when L refused to tell her what was wrong. She hated it. 

…

Caregivers were also divided into categories. Caregivers had an age range that they would be best to care for, also called Best of Fit. Best of Fit could range from 6 months- 2 years or 4 years- 11 years or anything in between. It all depended on the personality of the caregiver. 

No one was surprised when Light Yagami received the classification of Caregiver at the age of fifteen. He had always shown the classic signs of being a Caregiver. He enjoyed being around younger children and helping to take care of them. He always helped his parents take care of his younger sister when she was a baby. He loved animals and taking care of animals. Light was always mature for his age. Plus, he was from a family of caregivers. All four of his grandparents were caregivers, as were his parents. 

Some were surprised by his Best of Fit range, which was six months through four years. His parents were slightly surprised, but they had never seen Light interact with biological infants or Little Infants. He babysat throughout high school to make a little side money (and did the same in college), and those children were mainly toddlers and younger children. The Littles that he interacted with were mostly Toddlers and Little Kids, and he interacted with Big Kids every once and a while when his parents “fostered” Littles. 

The more Light thought about it, however, the more it made sense to him. Caring for someone who was more dependent on him for care (diapers, feeding, baths) felt like a dream. A dream that he would never want to wake up from. 

During his last year of high school, Light had his life for the next few years planned out. He was going to To-Oh University, and because of his academic success, he would be able to skip most of the general education courses and just focus on his major courses. He was going to major in Criminal Justice with a minor in Forensic Science, and eventually, he would work at the NPA like his father. Once he had a steady income, he would begin looking for a Little, and possibly a romantic partner, but his future Little came first.

While Light was planning (and living) his perfect life, L was just trying to survive. He went case to case, putting away criminals and gaining a reputation as the world’s greatest detective. Every day, he swallowed down bitter-tasting suppression medications and pheromone blocking medications. If he were acting too childish, he would be forced to take more until his stomach hurt. So, he pushed down the want to be childish. He turned his nose up when he saw Caregivers in public looking after their Littles, even though he wanted nothing more than to have someone take care of him in that way. He walked through life, pretending to be a neutral because that is how he received love. L’s plan was to solve as many of the most challenging cases as possible and survive as a nurtural so that no one figured out his true identity. 

Light and L, however, did not know that their plans would be shattered in a few short years.


	2. Kira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the Kira investigation from Light's POV.

It was Light's junior year of university, and he started an internship under his father at the NAP. He was trying to prove himself and become known as a detective in his own right. He did not just want to be known as Soichiro Yagami's son or as the intern. 

That was when the Kira killings started. 

At first, it looked like a series of unrelated heart attacks of criminals. Still, after a couple of days of this, Light was not so sure, and he started looking more into it. Kira's first killing was more than likely a man who had a heart attack while trying to assault a woman, then a man who held a daycare hostage. Then it grew from there. Most of the killing centers around 6 pm- 12 am on the weekdays and every other weekend, then anytime on the other weekend. Though not all of the killings followed this schedule. Some days it started much later and went on until the early mornings. So, the schedule of a person who worked a little more than a 9 to 5. 

He brought his concerns up to his father two weeks after criminals started dying, but his father believed they were unconnected. 

"So, what you are telling me is that someone has the power to give criminals a heart attack and kill them. Light, you do realize how ridiculous that sounds."

Light did realize that it sounded crazy, but it was also just as unbelievable that criminals with no prior history of heart conditions suddenly all die of heart attacks. 

After a month of this (and Light's hounding), the NPA finally started taking the deaths seriously. After two months of no leads, the higher-ups were talking about asking L for help. L seemed to have a similar idea as he announced his investigation. 

Light had to admit; he was excited. He had looked up to L since he was twelve years old. He was the World's Greatest Detective, and working with him was an honor. 

A day later, L used Lind L. Taylor to find out Kira's location. He was in the Kanto region, and that somehow made all the more thrilling for Light. Kira was in his home (and he was right about it), and he was going to bring the bastard to justice. While Light was less than thrilled about L's methods, killing a criminal just like Kira, he could see where the man was coming from. The Taylor guy was going to die (for a good reason) anyway. Why not use him to catch a criminal? Do some good with his life. 

One day, L, on the other side of a computer screen, asked to speak to Light by himself.

Light was shocked. He did not talk much when L was on a video call. He had no idea what he could have said to get L's attention, but apparently, he did. 

"Hello, Light-Kun," L greeted, "that is the correct suffix, right?"

Light honestly could not care less what L called him. All he cared about was that L was talking to him one on one. 

'Okay, Yagami,' Light thought to himself, 'this is a professional meeting. Keep your cool.' 

"Uh, yeah… er yes. Yes, that would be correct," Light blushed a little. While L's language was usually more casual, Light still wanted to make a good impression. 

L chuckled on the other end of the call, "no need to be so formal, Light-Kun," L assured. 

Light could not help the small chuckle that passed his lips. L's laugh, altered by the voice modifier thing or not, was contagious. 

"I would like to talk to you about potentially narrowing down suspects," L said after a second of silence. 

Light was shocked once again. L had literally hundreds of detectives to talk to if he wanted to bounce ideas off of someone. Why would he choose to talk to the intern? Light knew that his skills and intellect were higher than over half of the members of the NPA, but how would L know that? 

"I can tell by your face that you are confused," L said, "I will explain. You are top of your class at university and scored perfect on the To-Oh entrance exam. You had helped the NPA with incredibly difficult cases before you became an intern, so your deductive reasoning must be high. You may not talk much, but it is always a credible theory or fact that you are bringing up when you do. You also have an IQ of 184. In other words, I believe that you are the only one I can talk to without losing brain cells." 

Everything that L said was simultaneously ego busting and creepy, "how do you know all that?" Light asked. 

"I would not be the World's Greatest Detective if I could not do a simple background check," L said, "plus you are very active on social media," there was a slight pause before L continued, "your dog is very cute." 

"Uh, thanks," Light thanked, not sure what to think of the fact that L apparently stalked his social media.

There was an awkward pause before he and L started talking again. L specifically wanted to talk about the times of death. 

"I've noticed the times of death center around 6 to midnight on the weekdays and every other weekend. Then there is no discernable pattern for the other weekend. Though this is not always the case," Light said, shuffling through the papers in his binder, he labeled as "Kira Files."

"I have noticed that as well," L explained, "what could that tell us about Kira?" L asked. 

"Well, I was thinking that it could be someone who has a 9 to 5," Light said, rubbing the back of his neck, "I know that does not narrow it down too much, but…" 

L cut Light off, "but it does narrow it down. Most people with 9 to 5s are in their mid-twenties or older. We can assume Kira has an education based on the fact that he has been able to avoid police for months."

"Perhaps," Light said, biting his lip. 

"What is wrong, Light-Kun?" L asked. 

"What about the days where he does not start killing at 6? I mean, we could say that this guy has some sort of a life, but the killings always seem to be increasing, like they are taking over his life," Light said, "why would someone who is becoming increasingly obsessed with killing criminals, take the time to go partying or clubbing or whatever when he could be killing?" 

"Well," L paused a second, "we could be someone who does not work a true 9 to 5."

"What do you mean?" 

"There are jobs that are technically 9 to 5, but the people in those careers must work more in order to get the work done," L explained. 

"Like a lawyer." 

"Yes, like a lawyer," L made a noise of contemplation, "this conversation with you has been enlightening, Light-Kun. I believe we will work well together." 

"I hope so," Light said with a small smile. 

…

Not even two days after L and Light's conversation about the hours of death and narrowing down the suspects, 23 criminals in prison were killed one by one by the hour. The next day, the same thing happened.

"Well, anyone can take a few days off work," Aizawa said. 

L made a noise of disagreement and said, "the timing is too coincidental. Light-Kun and I had a conversation about the times of death and narrowing down suspects, and then we told the rest of the police force. Then, suddenly, Kira decides to kill hour by hour for a couple of days." 

"Yeah," Light said, "even before, the killings were not hour by hour. They were minutes, even seconds apart. He is purposefully choosing to kill hour by hour. He is taunting us, but how does he know that we've been discussing the times of death?" 

There was a pause in the conversation before L said, "Light-Kun, I would like to speak with you again." 

"Hey, whatever you have to say to my son, you can say in front of all of us," Soichiro said, anger and offense in his tone. 

"Do calm down, Yagami-San," L responded, "I do not suspect Light-Kun of anything. I would simply like to talk to him about some things." 

"What do you want to talk about, L?" Light asked once they were alone. Well, alone with Watari.

"I believe that Kira is connected to the police in some way," L responded. 

"As much as I hate to admit it, I was thinking that too," Light said, shaking his head "how else would Kira know what we were talking about, and if he is a police officer, our a little more than 9 to 5 theory would fit."

"Kira could also be a close family member or friend of an officer or be in a career close to the police. Keep that in mind, Light-Kun. It is too early to narrow the suspects to that extent quite yet." 

Light nodded, "yeah, yeah." 

"That's not all you want to talk about, it is?" Light asked, wondering why L would pull him aside just for this. 

"I think that Kira can control the times of death," L said slowly. 

"How?"

"I wish I knew," L sighed. 

…

"L, did you know, Gods of Death love apples," Light read, once he figured out the message Kira left for L.

"He is taunting you now," someone said. 

"He has been taunting me for a while now," L said, bitterness in his tone.

"What does Gods of Death mean?" someone asked. 

"Possibly talking about his ability to kill," Light said. 

"More than likely," L agreed. 

…

Twelve FBI agents were dead. 

Over one hundred members of the Kira Task Force walked out, leaving only Light, Soichiro, Aizawa, Mogi, Ukita, and Matsuda. 

Light could not help but be annoyed by the mass walkout. Light was determined now more than ever to catch Kira, and there goes so much manpower. Not that most of them were helping anyway, but it would still be nice to have the numbers. 

One thing that was looking up for the case was that the rest of the Kira Task Force was going to meet L. Well, that was a good thing for Light. He was incredibly interested in meeting L face to face. He wondered what the man looked like. Was he short or tall? Was he old or young? Light could not help but wonder these things and more. For whatever reason, Light could not come up with a picture of what he thought L might look like in his mind, and that just made it all the more intriguing. 

Whatever image Light could come up within his mind, he would have never pictured how L really looked. 

He was tall, how tall Light could not tell because of a hunch in his back. His black hair was a mess like he just rolled out of bed and did not bother with his hair or the rest of his appearance. The irises of his eyes were nearly black because of how big his pupils were. He had dark, heavy bags under his eyes, and the palest skin Light had ever seen. Both the bags and skin tone were considering to Light and made the caregiver side of him scream that Light needed to take care of him, that L was sick. Light pushed that side of him down. L did not need that, he was not a Little (as far as Light could tell, he was a Neutral), and even if he were a Little, he was not Light's Little.

L was also very skinny, how skinny, Light could not tell because of the baggy white shirt and blue jeans. His feet were completely bare, not even socks covering them. He rubbed his left foot on his right pant leg and scratched the back of his head as if he was nervous. His face betrayed no emotions, however. 

"Hello. I am L."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyed the Hell out of writing this chapter. L and Light well meet for real next chapter and someone well overhear a conversation between L and Watari.


	3. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The task force meets L.

"Hello. I am L."

There were several shocked gasps around the room. Why were they so shocked, Light thought to himself. While L did look a little odd, it was not like there was a unicorn standing in front of them claiming to be L. 

"I am Yagami," his father then said, pulling his badge out of his pocket to show L. The rest followed suit except for Light. The young man was never one to call people (especially his father) idiots, but they were in the middle of the Kira investigation. Kira could kill with just a name and a face. They had talked about that. 

L's eyes landed on all the investigators as they introduced themselves. His eyes then landed on Light, who still had not said anything. Light might have imagined it, but L's lips may have twitched up a second. If he did smile at Light, the expression was gone as soon as it came.

When it became apparent that Light was not going to say his name, his father spoke once again, "I am sorry we are late. Currently, the six of us are…"

L cut off Soichiro's apology by lifting his hand. His index finger was pointed toward them, and his thumb was up like a gun. "Bang!" 

"What the hell was that?" Aizawa demanded in an angry tone. While not angry, Light was wondering much the same. Was L trying to be funny, or, more than likely, was he trying to get a point across in a humorous way. 

L hummed as if disappointed no one understood the joke. 

"If I were Kira, you would be dead, Soichiro Yagami of the NPA," L explain, his eyes traveled to Light again, "isn't that right, Light-Kun?" 

Light was surprised that L called on him, but he kept an air of confidence as he answered, "yeah. Kira needs a name and a face to kill."

This time there was no mistaking it. L smiled at him. It was a small smile on his, up to now expressionless face, but it was there. 

"That is correct, Light-Kun," L said, and wasn't that validating? L himself telling you that you are correct. 

"From now on, I would recommend that you not reveal your name to anybody," here, L turned his back to the group and started to walk into the other room, "let's value our lives."

"I knew he needed a face to kill someone, but I did not know of any evidence that he needed a name too."

Light resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Matsuda is one that Light had no problem thinking (or muttering under his breath) that he was an idiot. Now, Light was aware that he had a slight advantage over the others because of the one-on-one meetings he had with L and the fact that they discussed this point in depth. However, Matsuda should still be able to remember something as important as that, no matter how brief the mention was. 

"That's enough small talk, for now, come this way, please," L said as he turned back to face them. 

That was something that L never said when it was just them. They would go off on tangents, and Light hoped that would not stop now that they met face to face. Those conversations were fun, and Light had even managed to get L to laugh a few times. Which now, seeing L's stoic face, Light knew was an accomplishment. 

"Please turn off all your cell phones, handheld, and any other communication devices and leave them on the table right there," L instructed, pointing at a table with a checkerboard pattern.

"What do you think we're going to be using our cell phones during this meeting to leak information!" Aizawa accused loudly. 

"It's alright, just do as he says," Soichiro said. 

Light felt the want to speak up in defense of L, but felt like it was not his place as Aizawa was technically his superior. Still, Light did not understand what Aizawa was yelling about. Maybe it was because Light did not like yelling as a means of communication. After all, it does not work, or maybe it was because Light did not understand why Aizawa was so angry about it. They had a very similar rule in the meetings at the NPA. L asking them to turn off their communication devices was not that odd of a request. 

"No, I just find them distracting," L said, "I can't stand it when people's cell phones are ringing while I'm trying to talk."

When they all entered the room, L was already sitting in a chair. Well, Light was not sure if what L was doing could be described as sitting. He was more squatting on the chair. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and his upper body bent forward as his hands rested on his knees. It was almost like L was in the fetal position but sitting up. Why does L sit like that? Light could not help but wonder. The position screamed insecurity and uncertainty, which, as far as Light could tell, L was the exact opposite of. Over the past few weeks, L had been nothing but sure of himself. 

"Let me start off by saying nobody notes on anything that's said in these meetings. That means when we leave headquarters, any information we need is committed to memory," L said. 

Well, that would not be a problem for Light, but others might ask stupid questions. Light looked over at Matsuda at that thought.

"Please make yourselves comfortable," L invited. Light was the first to move, and he sat closest to L. 

…

After discussing the Kira case for a few minutes and L assuring them that "justice will prevail" with (an adorable) smile. L insisted that he talk to everyone one one one before they left just so that they could make sure that none of them were Kira.

"What's the deal? He still doesn't trust us," Aizawa grumbled as if L was not in the room. Light noticed the way L rolled his eyes and hopped out of his chair to walk toward the window. 

"I think it's a fair request," Soichiro defended L, "try and see it from his perspective."

"Yeah," Light decided to speak up, "Kira has been getting information from our office from the beginning. If I were him, I would not trust us either."

Finally, everyone else seemed to get it as they acknowledged that L was risking his life to be here. 

For whatever reason, that thought was much more terrifying to Light that it should be. L was still basically a stranger, but Light wanted to get to know him. For whatever reason, he felt a pull to the older man that Light could not explain. 

…

Aizawa was a Neutral that had anger issues. L hoped that said anger issues would not get in the way of the investigation. If it did not, L knew that he would be an assist to the team. 

Mogi was also a Neutral and very quiet, but he had a talent for collecting data and gathering intel. As long as he spoke up if he had something useful to say, he would also be an assist to the team. 

Matsuda was a Caregiver but as naive as a Little. L was not sure the usefulness that Matsuda could bring to the team, but L was willing to keep him around. 

Soichiro was a Caregiver as well, and Light's father. He was a seasoned detective with an impressive solve record. L was sure that he would prove invaluable to the team. 

Then there was Light. Light was a Caregiver, much like his father. He was a genius, to say the least, and although he was an intern, there was no doubt in L's mind that he would be the reason that they caught Kira. That was the reason that he started talking with him to bounce ideas off of him. At least, that is what L was telling himself. He did not want to admit, even to himself, that he felt drawn to Light. If L ever did admit it to himself, he would tell himself that it was because he was a genius, much like himself. Light might be able to understand him in a way that not many people could. That is why he liked Light already. There was no other reason. None at all. 

"Hey, Ryuzaki," L heard a voice that snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see none other than Light himself standing across from him. 

"Hello, Light-Kun," L greeted, looking back to the chess game he was playing by himself. He was not really playing, just trying to think, and he needed his hands to be occupied. 

"What are you thinking about?" Light asked as he sat across from L. 

"I'm simply storing my thoughts, Light-Kun," L said, which was not technically a lie. 

Light nodded as he moved a black chess piece. 

L looked at Light, his thumb coming to his lips (a habit that Watari was never able to break). Did Light want to play with him, L thought to himself excitedly though he made sure that his face remained blank. No one ever wanted to play with him. The other children always said that he was a cheater (he was not), or said that they did not want to play with a freak. 

Light did move the chess piece, so maybe he did. With that thought, L hesitantly moved one of his pieces. 

"Checkmate," Light said after just a few moves with a small smile. 

L's eyes widened for a second before he said, "it seems Light-Kun has bested me." 

"Perhaps you can best me in another game," Light offered. 

"Perhaps," L said with a small smile, setting up the board again. 

Midway through the game, it looked like it would end in a stalemate, the men heard, "Ryuzaki." 

They turned their heads to see Watari was now standing next to L. Neither of them noticed that he entered the room. 

"Yes, Watari," L said. He knew that look on Watari's face. He was in trouble. What did he do?

"I would like to speak to you a moment," Watari said. 

Light watched as L's eyes filled with fear for a half-second before it went away, but it was there. That was concerning to Light, what was L scared of? It could be nothing, but it also could mean that something bad was going on. 

"Yes, Watari," L said, as he stood and followed that older man out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, Light's reaction to the task force meeting L was my watching that for the first time. Especially with the yelling thing. Seriously, Aizawa, you don't need to yell everything. I honestly have mixed feelings out Aizawa, but we are not going to talk about that right now because I need sleep and I could type forever about what pisses me off about Aizawa.


	4. Stalemate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watari and L talk, not realizing that someone overheard bits of their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Emotional and Physiological abuse both happen and are described in this chapter.

"What do you need, Sir?" L asked. They were in a small room in the suite. L sat down on a chair and curled up as much as he could. 

"I am concerned about there being so many caregivers on this team," Watari told him. 

"Statistically speaking, there are less than you would expect in a population of six people. Caregivers and Littles make up 80% of Japan's people, leaving 20% of the population as Neutrals. You should expect out of six people for approximately 4 of them to be Caregivers or Littles. The NPA, however, does not allow a Little to become a detective, and the percentage of detectives that are Caregivers is relatively high at about…" L snapped his mouth shut as Watari raised a hand. He was rambling, and Watari hated that. 

"Your statistics don't change a thing," Watari snapped, "there are still three Caregivers on this team."

L looked down. He knew what Watari was concerned about; there is only so much that suppressants could do. They worked best if the Little taking them was not around any Caregivers or pheromones. Naturally, a Little was more vulnerable to succumb to Little Space when around a Caregiver. Suppressants, of course, helped, but it was not always useful around Caregivers in the long run. The body wants to give in to temptation, no matter how disgusting. 

"I'm sorry," L mumbled. Why did he have to be born a stupid Little? It was not fair. 

"No, I am sorry," Watari said, knowing that if he took a gentler approach, he would be more likely to convince L to see his side. "But you know what happens if you give in to these temptations, My Boy."

L's eyes widened at the subtle threat. Yes, he knew what happened if he fell entirely into Little Space. Watari would leave, and that was putting the consequences lightly. If Watari left, he would lose everything. 

"I know," L said. He hated having these conversations with Watari, though they sometimes had to happen. The conversations kept him in line, Watari said, and L needed that. 

"I want to help you, but I can only do so much without you trying," Watari said in an accusatory tone like L was not trying. That felt like a knife through L's heart. He was trying. He took his medicine every day. He repressed all his childish urges. Hell, he did not even go out that much just in case something happened. He tried so hard to keep Watari happy so that he did not leave. 

L, however, did not bring up these complaints because he knew that they would fall on deaf ears. 

"I-I know," L decided to say. 

Watari did not speak for a long moment, then, he said, "I would like you to take two of the pills for the duration of the investigation. Just in case."

L simply nodded. That was not an outrageous request. There were three Caregivers on the team. Plus, two pills were not too much. Now, if he were taking four, that might be a problem. Four made his stomach hurt. His stomach also hurt if he did not take the suppressions at all. 

"I also want you to be careful around Light Yagami," Watari said as if it were merely a suggestion. He knew if he put an all-out ban on L associating with Light, L would not react too favorably. L did not see Light as a threat right now, as Watari did. 

"Yes, Sir," L said; he knew he would need to be careful around Light. He already felt a connection to him. 

"Now, go back to work."

…

Matsuda was concerned. He overheard part of the conversation between Watari and L. He had not meant to eavesdrop, but what he had heard, he could not help it. The parts that stuck out the most was what Watari said. Things about L not giving into temptation and wanting to help L, but not being able to if L did not help as well. 

Now, Matsuda's first instinct was that Watari was talking about some drug or mental health issues that L had. By all means, if L did struggle with one of these things, then it should be reassuring that L had someone that wanted to help him not "give into temptation," and that reminded him that he had to "try" if he wanted to get better. Matsuda should be able to leave it at that, but he was not. There was something off about Watari's tone and the way that he said those couple of sentences. Matsuda could not explain it, but it gave him a horribly bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

He thought about the conversation that he overheard throughout the ride to the NPA to pick up his car, then he thought about it the entire way home. It was not until he was home and watching boarding late-night shows that he realized why Watari's tone was so off to him. That tone was the same tone that his parents would talk to him and his siblings in. His parents were incredibly emotionally and psychologically abusive and toxic. 

Matsuda's parents would say things like "you are never going to be smarter than me," and acted like because they did things that they were supposed to do as responsible parents, as in clothe and feed their children, that they (the children) owned them something. 

Matsuda did not realize that it was not normal for parents to continuously yell at and berate their children until middle school because it was normal to him. He did not learn that the way his parents treated him and his siblings was considered abuse until college. He had been taking a psychology course at the time, and they were going over the different types of abuse. Before then, he thought that abuse was only physical, or there had to be a physical aspect to it. His parents never laid a hand on him or his siblings, but they were abusive. 

After realizing that he was abused, he went to go see the university psychologist, and she helped him come to terms with the fact that he was abused and that he did not deserve the abuse. She helped him move on with his life.

When Matsuda thought about it, a lot of the reason that he decided to become a cop was because of the abuse that he faced. He never wanted anyone to go through what he did and wanted to help those that did. If L was being abused, Matsuda knew that he had to do something. He could not act too rash, however. He hardly knew L or Watari, let alone how their relationship worked. The conversation that he heard could have been nothing, but it also could have meant something horrible was going on. 

There was something else that bothered Matsuda about the conversation. L. L sounded so small when he spoke those two words "I know" and even stuttered when he said it the second time. Throughout his conversation with the Task Force, he sounded so confident and sure of himself. L had almost seemed superior to all of them at points, which Matsuda had to admit was probably true at least intellectually wise. To hear L go from sounding so confident to so small was startling to Matsuda because it reminded him so much of himself. 

Matsuda could remember times in middle school and high school when he was around his friends. He could sound confident and full of life, but the second that he was behind closed doors with his parents, he would feel small and sound like it too. 

Now, he knew that he could be projecting and that he should not. He also knew that before he could do anything about any abuse that could be going on or before he could stick the abusive label on L and Watari's relationship he would need to get to know them and their relationship better. He had to because if he realized he was wrong after he got to know them better, he could pretend he never had these thoughts, and no one would have to know about it. However, if he was right, he would not be able to live with himself knowing that he could have done something and chose to do nothing. 

So, Matsuda fell asleep, formulating a plan. 

…

"You are still here, Light-Kun?" L asked when he walked back into the room, his face completely black, no traces of the conversation that he just had with Watari on it. 

"Yeah, my dad wants to read through a couple move files before going home," Light said casually, looking up at L. There was nothing on his face to indicate that he was stressed in any way, which was good, but his face was also expressionless. He could be feeling anything, and Light would have no idea. 

"Would you like to finish our game while my dad finishes?" Light asked. 

L supposed it would be odd to refuse Light's offer (plus he simply did not want to. One little game could not hurt), so he said, "yes, Light-Kun, I would like that very much." L sat down so that he could play chess with Light. 

It ended in a stalemate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "All or nothing, so let's get to it. This time's stalemate, but just you wait. Clock is ticking, so let's just do it. Let's begin, thick or thin, lose or win. This is it"... sorry, I had to.
> 
> My friend (the normal one) called Watari an asshole so many times while reading this that I think she broke a record. Also, she is not wrong.


	5. Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light go outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some fluffy fluffs.

"Light-Kun has made a mistake," L said, as he was looking over the younger man's shoulder, ignoring his slight startle, "there needs to be a comma right there," L pointed at Light's screen. 

Light rolled his eyes, more out of fondness than anything else. He corrected his mistake, "there, happy now." 

"Umm," L mumbled, "indifferent, but I do think that English will be happy," L said as he stood on his chair and sat down. 

"English is not a person, Ryuzaki. It does not have feelings," Light said.

"Does that mean we can violate its rules, Light-Kun?" L asked, with a tiny smirk. He loved the stupid conversations that they would have; even though it had only been a few days since they met, they had several of them. 

"This paper is due tonight; I am so not having this conversation with you right now," Light said, turning his attention to his paper. 

"So, when you are finished with your paper, then we can have this conversation?" L asked. 

"If the language of English's hurt feelings ever comes back up again, then we can talk about it," Light said with a smile on his face. 

"Okay," L nodded, and Light knew that he was going to take him entirely too seriously. 

After a few minutes of working, Matsuda came up to L, "here are those files you asked for, Ryuzaki."

"Thank you, Matsuda-San," L said, taking the papers from Matsuda's hands. When he started to read the reports, his chair suddenly jerked to the side. L clung to the hand rests so that he did not fall down. He then heard a crash from behind him, and he did not want to turn and look. He did it anyway, looking around the back of his chair. 

Both L's laptop and Light's personal laptop were now on the floor, both broken beyond recognition. The screens were cracked, and the glass was all over the floor. Even some of the keyboard buttons were on the floor. Matsuda was also on the floor. 

"Are you alright, Matsuda-San?" L asked, worrying about Matsuda first before the electronics. The electronics could be replaced relatively fast. He just hoped that Light did not lose progress on his paper. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Matsuda said, lifting his gaze to the destruction in front of him, "I am so sorry, Ryuzaki. I tripped over the leg of your chair." 

"Is your foot okay?" 

"It's fine," if Matsuda was honest, he would say that his ankle hurt slightly, but it was not that bad, "I'll clean up the mess." 

"That would probably be best," L said, turning to pick up his phone to call Watari. He would need to purchase two new laptops. 

"Yes, Ryuzaki?" Watari asked when he picked up.

"There has been an… incident. Light-Kun and I are now in need of replacement laptops," L told him.

"Both of you? May I ask what happened?" Watari asked. 

L did not feel like explaining what happened. He was already slightly annoyed that his and Light's laptops were broken in the first place. It was not like Kira would wait until they got new equipment to start killing again. 

"I'll explain later," L promised, and he knew Watari will hold him to that promise, "can you give me a time frame, please?" 

"About three hours," Watari estimated. 

"Make it a little less, please," L asked.

"Will do," Watari then signed off. 

L then turned his attention to Light, "I hope you did not lose too much progress on your paper." 

"I was using a program that automatically saves my work," Light said. It clicked in his head that L was buying him a new laptop, "Ryuzaki, you don't have to buy me a new laptop."

"Do you want to purchase your own laptop?" L asked, raising an eyebrow. He did not mean that to come off as rude as it probably did, but Light did not seem to take offense. 

"I could buy my own," Light insisted because L did not have to buy him a new laptop. He could easily go to the store and pick up a new one. 

"I am simply trying to be nice," L said, looking down at the floor, "after all, you would not be here if it were not for me, and your laptop would not have been broken." 

Light sighed. He knew that he was dealing with an incredibly stubborn man (possibly more stubborn than himself) and that once L set his mind to something, there was no changing his mind. There was little to no harm that could come from L buying him a new laptop. Aside from that, Light would owe him. He could buy L a few sweets and call it even. 

"Fine," Light groaned, "do what you want." 

L looked way too happy about getting permission to buy someone else a laptop. 

L then turned his attention to the rest of the team, "I suppose the rest of you can take a short break. Everyone may do as you wish for the next couple of hours. Please return here by six." 

Everyone but Light, L, and Matsuda left the room without a second glance. L turned back to the files and started flipping through them, and Light frowned. Apparently, L was not planning on taking a break like the rest of them. That did not sit right with Light. L deserved a break too. He worked nearly 24/7.

"Aren't you going to take a break too?" Light asked.

"I am afraid I cannot," L said as if it were a common fact. 

"What do you mean?" Light asked. 

"Kira will not wait to kill until my break is over," L responded, not looking at Light. 

"You are not wrong," Light said. L thought that was the end of the conversation, but it was not, "but you still need a break." 

"I cannot…" L's protest died on his lip as Light interrupted. 

"Yes, you can," Light said, then thought a second. Perhaps if he took a more logical approach and explained why L needed to take a break, he could convince him. 

"If you keep going like this, you're gonna run yourself to the ground, Ryuzaki," Light said, and L did not respond, mostly because he was shocked. Light sounded… concerned for him. No, that could not be right. No one was ever concerned for him. Everyone thought that he was a machine and that he could keep going no matter what. But, perhaps it was true. Light did not treat him like a machine, and L was unsure what Light treated him like. "You could end up making yourself so exhausted that you cannot work, or you could end up sick." 

"I… I suppose that Light is correct," L said. He knew, logically, that he could make himself sick by working too much (he had done it so many times already) and that taking breaks and sleeping would help him stay healthy, but that was hard to remember at times. 

"C'mon, Ryuzaki," Light said, holding out a hand, "we can do whatever you want to for the next couple of hours. Though I must request that we go outside."

L lifted his thumb to bite on his thumbnail. He then stood without taking Light's hand (no matter how much he wanted to) and walked toward the door. 

Light smiled and followed the older man. He won. 

…

"I don't know many recreational activities around this region," L said once they stepped outside. L had slipped into his shoes, and both Light and L put on a jacket. It was a chilly day at 55 degrees, but it was not so miserable that they could not walk around. 

"What do you like doing in your spare time then?" Light asked. He could come up with something to do if he knew what L liked. 

L did not say anything for a few seconds, thinking about what he liked to do in his spare time. He did not have much spare time, thinking back to the last time he had any spare time, he was researching to find a case. That is what he did, either worked on cases or researched to find a case. This was so out of his comfort zone. It was not that he did not like outside. He just did not get out much. Watari did not want him to, and he already knew that there would be some consequences for going outside with Light, but he did not think about that. He might as well make this worth it. 

"I like walking around parks," L said after a second. He liked that as a teenager and did not see why he would not like it now. 

"There is a park close to here where we can walk around for a while," Light offered. It was a nice park that Light would walk around when he needed to clear his head. Plus, the park was accepting of Littles, unlike some.

"Sure," L nodded. 

…

Light and L walked around the park for about thirty minutes, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, and that was something amazing. They were not talking about the case. L was taking a real break. 

"I was also a tennis champion in England," L said, "but I quit at fourteen." 

"So, you're from England?" Light asked. He knew that L was not Japanese and that he was more than likely European, given his pale skin, light irises, and facial features. 

"I lived there for nine years," L said before he could stop himself. He knew that he should not give away so much information about himself, but he felt so at ease with Light. It was so easy to talk to the younger man. 

They then fell into a comfortable silence, simply enjoying the beauty of the park. L then spotted something out of the corner of his eyes. An ice cream stand. 

"Look, Light-Kun," L said, pointing at the ice cream stand, "let's go." 

L started to walk toward the stand without any input from Light, "okay, I guess we're going over there now," Light muttered under his breath as he started to follow L without a second thought. He wanted to make this outing enjoyable for L. Maybe then he could convince him to take breaks every once in a while. 

"Yes, we are," L nodded. 

"So demanding," Light rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, I am," L responded as if it were fact, "it's ice cream."

Light could not hold back the chuckle if he tried.

"Strawberry cheesecake ice cream, please," L asked politely as soon as he saw it on the menu. He reached into his pocket to get his wallet. Watari gave him 2091 yen*, and that was more than enough to buy the ice cream.

"I got it," Light said, pacing the employee a bill. 

"You did not have to do that," L protested, eyes widening in disbelief.

"C'mon, man, you're buying me a new laptop. It's the least I can do. 

"Thank you, Light-Kun," L said; Light did have a point. He took his ice cream from the employee. "Are you not getting anything?"

"No, I'm not too into sweets," Light explained, "you wanna go sit on a bench?" 

"Sure." 

The men sat down, and L ate his ice cream. It almost reminded Light of a little kid with a treat. He was so damned happy about the ice cream. After L finished, they stood to walk around again. Before they knew it, it was time to go back to the hotel room. 

"I have enjoyed this, Light-Kun," L said, honestly. Would this be the only time Light would drag him out of the hotel room to do something? In a way, L hoped not. He enjoyed his time with Light, and that was a little scary. L found himself wanting to know more about Light and wanting to talk to him about non-case related things. He knew he should not and that he should watch out, but as long as he was careful, could he become friends with Light? Possibly. 

"Yeah, this was nice," Light smiled, "We should do this again."

"Yeah, we should," L said, his stomach twisting in both fear and excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *2091 yen is about 20 US dollars, just so you know. 
> 
> I enjoyed writing this chapter. Light and L's relationship is so genuine in this fic, and I love writing it this way.


	6. Nuzzling

L got an earful from Watari after he got back from going outside with Light. Watari reminded him of the dangers of hanging around a Caregiver for that long, and L knew the risks already. But, Light was so nice to him, and L could not help but want to be closer. Despite Watari's warnings, he wanted to go out with Light again. The Kira case would not last forever (hopefully), and he wanted all of the kindness that he could get from Light before he had to go away. 

L knew that that thought was dangerous in and of itself, and it scared L that he wanted anything from Light, but he did not dare bring it up to Watari. Watari would order him not to see Light anymore unless it was strictly case related, and L was not sure if he would be able to listen to Watari if he asked for that. 

And he always had to listen to Watari. 

…

The team had been able to narrow down their suspensions to a law firm that worked closely with the NPA. After reviewing thousands of employment records and conducting several interviews, L was certain who Kira was. 

"Teru Mikami?" Aizawa asked.

"Yes," L responded, "several of his coworkers told us about concerning behavioral changes, including him becoming more closed off and irritable. According to the coworkers, he had shown up to work late several times since Kira started killing, which was unlike him. The FBI agent following him was the first to die and had that strange envelope we were never able to recover. He also avoided multiple questions during his interview and, in general, acted suspensions."

"That's all circumstantial," Mr. Yagami pointed out.

"Yes," L agreed, "that is why I would like to put surveillance on Mikami's residence and, if at all possible, at his workplace."

The way that L spoke at times was interesting to Light. It was as if he was asking permission to do something instead of ordering them to do it even though he had had to know that he would get his way no matter what. There were very few exceptions to that, and it was usually when Light forced L to take care of himself. 

"You can't just eat sweets, Ryuzaki."

"When's the last time you slept, Ryuzaki?"

"C'mon, Ryuzaki, let's take a break. I think the chessboard is calling our names."

Hopefully, when he got a Little, they would not be as stubborn as L. 

…

"What are you doing here, Light-Kun?" L asked when Light walked into the hotel room. It was 5 in the morning, and Light usually did not arrive this early; plus, there was no sign of his father. 

"Woke up and couldn't go back to sleep," Light answered, "have you been watching Mikami all night?" 

"Yes," L answered simply. Light was going to nag him again, and as much as L supposed that he should hate it (because he was an adult and Light did not have the right to tell him what to do), but L could not find it in him to care. There was a place in him that found it… nice. Someone, aside from Watari, cared for him.

"Ryuzaki, it's been four days since you slept," Light said, crossing his arms in the way that told L that Light was not happy with him. L felt a slight tug on his chest, though he had no idea what it was supposed to mean. He did not like that Light was not happy with him.

"I went seven days without sleeping once," L said in his typical monotone voice as if commenting on the weather. 

Light could not imagine staying awake for that long and had no idea how it was possible that L once did. "That doesn't make it any better, Ryuzaki." 

"Doesn't it?" L said, turning overly innocent eyes to Light. Unfortunately, Light was not fooled by the wide eyes. No matter how adorable those eyes were. 

"Not really," Light shook his head. 

"Oh," L turned back toward the T.V. so that he could watch Mikami, who had just started getting ready for the day.

"C'mon, Ryuzaki, you need some sleep," Light told him, coming to sit down next to L on the couch, "I'll watch Mikami while you nap, and I'll wake you up if anything happens."

L rolled his eyes at the word nap (he did not need a nap), though he had to admit that he was getting tired. The back of his eyes was starting to burn because of strain. That did not mean that L was going to make it easy for Light. 

"I am fine, Light-Kun. I do not require sleep right now," L said, not looking back at Light. 

"We've done this whole song and dance before. Can't we just skip to the end where you agree and do what I say?" Light said with a slight roll of his eyes. L pouted because he knew Light was right. Light continued, "I'll get you a pillow and blanket if you want." 

L sighed. He did not want to argue with Light right now, so he said, "yes, I would appreciate that." 

Light smiled in satisfaction at that, though he knew L must be tired if he was not arguing as much as he normally did. Light walked into one of the rooms to pick up a pillow and a blanket. He then walked back over to L and placed the pillow at the end of the couch. L laid down and curled up into a tight ball with his head on the pillow without comment. Okay, L was undoubtedly tired. Light covered him up with a blanket (resisting the urge to tuck him in) and sat down on the couch by L's feet.

Light was not sure what prompted him to do what he did next, but he placed a hand on L's lower back and rubbed it up and down soothingly. In the back of Light's mind, he knew that this was not what normal friends did for each other. Light pushed down that thought, however, L needed sleep. That was the only reason he was rubbing L's back. He was simply trying to help a friend get some much-needed rest. 

Light wondered why Watari did not do things like this for L. Maybe not things exactly like this, but something so that L slept and ate properly, at least. That is when it downed on Light. While Watari spoiled L with constant sweets and favors, he did not care for L. For some reason, that made Light's heart sink, but he shook away that feeling. L was an adult; he should be able to do these types of things for himself. But he could not or would not do these things for himself. Which one, Light did not know, but a part of him hoped that it was the latter. 

L hummed when he felt a warm hand rub his back. It felt good. It made the edges of his mind feel blissfully fuzzy, and he felt himself start to float away. He only felt like this a few times before and knew that it was something that he should push away. But, he was so sleepy, and Light's hand was lulling him to sleep, and the feeling in his mind and body felt so good. He just wanted to give in to the temptation, but he couldn't. But he wanted to. 

As if on autopilot, L lifted his thumb to his lips. He then had the urge to put his thumb in his mouth, and not just to bite his nail. L wanted so bad to suck on his thumb. That thought is what jolted him out of his daze. His head was filled with angry yelling, sharp hits, and mocking laughter. 

L reached back to push Light's hand away a muttered, "stop," leaving his mouth even though he did not want Light to stop, and he almost regretted his actions. 

Light looked down at L with a bemused expression. Light had felt L relax and lean into his touch. Hell, he thought that L was almost asleep. 

"Okay, I'll stop," Light brought his arm to rest at his side. Light continued to watch L. He saw how L was now tense, and while his eyes were closed a second ago, they were now wide and staring straight ahead. 

"Do you really want me to stop?" Light asked after a second when L did not relax or close his eyes. 

L wanted to say, yes, he did want Light to stop. But that would not be the truth; he did not want Light to stop. L then looked over at Light and, almost as if Light put a spell over him, said, "no."

"Okay, then," Light said, placing his hand on L's back and rubbing up and down once again, "just relax, I gotcha, Buddy."

L nodded, his eyes slipping closed now that Light was rubbing his back again. That feeling came back again, the feeling that was simultaneously amazing and terrifying. This time, L could not fight the fuzziness in his brain, nor could he resist the urge to suck his thumb. Before he knew it, he had his thumb in his mouth and was suckling. It felt good, and he could not muster the will to take it out. 

Light looked down, and the older man when he heard soft snores from L. He was finally asleep. Light noticed the digit in his mouth but did not think much of it. L constantly either had a finger/thumb or some sort of food in his mouth. He had something of an oral fixation.

…

They received another message from that second Kira.

"I don't think you have the eyes," the voice on the screen said. L eyes widened, his chest tightening at the use of the words. Red filled his vision, and a mocking voice rang in his ears. 

"Poor Wittle Wawwiet." 

"Ya' know no matter what I do to you, these numbers don't change."

"I fingered out what the numbers mean, Lawli. You live for a long time." 

"A's dead because of you!" 

L knew that he should leave. Find Watari. He did not want to have a panic attack in front of the entire Kira task force. But he was frozen in place, not able to move. He was barely about to breathe. 

"We can confirm our identities by showing our Shinigami to each other." 

L gasped. 

"You don't understand, Lawli, the Shinigami gave me a gift." 

No, no! Shinigami could not be real. Beyond was just crazy. Shinigami could not be real. L did not realize that he realized all of the air trapped in his chest until he heard himself yell. 

"Ryuzaki!" Several of the task force members shouted in concern and rushed over when he fell from his chair. Light was the fastest and the only one comfortable enough to reach out and catch him so that L did not hit the floor. 

"Ryuzaki, what's wrong?" Light asked, with wide eyes. He was shocked that the normally calm detective just freaked out. Even now, Light could feel tiny tremors in his shoulders. What the hell scared L so much? 

"Sh-Shinigami. Am I supposed to believe that Shinigami are real?" L said in a voice barely above a whisper. He could smell Light's pheromones. They were full of concern, and L had to push down how that made him feel.

"He's probably talking about their capability to kill," Light reassured, helping L stand and keeping a hand on his shoulder.

"You are probably right, Light-Kun," L said, voice still shaky. 

There was more than that, Light knew, when he saw the pure fear in L's eyes, but this was not the time nor place to bring it up, so Light let him go so that he could sit down. 

…

"Are you okay, Ryuzaki?" Light asked. Everyone else had gone home for the night, and Watari was not in the room. It was the perfect time to bring it up. 

"I am fine," L said, though he was still shaken up by the whole Shinigami thing and the fact that they might be real. Not to mention, the flashbacks of Beyond made him want to crawl into a corner and hide for a long time. 

"I can tell that's not true," Light said, and L sent a glare his way. So, obviously, L did not want to talk about it, "okay, Ryuzaki, put the daggers away. You don't have to talk about it, but know that I am here if you do." 

L knew that he should point out that he was fine and that Light did not worry about him because they had bigger things to worry about, and L was not one of those things. He said, however, "thank you, Light-Kun, I will keep that in mind." 

There were a couple of seconds of silence before Light asked, seemingly out of nowhere, "do you want a hug, Ryuzaki?" Light was not sure why he asked, but he could not take the words back not. L looked like he could use a hug anyway. 

L looked at Light. Did he want a hug from Light? If L was honest with himself, he would say yes. He enjoyed the little bits of physical affection that Light showed him, like the pats on his shoulder and rubbing his back. He knew that it could be dangerous. A hug meant that he would be close to Light's neck, which was where the pheromone gland was located. L knew that Light would not smell anything from him due to the pheromone blockers, but that did not mean that he would not smell Light's pheromones. L already had to push down a reaction from smelling them earlier, and with his nerves still shot, he was not sure if he would be able to hold back a reaction. 

At the same time, he did want a hug. He knew that it would make him feel better, and if he was careful, everything should be fine. So, he could hug Light, right? 

"Uh, sure," Ryuzaki nodded, standing so that he was in front of Light. L brought his thumb to his mouth to nibble on his nail and looked down. 

"I am not used to this type of physical affection," L whispered as if scared to admit it. 

Light simply smiled and wrapped his arms around the smaller man and brought him close to his chest. L tensed for a second before relaxing into the hold. He lifted his arms so that he was holding Light, much like Light was holding him. L felt warmth erupt in his chest, and he held on a little tighter, not wanting to appear clingy (he was not a baby) but wanting to feel Light more firmly against him. 

L did not notice when he moved his head ever so slightly so that his nose was close to Light's pheromone gland, but Light did. 

'He's nuzzling,' Light thought to himself in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Light will think more about the nuzzling and Misa will be introduced.


	7. Plots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light thinks about L.

After the hug with L, Light covered up his shock with a small smile, and after a few more minutes of chatting, he excused himself for the night. Once he got to his apartment, he put his keys on the hook, hung up his coat, and loosened his tie. He then sat down on his couch to think. 

L nuzzled against him. That could only mean one thing. Nuzzling was something that Littles did to Caregivers and vice versa. It was a comfort thing. It made Littles feel safe and protected, and it made Caregivers feel protective. It was used to strengthen the strong emotional bond between a Caregiver and a Little. Nuzzling was something only Caregivers and Littles did to each other if they were already close or if the Little was in severe emotional distress. L would not have nuzzled Light if he were not a Little. Not only that, but he would not have done it if he did not, at least subconsciously, think of Light as a trusted Caregiver. 

L presented as completely Neutral, however. Light never smelled any pheromones coming off of L. Then it hit Light- there are pheromone blockers and regression suppressants. If L was taking pheromone blockers and regression suppressants, then it would make sense for L to be a Little but present as a Neutral. 

Looking at L like he was a Little made almost too much sense, and Light wanted to smack himself for not noticing. He was even treating L like a Little on a subconscious level. He made sure that L ate and slept decently. He provided L with little bits of physical affection. He even rubbed his back to make sure he fell asleep. 

Light felt like an idiot. 

But he supposed that he should not; L hid it well enough. So well that the other Caregivers on the team did not suspect anything as far as Light knew. 

That is when concern bubbled up within him. Light understood why L would want to hide being a Little to the rest of the investigation team. While Light would not take him less seriously, some people would, which would ruin L's career if it were to get out that he was a Little. So, Light understood why L was hiding it, but that did not stop the concern. 

The Kira investigation had been going on for nearly four months now. If L had been taking suppressants that entire time, that could have a severe negative impact on his mental and physical health because he is not allowing himself to regress for so long. He was already showing symptoms of overuse of suppressants. He was withdrawn, had trouble sleeping, he was unhealthy in general. 

Then it struck Light that L looked like that since he met L. There was no decline in health (that would have been even more concerning), so that brought up questions. How long had L been taking the suppressants for it to get this bad? Why was he taking the suppressants before the case started? Was someone forcing L to take the suppressants and pheromone blockers?

That question made Light think of the worst case scenario. Somebody, specifically Watari, was forcing L to take suppressants and pheromone blockers, forcing him to live life as a Natural, and not allowing L to regress. Just the thought that might be happening to L made Light want to go back to the hotel room and demand answers. Light wanted to demand that L come home with him so that Light could take care of him and L show how his life was supposed to be. 

Light, however, could not do that, and he knew it. He had no evidence that anything like that was happening. As far as Light knew, L could take the suppressants willingly because he did not want to be little, or he was sensitive to suppressants, and he had just been taking them for the duration of the case. As far as Light knew, L could have a loving Caregiver back home who would get on to L for taking suppressants so recklessly but take care of him at the end of the day. 

The only evidence that Light had for something bad going on was the fear in L's eyes when Watari asked to speak to him. That was once when they first met. The whole relationship between L and Watari was weird at times, honestly. At first, Light thought that their relationship was simply a business relationship, and Watari worked for L. But there were times, when L and Light were alone, that L would subtly brighten when Watari would enter the room, so L had some affection for Watari, but Watari never showed that type of affection towards L. Not even with a smile. So, something odd could be going on, but just because Watari was estranged did not mean that he was abusive. 

Light needed answers. He needed to know if that worst case scenario was true, and if it was, he had to think of a way to get L out of that situation. Light could not just ask these questions even though he wanted to. He probably should not tell L that he figured out that he was a Little. That would cause L to shut down and not answer anything that Light would ask. L could get angry or upset with him. He could want to push Light away if he came on too strong, and if something bad was going on, that could ruin Light's chance at helping. 

Light would have to be smart about this. He would have to ask the right questions at the right time in the right ways. L was smart. He would know if Light was trying to get information out of him and either lie or tell Light off. He would need to phrase it like a conversation and give L as much, if not more, information about himself. He would need to keep a closer eye on Watari, see if he could get any information from observation. 

So, Light tried to go to sleep, failing until three in the morning, his mind running with plans and schemes and worst case scenarios. 

…

Light woke after only three hours of sleep. He desperately wanted to just turn off his alarm clock and roll over to sleep some more but knew that he had work. So, he got out of bed with a yawn and stretch. He would need some (50 cups) of coffee.

Light went about his normal morning routine, showering, getting dressed, glaring at the coffee machine when it did not make his coffee fast enough. He then put on his coat and put his keys in his pocket, and he walked out of his apartment. 

The sun was rising, and there was not a cloud in the sky. It was a chilly day, the weather predicted that it would snow in a few days, but perfect for a morning walk before going to work. He felt much better than he did when he first woke up about halfway through his walk, thanks to the coffee. Light was thinking of L and trying to refine his plan to potentially help L.

That was when he heard the bloodcurdling scream. 

Light felt adrenaline run through his as soon as he heard the scream. His heart rate spiked, and blood rushed in his veins. His instincts kicked in.

He ran toward the scream. 

The scream came from an alleyway. A man in a mask was standing over a woman. The man had brown hair poking out of his mask. The man was tall, but lanky and Light knew that he could more than likely hold his own in a fight if he had to. The woman was curled up in a ball, and Light could see her shaking from his position at the opening of the alley. The man grabbed the woman by the hair. 

That is when Light shouted, "Hey!" as loud as he could and ran into the alley. The man startled at the yell and ran. Light tried to run after him, but he was too fast and turned a corner and disappeared. 

Light let out a huff of frustration, but he had bigger things to think about. The woman was still curled up and crying. 

Once he got closer to the woman, Light could smell her pheromones. She was a Little in Little Space and obviously in severe emotional distress. Light's instances to protect took over, and he crouched down a few feet away from her, making himself as small as possible so that she was more likely to not be fearful of him. 

"Hey there, Little One," Light said in a higher pitched, comforting tone. 

The girl jumped and looked towards him with big blue tear filled eyes. She shrank away from him. 

"Hey, my name's Light," Light said with a small smile, "what's your name?" 

"'m Misa," the girl said, uncurling her body slightly. 

'The model?" Light thought to himself, remembering the magazines his sister had. Yes, the little girl in front of him was Misa Amane.

"Nice to meet you, Misa," Light said, "do you know where your Caregiver is?" 

Misa shook her head, "I don'ts have a Caregiver. I has a Babysitter." 

"Okay," Light said with an understanding nod. Babysitters were Caregivers for Littles that did not want or need a Caregiver all the time, "how about we go to the police, so we can call your Babysitter and report the bad guy?" 

"The bad guy gets to trouble?" Misa asked, taking Light's hand when he stood and held out his hand. 

Light knew that statistically, no. Random assaults normally do not get solved unless there was DNA and the assailant normally went unpunished. But Misa did not need to know that, "yeah, are you ready to go?"

…

Light called his father and explained what happened and that he would more than likely be late for work as he had promised Misa that he would stay with her until her Babysitter came.

He spoke to L for a few minutes, and he said, "Yes, Light-Kun, take care of the Little. Come in when you can," there was a bitterness to his tone, and Light filed that away, though he did not yet know exactly what it meant. 

"Does you have a Little?" Misa asked. They had finished the police report and called Misa's Babysitter, and were waiting for him now. 

"No," Light said. 

"Why nots?" Misa asked, cocking her head. Curious little thing.

"I'm not ready for a Little yet," Light answered honestly, "though I do want one in a few more years." 

There was a slight lull in the conversation before Misa said, "m' Babysitter takin' me to the fair dis weekend." 

"That sounds like a lot of fun," Light said. 

"Yeah," Misa said with bright eyes, "they has ferris wheel!" 

Light smiled at the Little's excitement, "Is that your favorite?"

"Yeah," Misa nodded, "is you goin' to the fair?" 

"I don't know," Light said. He used to go to the fair with his family every year, but he had not been in a couple of years. Maybe L would be interested in going to the fair. He could not see L liking the roller coasters too much (he enjoyed calm too much), but L might like some of the games, and he would love the food.

"'m goin' 'morrow," Misa said, "yous should come." 

Light was about to answer her statement when she squealed, "Miki!" and ran up to a man and hugged his, nuzzling against him. 

"Oh, thank goodness," Mikami whispered, hugging her back and looking toward a shocked Light. 

'Mikami, the possible original Kira, is Misa's Babysitter,' Light thought to himself, questions running through his mind. He needed to call L as soon as possible. 

"Thank you for helping my dear Misa," Mikami said, bowing to Light. 

Light hid his shock with a mask of a relieved Caregiver, "no thanks necessary. I'm happy to help."

As soon as they left the police station, Light fished his phone out of his pocket and called L. 

"Hello?" L answered after two rings. 

"Hey, Ryuzaki," Light said, "listen, Mikami picked up Misa." 

"Misa Amane, was the Little you saved?" L said slowly. 

"Yeah," Light said. Did his father not tell L that. 

"I have not told the rest of the investigative team yet, but there is a possibility that Misa Amane is the second Kira," L explained. 

"Percentage?" Light asked, knowing that L must have one. 

"95%."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misa Misa is here.   
> I hoped everything Light was thinking about at the beginning made since, if something does not, please tell me and I will try and phrase it better. 
> 
> Next chapter might include L and Light going to the fair. IDK, depends on how far I get, but that will come up. If not next chapter, the chapter after that.


	8. Opening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watari does something that Matsuda walks in on. Later he calls Light to talk about it then L and Light have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly 20 days since I last updated this fic. I may or may not have had to reread this fic to remember where I was going with this.

L wanted Light to go to the fair. Light and (surprisingly) Matsuda wanted L to tag along, reasoning that if L were there, he would pick up more information from Misa and Mikami if they had Light and L both there. Plus, they got along and could just look like a couple of friends going to the fair until they found Misa and Mikami. It was soon as if the entire Task Force had ganged up on L, trying to convince him to go to the fair. 

L gave in, though he made it look like it was entirely his own choice. Light gave him a knowing look. 

Then he had to convince Watari to let him go. He refused at first, saying that it was too dangerous to go outside with a caregiver again.

"It's for the case," L said.

"I don't care if it's for the case. You have other people to go with Light Yagami," Watari said. 

L did not get frustrated with Watari often. He knew that Watari just wanted to protect him, but at that moment, he became incredibly frustrated with the older man. 

"Sir, with all due respect, I'm in charge of this team. It's my choice what happens in this investigation, and I think that it would be best if I went to the fair," L said and regretted it the second it came out of his mouth. Watari looked angry. L tensed in preparation for a hand or fist. L hoped it was a punch. 

"Yes, and what will happen when your social ineptitude gets in the way?" the words were not what felt like a slap to the face. It was the tone. Watari thought that he was going to mess up the investigation. 

"I'm not going to screw up," L said, and he was going to point out that he had someone else with him. Someone, whether he should or not, he did trust and who had remarkable social skills. Light would be able to save him if he did make a mistake. L did not get the chance to say any of that, however.

"What happens when you say the wrong thing? What happens when you offend someone due to your words or actions? What happens when you get stuck in a large crowd? What happens when you freeze up?"

With each "what happens when," L felt himself getting more upset and angry. He usually was able to handle it when Watari pointed out his flaws (he had a lot of them). Still, the past couple of weeks had him acting increasingly more emotional. He did not think that anyone else on the team noticed, thankfully. He knew that this was a bad sign but could not bring himself to bring it up to Watari, especially now. 

Eventually, L's emotions took over his brain, and he shouted, "I have Light-Kun!"

Everything froze after L shouted. L's stomach dropped as he looked into Watari's eyes. They were ablaze with anger. L knew that he should probably explain himself, but he could not bring himself to do it. He was too scared, frozen, and prepared for a hit. 

Watari would have hit him, and L knew that. Watari had his fist balled and in the air. He would have punched him if Matsuda had not walked into the room when he did.

"Hey, I heard some shouting and wanted…" Matsuda trailed off when he saw the Watari. His stomach dropped. 'Watari is about to, no; he would not… would he? L looks scared. I need to get him out of here.'

"What's going on here?" Matsuda asked, trying to break the tension. 

"Nothing," Watari said, straightening up to look like a proper Englishman once again. Like he was not about to hit someone, "just a simple disagreement. 

This next part was said close to L's ear and too soft for Matsuda to hear, "I will allow you to go, but if you somehow end up in danger or hurt, don't bother calling me."

Watari left the room, and L felt like he was going to cry. He wanted someone to tell him that it was okay, that Watari did not mean it. Another thought invaded his mind. He wanted Light to be the one to say those things. He really did not care if Light said those things because L was not going to be the one to tell him what happened. But he just wanted to with Light because his simple presence was calm and soothing and safe. That is what L wanted. He wanted to feel safe. 

"Are you okay, Ryuzaki?" L heard Matsuda ask.

L nodded, then realized that if he was going to be believed, he needed to talk. So, L cleared his throat and said, "yeah, I'm fine," he still really wanted Light, though, "I'm going to find Light-Kun."

L rushed out of the room and closed the door behind him. He was about halfway to where Light would most likely be when he stopped. He did not need Light and should not feel like he did. It was his little side getting to him, making him feel weak and emotional, and like he needed a caregiver. He did not need a caregiver. He was an adult. He should deal with his own problems and not go running to Light. It was his fault Watari said that to him. He should deal with it and go apologize for raising his voice at Watari. 

He should give Watari a little time to cool down, though. So, he turned and walked to a different part of the hotel room to get back to work. 

…

Later that night, when Matsuda left the hotel room, he could not get what he walked into out of his head. Watari was going to hit L. Was that the first time? Probably not. L would not have just been standing there if it were. The younger man looked like he was going to stand there and take it and not fight back. It was so wrong. Matsuda could only hope that L went to talk to Light about it afterward, but he had to make sure. He needed to make sure that L was okay. L would never say anything to Matsuda, so he did the only thing he could think of. He called Light. Light and L were buddies. If anyone were to get L to open up about anything, it would be Light.

"Hello," Light answered after a couple of rings, "What's up, Matsuda." 

"Did you see Ryuzaki?" Matsuda asked. 

"Not since we convinced him to go to the fair. Thanks for the backup on that, by the way," Light said. 

"Uh, your welcome," Matsuda replied, "but he said that he was going to see you this afternoon."

"I'm sure if it's about the case, he'll talk to me tomorrow," Light said, a spark of worry igniting in his stomach. The tone of Matsuda's voice told him that it was not case related. 

"It's not about the case," Matsuda said, hesitating a second. If L did not tell Light about what happened, should he? Then, Matsuda remembered the fear in L's eyes. Yes, he should tell Light. 

"Is something wrong with L?" Light asked. 'Aside from the fact that he is hiding that he is a Little,' Light thought to himself. 

"I don't know," Matsuda said, "something happened, and I'm worried for him."

"What happened, Matsuda?" Light said, becoming more concerned. If Matsuda was calling him, then it had to be something bad. 

"L and Watari had a fight," Matsuda said, "and when I checked to make sure they were alright, Watari looked like he was about to punch L." 

"What?" Light said, anger building in his chest. How dare that old bastard try to hurt L? Light could not think of anything L could do that was deserving of a punch. He was always respectful to Watari, and even if he did do something, L did not deserve to be punched. He was just a little. 

Light remembered to take a few deep breaths to calm down. Anger was something that he needed to work on as a teenager to control, so it did not get out of hand. It was much better now (he did not go around slamming doors and punching walls because he was angry), but he still needed to remind himself to take deep breaths or whatever other coping strategies he had come up with. 

"What exactly did you see?" Light asked once he was calmer. He was still angry, and he would need to control the urge to not deck the man next time he Watari. Screw the respect your elders' thing. If Watari could not respect his L enough to not punch him, Light saw no reason why he should respect the old man. Suddenly, Light's worst case scenario theory about Watari forcing L to take suppressants and to live life as a neutral came to mind again. He felt sick. He needed to get L out of there, away from Watari, but he still needed more information. Light could not go in guns blazing and expect anything good to come out of that situation. 

"Just that," Matsuda said, pulling Light out of his thoughts, "I heard shouting. I think it was Ryuzaki, but I don't know what he said. I went to check it out, and Watari had his fist balled up and in the air. Ryuzaki was just standing there like he was frozen, and he looked scared. It looked like he was just going to take the punch." 

Light sighed, "I'll see if I can get him to talk about it tomorrow." 

"Thanks, Light," Matsuda sounded happy now, "I would do it, but he does not trust me like he does you. If anyone could get him to open up, it would be you." 

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Light said, "I'll see you tomorrow, Matsuda." 

Light sighed as he hung up the phone. He needed to think of a way to get L to talk about what was going on without directly bringing it up. If he did, he would close up. It had to be before the fair because they would have mics and other bugs on them. He might get him to open up a little during the fair (assuming no one interrupted), but before would be the best. He would need to get him alone, which should not be hard. Light smiled. He might be able to convince L to wear something different for a change. His baggy clothes (while Light thought they were cute at times) made him look like a homeless man. They would make him stick out, and they needed to be able to blend in. Maybe, then, he could get L alone and talk to him. 

Yes, he would need to be careful, oh so careful, but it could work. 

…

Light, thank whatever God or Devil or whatever other divine force, was able to convince L to dress in something different. 

"I like my clothes Light-Kun," L had said, holding his shirt like he expected Light to take it off of him. 

"I know you do," Light had said, "but it would help you blend in if you wore something different." 

"I don't want to," L grumbled. 

It took another twenty minutes of talking (and Light may or may not have promised to buy L all the ice cream he wanted), but he convinced L to get into some different clothes that fit. 

"I don't know how to do the tie," L said, emerging from the other room where L demanded privacy to go change. He was wearing jeans that actually fit him and a black button-up shirt. It was untucked, and Light knew that it would stay that way, and he was not interested in fighting that battle with the older man. Light was blown away by how small L looked, even in clothes that fit him properly. If anything, he looked smaller. Sure, it was not unheard of for Littles to be smaller than Caregivers or Neutrals on average, but L was so skinny it was concerning. 

"I can do it for you," Light said with a smile, motioning L over.

"Do I have to wear the tie?" L asked. 

Did he, no, but Light wanted to see the other's reaction to L in a tie, so he said, "just from a little bit." 

"Okay," L said, bringing his thumb to his lips. Light looked at it. L had been doing that a lot more today. Plus, he was rubbing his feet together and staking things more than usual. He was nervous about something. 

"What's been bothering you so much?" Light said, finishing up the tie and tightening it, so it fit snuggly. L made a face at that and loosened it. Light did not comment. 

"I don't know what you are talking about, Light-Kun," L said, not looking Light in the eyes. 

"You have a tell when you lie," Light said casually, causing L to look up, "well, first off, you don't look up, but you also purse lips to one side, normally the left." 

L did just that. He pursed his lips to the left dramatically, causing Light to chuckle. L blushed lightly, a warm feeling settling in his chest. He decided that he liked Light's laugh and wanted to make him laugh more. 

"Not that dramatically," Light said, "I don't think that the others have picked up on it yet, which is a relief." 

"I don't lie that much," L said. 

"Sometimes," Light said, "but seriously, what's been bothering you." 

L looked down, not answering his question. 

"C'mon L," Light said, placing a hand on L's shoulder. L looked at it like he always did when Light showed him a bit of physical affection. Like he was surprised by the action. "I don't like seeing you so upset. What's wrong." 

"Nothing that will affect the case," L said while thinking of Watari's words. 'If you somehow end up in danger or hurt, don't bother calling me.' Did Watari mean that? L was not sure. It scared him to death that he could be alone on this outing. Light being there brought him comfort, but Light did not have Watari's resources. If he did make Watari mad enough to leave him high and dry, then he was in big trouble if something happened. It almost made him not want to go to the fair, even though Light and the rest of the team spent a lot of time convincing him to go. 

"Well, that's good," Light said, "but it doesn't have to be about the case for us to talk about it if it's bothering you." 

"It doesn't?" L asked, seeming genuinely surprised. 

"No," Light responded, "I mean, we're friends, right?" 

"I don't know. I've never had one," L said, and it was heartbreaking to Light because he was telling the truth. 

"We are, for the record," Light said, "We enjoy being around each other, and we like each other in a platonic way, and we enjoy some of the same activities, like tennis and chess." 

"Light-Kun is my first ever friend," L said in a voice barely above a whisper, a tiny smile gracing his lips. He looked way too happy about realizing that he had a friend, though Light supposed he would too if he never had a friend before. 

"Yeah," Light said, "and friends tell each other why they are upset." Light knew that he was explaining like L was a child, but Light supposed that he needed to. L was not used to any of this, which was sad, but Light needed to show him. 

L seemed hesitant, shifting on his feet and chewing on his thumb for a few seconds, but a few seconds later said, "I'm nervous," in such a quiet tone that Light barely heard it. Like L was scared to admit it.

"What are you nervous about?" Light asked. 

"The fair," L said, only a little bit louder. 

"Why are you nervous about the fair?" Light said. 

L hesitated again before rambling, "people make me nervous. People will stare because I'm too pale and scrawny and I can't stand straight. Plus, don't understand social skills and I'm rude and…" here L stopped. Light looked angry. L tensed slightly. Light was angry with him. Did he realize that all those people were right? Did Light not want to be his friend anymore? L felt the back of his eyes burn with tears that he refused to let pop up. He wanted Light to be his friend. He liked it. 

"I'm sorry," L said.

"What are you sorry for?" Light asked. 

"I made you mad," L answered honestly, looking down. Why did Light make him feel so vulnerable and weak? 

"I'm not mad at you, L," Light said, placing a hand back on his shoulder, "why would you assume I'm mad at you?" L shrugged, so he was not going to get many answers from him right now. So, he continued to talk, "if people stare at you because of how you look and judge you because of it, you don't need to pay attention to them. They're idiots. If they don't want to get to know you, then that's their loss. And while your social skills aren't the best, you're not gonna be talking to strangers tonight. We're getting information from Misa and Mikami. You're going to be okay. I'll be there with you, and if you need help, I'll help you. Okay?" 

L answered with a sniffle. He had his head down during Light's whole lecture, so Light could not see his face well. So, Light did not realize that L started to cry. He did not mean to make L cry! 

"Hey," Light said, leaning down to try and catch his eyes, but L did not allow it, curling up slightly. "Why are you crying." 

"I'm not," L denied in a voice that was obviously filled with tears.

"It's okay to cry," Light said, "I just wanna know why." 

"You're nice, Light-Kun," L said, looking up a little, "You're too nice." 

"C'mere, L," Light said, opening his arms for a hug. L hesitated only a second before stepping into Light's arms. A nagging fear in the back of his head told him that Watari would somehow find out about this hug. L found, however, that he did not care at the moment. He wanted comfort, and he wanted the comfort from Light. He should not, but he did. 

"You deserve people that are nice to you," Light said, "everyone does."

"Thank you," L said, feeling a tightness in his chest loosen at the warm contact.

"You're welcome, L," Light responded, though L should not say 'thank you' because Light showed him a little kindness. 

Light wished that he could pry a little bit more, but he knew he could not. L was already crying, and though they were not sad tears (Light did not think so anyway), he did not want to push L anymore right now. Maybe later he could ask about Watari, but now he was content with what L had opened up to him about. 

"C'mon, let's go," Light said after L stopped crying, wiping the stray tears with his sleeve, "we gotta get there early to set up. Plus, I hear the ice cream is better when you get there first thing." 

L gave a tiny smile, not knowing how true that last statement was but finding joy in it anyway. 

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Direct quote from my friend "fuck Watari, don't you dare touch my baby, but Light needs to keep hugging the baby and showing him kindness." I could not agree more. 
> 
> Next chapter, L and Light will go to the fair.


	9. Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light goes to the fair only for it to turn sour.

L did not know if Light was correct and ice cream or if it was just because of Light's kindness, but it did taste delicious. 

"Mikami and Misa should not be showing until seven. It's six now," Soichiro said through their earpieces. 

"So, we have an hour to kill," Light responded, looking down at L, who was happily eating his ice cream like a kid. Well, like a Little. "What do you wanna do with that hour, Rue?"

"I don't know," L said with a shrug, "I have never been to a fair before, Light-Kun" he then looked up at the roller coasters with nervous eyes, "but I do not think I'll like the roller coasters." 

So, Light was right, "that's okay, we don't have to go on the roller coaster if you don't want to. They have games and stuff."

"Games and stuff sound fun," L said, and Light smiled at L copying his words. 

"Remember to keep an eye out for any dangers," Soichiro said. 

"Yes, sir," L said instantly. Sorichrio was the only other person that he respected enough to call 'sir' and not because Soichiro insisted upon it.

"Aren't most of these games rigged?" L asked, looking around at the games with suspension in his eyes. He could tell a lot of them were rigid just by looking at them. That did not seem very fair, but he supposed that was the point. 

"I think so," Light said, nudging L slightly, "but if anyone can outsmart shady fair vendors, it would be you, Rue." 

L's cheeks grew warm at the compliment. He was not used to them, but they made him feel good. In a selfish way, he hoped Light did not stop them. 

"That one looks rigged. You should play it, Light-Kun," L said with a teasing smirk while eyeing a husky puppy stuffie. It was black and white with a purple bow and blue eyes. There was a side of him that really wanted it. He had the urge to snuggle the fluffy looking toy to his chest. He wanted it! 

A memory flashed through L's mind. 

"Mr. Wammy, please don't," L begged, nibbling on his thumbnail, watching with big, tear-filled eyes. Wammy had his three stuffed animals in front of the fireplace. He was going to burn them. L's lower lip trembled.

"I have to. This is for your own good. You cannot have too many childish things with you. It will make the temptations worse," Wammy had a sympathetic look in his eyes. 

"I know, but," a tear escaped his eyes, "please, can I keep just one? Please?" he needed just one. He needed it. 

"No," Wammy placed a hand on L's tiny shoulder, "I know it hurts now, but it will be better for you in the long run." 

"I don't wanna watch," L said, dropping down into his crouch, tears now streaming down his face. He could not watch this. He closed his eyes.

Wammy ignored L's words and placed the first stuffed animal into the fire. By the time Wammy was done, L was sobbing quietly. He did not want to get yelled at for crying too loudly. He felt a hand on his shoulder. L flinched and looked up to see Wammy. 

"Let's get some cake, My Boy," Wammy said.

L sniffled and nodded, "okay." 

Light noticed both the slight mischief in L's eyes but also noticed him eyeing the husky stuffie. Light smiled. L wanted the stuffed animal, and he was going to have it. No matter how much money Light had to spend. 

"So, to win the husky, I need to shoot down all of the alien things?" Light asked, knowing that the vendors could be shady and not wanting to risk L's feelings if the vendor decided not to give him the husky. 

"That's right," the vendor said with an all too confident smirk, "but you gotta hit them all, Kid."

"Okay," Light said, picking up the rifle and looking through the scope. It was skewed slightly to the left. L was right, this thing was rigged, but Light was still confident he could win. The man handed the vendor the money. "Better think of a name, Rue." 

"Light-Kun," L said, "you don't have to do that," he did not want Light's kindness to go up in literal flames. 

Light simply smiled at the smaller man, aimed his shot, and fired four in a row. They all went down. L looked with amazed eyes. 

"I'll take the stuffed animal now," Light said to the now angry vendor, with a charming smile, "please." 

The vendor huffed and took down the husky and handed it to Light. Light took the stuffie and led L away, not wanting the vendor's bad mood to affect him. 

"There you go, Rue," Light said, trying to hand L the husky he wanted. 

L simply stared at the toy for a few seconds. He wanted to take the stuffie into his arms and snuggle with it but hesitated. He could not have it. Watari would make him get rid of it. He could not get attached to a comfort object. Not again.

"You didn't have to," L said, looking down and nibbling his thumbnail. He wished that he did not have shoes on so he could rub his feet together. 

"I know," flashing a smile at him, though he was concerned by L's reluctance to take the stuffed animal. He knew that L was trying to hide that he was little (Light wanted to tell L that he knew), but there was a sadness in his eyes, "but I wanted to." 

L gulped and slowly took the stuffed husky from Light's hands. It was so soft. He liked it. "Thank you, Light-Kun," L said and, despite knowing that he should not, hugged it to his chest. He felt warmth pool in his chest, and he gave a small, shy smile. 

There was a tug of something in Light's chest, and he wrapped an arm around L's shoulders, "what else do you wanna do?" 

"Can we play some more games?" L asked. 

"Sure." 

They went around the fair, playing games. L and Light won other, smaller prizes that he put in they put in Light's backpack. L kept the husky in his arms, not wanting to let it go. Light wished that he could freeze time and just keep playing the games with L. While L was getting slightly nervous about the number of people there now, he seemed okay as long as they stayed away from the crowds, and even if they did get near crowds, he would be put at ease by a hand on the shoulder. It felt good being able to comfort L. Light wished that they did not have to work on a case but knew that they had to. 

Still, he was very disappointed when he heard a squeal of, "Light!" he turned just in time to see a blur of red and blond before said blur attacked him in a hug. 

"Told you he'd be here, Miki," Misa said, letting go of Light, thankfully. Light looked at Misa, she was in her adult head space, but it seemed that she was childish even in her adult head space. 

"You need to ask before you hug someone," Mikami scolded but stared at L. L stared back, neither backing from the silent challenge. 

"Who's that?" Misa asked, looking L up and down, eyes settling above L's head. That was unnerving. It reminded him of how BB would look at him. L suppressed a shiver, leaving his face blank. 

"This is Rue Ryuzaki," Light said, "he's kinda shy." 

Misa's face showed confusion and looked above L's head again. 

After a second of silence, Mikami said, "well, it's nice to meet you, Ryuzaki-San," with a cold smirk that threatened to squeeze L's chest. 

"Well, Yagami-San, my Misa would like you to join us for the ferris wheel," Mikami said, turning his attention to the young man.

"That sounds great," Light said with a bright smile.

L had to force himself not to sigh. He was not the biggest fan of heights, but he would need to get over that fear for now. This case was more important than his comfort. 

As they approached the ferris wheel, Light noticed L's nervousness, so he put an arm around the smaller man. Misa and Mikami were traveling ahead of them. That's when he heard it. 

"... he's a baby," it was Misa who said it. The words were said so quietly that Light would have been sure he misheard it if it were not for the content. Was she talking about L? If she were, how the Hell did she know L was a Little. L did not seem to hear the words, but Light squeezed his shoulders. He could not say anything because L did not know that Light knew, and unless something bad happened, he did not have to tell L that he knew. 

Fortunately, the line to the ferris wheel was short, and the four of them were able to get into the gondola. 

…

"Did you get Ryuzaki's name?" Mikami asked as they got into the car. 

"Yes, but it's weird. I don't know how to say it," Misa said. 

"Then, write it down," Mikami told her, handing her a notebook. 

"But he's a baby," Misa told him, "it might not work." 

"He is L," Mikami said, becoming angered that Little did not write the name, "write it now!"

"Okay," Misa whimpered. 

She wrote down 'L Lawliet.'

…

"Well, that was fun," Light said with a sigh after Misa and Mikami walked away. He and L were currently by a fence, with L squatting one of the poles to be in the 'optimal sitting position' and holding his husky stuffy to his chest. He still had not named it. 

"I didn't like the ferris wheel," L said with a furrowed brow, thinking back to the conversation he had with Mikami and Misa, going over every word and thinking about why they used them and what it could have meant. 

"Do you have acrophobia, Rue?" 

"It's not to the point of a phobia," L said honestly, "but I don't like heights like that." 

"You hang out on the roof all the time," Aizawa pointed out through the earpieces. 

"That's different," L said, "I do not hang out near the edge, nor am I in an object that could easily break and fall a hundred feet from the air to the ground." 

"I won't say 'easily,'" Light said, putting air quotes around 'easily.'

"Amusement park rides were responsible for 30,900 injuries that required hospitalization in the past year. Not to mention there are approximately 2-5 deaths per year," L said.

"And how exactly do you know that?" Light asked, looking at the man like he was crazy, although he loved L's random facts. He had no idea that North Korea and Cuba were the only places around the world where people could not buy coca-cola until L told him. What exactly prompted that fact, he was not sure. 

"I got nervous," L muttered. 

"About the possibility of being injured or dying on an amusement park ride?" Light asked, a teasing smile on his face.

"Possibly," L said shortly, hopping down from the fence, holding the husky in one arm, "we should go back to the hotel…" 

L suddenly gasped that clenched at his shirt, right over his heart. There was suddenly pressure in his chest like an elephant was sitting on it. He could not breathe, and he wheezed out, desperately trying to get air into his lungs. He couldn't. The pain in his jaw and neck and jaw was unbearable. He felt himself break out into a cold sweat. He recognized the signs. 

"Hey, what's wrong," Light said, looking L up and down. He was sweating, he was wheezing, and his body was tense and still holding his husky in a tight grip. 

"H-Hospital," L stammered, then collapsed lifelessly. 

"Rue!" Light exclaimed, catching the smaller man. He laid L flat on his back and checked for a heartbeat and breathing while people shouted in his ear, asking what was going on. 

"L just collapsed. He's not breathing," Light said frantically, feeling tears burning his eyes, "this can't be happening." 

Light forced himself to calm down, "someone call 1-1-9!" Light screamed as he started CPR figures interlocked on his chest. Even if Kira got L, he could not just let him die. 

"C'mon L," Light whispered as that the growing crowd succumbed to the bystander effect.

Twenty compressions later, Light said, "c'mon, Bud, don't make me kiss you." 

Thirty compressions later, Light checked L airway. He still was not breathing. Not caring, Light put his lips over L's and breathed into L's lungs twice. He started compressions again. 

Eventually, Light lost himself in the process of trying to bring his friend back to life. He heard a crack and knew that he broke either his sternum or a rib. Light personally did not care as long as his friend woke up. A broken bone was worth it in comparison to L dying. 

Light was not sure how much time passed, but this time when Light checked his pulse, it was back. Light checked his breathing. It was back. 

It worked.

"L, c'mon open your eyes, Buddy," Light whispered, wanting to gather L in his arms, but knew that was probably not the best idea so that he placed L's head in his lap and ran in figures through his hair. His eyes were still closed, but he was breathing, though it was shallow. But that did not matter. He was fucking breathing. 

Light did not realize that tears were streaming down his face until he heard sirens and two paramedics surrounded him. 

"What happened."

"I think Rue had a heart attack," Light said as he stood with L's stuffie in his hand.

"Kira?"

"He hasn't done anything wrong," Light snapped, even though he knew it could have been Kira.

Light watched the paramedics placed L onto a gurney and started to roll him away. Light attempted to follow, but one placed a hand on his shoulder. "Stay here."

"Let me come along. He's my friend," Light demanded. 

"Hop in and stay out of the way." 

The ride was a blur of activity, and Light simply could not process it all. 

Until he heard, "he's crashing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am evil for leaving it on that cliffhanger.


	10. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L is in the hospital.

“Sir, you need to stay here,” Light heard someone say. 

He wanted to argue, God he wanted to argue. L just had two heart attacks in a row. How was that even possible? Light pushed that question to the back of his mind. He wanted to be with L, wanted to make sure that he was safe. The only thought going through his head was ‘protect.’ He needed to protect L. Make sure he was safe and cared for. He knew logically that he could not help any more than the doctors and would probably be in the way, but the logical part of his mind was not working. Light needed to protect L. 

With those thoughts running through his mind, he ignored whoever told him to stay put and attempted to follow the doctors and nurses. Until he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Sir,” a small woman said. The touch broke him out of his fog, and he stopped. 

“I understand that you are concerned about your friend, but he is receiving the best care possible. Please sit down in the waiting room, and his doctor will be with you as soon as possible,” the woman told him, pointing toward the closest waiting room. 

Once again, he wanted to argue. L was his (though he knew that he was not). He needed to make sure that he was safe and cared for. That was his job. However, Light knew that he could not take his illogical thoughts out on a woman simply trying to do her job. So, he listened and went to go sit down. 

He blankly stared at the wall ahead of him, with L’s stuffy to the side, trying to get his emotions under control. L was not his Little, no matter how much he wanted him to be. It was not right to think of L as his until L consented to be his Little. If that ever happened, then L would be his. Until then, he needed to stop thinking of him in that way. L needed someone with their head on to help him both recover and catch Kira. 

So, he started thinking about the case. Was this a Kira attack? Possibly. It was too convent that L had not one but two heart attacks right after meeting with their prime Kira suspects. On the other hand, no one had been able to be resuscitated for a Kira attack, and people had tried. So, it almost did not make sense that it was Kira. Was there a possibility that Kira’s powers did not work on Littles? Maybe, but they did not know how Kira killed. Plus, no one but him knew that L was a Little. With the lengths that L used to hide it, Light knew that L would not be forthcoming with that information. Then again, there was a possibility that this was not a Kira attack. Then the question came, how did someone, who had no heart problems that Light knew about, have two heart attacks? Light supposed that it was not impossible. His father had a heart attack a few months ago from stress. Then again, his father was older. Fifty-one was not an uncommon age to have a heart attack, especially when combined with stress. L was only a few years older than Light. Even with the stress of the Kira investigation, it was rare that someone in their early twenties would have a heart attack. 

So, there was no way to determine whether or not this was a Kira attack. Light could only hope that the team was successful in catching Misa and Mikami like they planned. That would take at least some stress off of L, and he would need that to recover… if he survived. Light did not let himself go down that train of thought. L would survive… he had to. 

Just as he thought that he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He fished it out and looked at the caller ID. It was his father. 

“Hello,” he answered, not knowing if he could say anything else. 

“Light,” his father breathed as if he did not think that Light would pick up, “what is going on? Are there any updates on Ryuzaki?” 

“I’m at the hospital now. I haven’t heard anything yet, but he was breathing when they took him back,” Light answered, “what about Misa and Mikami? Do you have them?” 

“Yes,” Sorichrio said, “we currently have Aizawa and Mogi search Mikami’s car and are in the process of getting a search warrant for their homes.” 

Light breathed a sigh of relief, “oh, thank God.”

“Is there anything that I can do?” Light asked.

“You focus on Ryuzaki,” his father told him in a firm tone, “Watari said that he would join you later, but you are currently the one available, and he trusts you the most.” 

In a way, Light did not want Watari to come to the hospital but knew that he would. It would be a good way to get information from Watari and figure out how their relationship worked anyway. 

“Alright,” Light asked, “Is that everything?” 

“Yes,” Sorichrio answered, “call me with any update on Ryuzaki.” 

“I will,” Light assured, “and call me if there is any update on the case.” 

“Will do.” 

They hung up. 

Approximately twenty minutes later, the doctor came up to him.

“Friend of Rue Ryuzaki?” the doctor asked.

“Yes,” Light said as he stood, “how is he,” please be alive, please be alive. 

“He is stable now but is sleeping,” the doctor said, “his heart did stop again, so we are keeping a close eye on him. The next twenty-four hours are critical, but he has an 80% chance of living if he survives the next six hours. Given the number of times his heart failed him, I would not be surprised if there is damage to the heart muscle.”

‘Oh, please survive the next few hours, L,’ Light thought to himself, ‘we can work with heart damage. Just please live.’

“Can I see him?” Light asked. He needed to see L.

“Soon,” the doctor said, “I do have one question. Is there a next of kin? None is listed in his medical records.” 

“He should be arriving soon,” Light said, “his name is Watari.” 

“The last name?” the doctor asked.

“I don’t know,” Light said.

“Okay,” the doctor nodded, “I will be back to take you to visit.” 

“Thank you.” 

…

After a quick text to his father, telling him that L was stable but not out of the woods yet, the doctor led him to L’s room. 

Light was honestly expecting L to look much worse with tubes and wires poking out of him and connecting him to several machines that were keeping him alive, but that was not the case. He was connected to a heart monitor, which beeped every couple of seconds to let the people in the room know that the patient was alive. L also had an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. The bed was at an angle so that L was mostly sitting up. That was it, no large, scary machines keeping L alive. That was a relief. 

Light came to sit next to L on one of the hard plastic hospital chairs that would make his back hurt if he stayed in it too long. He sat L’s husky in his arms. 

“You still need to name him, Bud,” Light told him, “I’d threaten to name him for you, but I don’t want to put your poor stuffie through that. I’m terrible at naming things. My teddy bear was named Mr. Bear when I was five. I know, original.” 

Light continued to ramble about everything and nothing while waiting for L to wake up. The doctor said that he might not wake tonight, but Light, as he held L’s hand, prayed to every god that he knew, that L would wake up before he had to go home. 

Light prayers must have been answered because, in the middle of his ramblings, he heard a groan from the bed. Light sat up a little straighter and looked at the older man’s face. 

“Hey, L,” Light said in a quiet voice as not to startle him, “c’mon open your eyes.”

L groaned again at the voice, and Light smiled at the response to his words. His arms tightened around his husky, and he turned his head toward Light, face scrunched up slightly. 

“Hey, Buddy,” Light said when he saw L’s eyes open. He looked up at Light with confused eyes. He pulled the oxygen mask off of his face, and before Light could tell him to put it back on, he whispered-

“Am I dead?”

“No, L, you’re not dead,” Light said, maintaining a kind smile. 

“Not dead,” L repeated, “feel like I should be dead.” 

“Well, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” Light said, rubbing the back of L’s hand with his thumb. 

“Do I know you?” L asked, cocking his head slightly. 

“L,” Light said, smiling widening, thinking (hoping) that the older man was just messing with him. 

“You’re not the doctor?” L looked him up and down.

“I’m serious, L,” Light said, smile dropping and heart sinking. If L had amnesia, he had no idea what he would do. 

“My name is L,” L said, looking very much like a confused puppy, “really?” 

Light did not know how to respond to that. He looked behind him, ready to shout at a nurse or doctor to come to check L out, when he heard a tiny giggle. He looked back to L, who had a mischievous grin on his face. 

“Don’t worry,” L said, pushing himself up slightly so that he could be in a more comfortable position, groaning as the movement caused him pain, “I could never forget you, Light-Kun.” 

Light breathed a sigh of relief, hanging his head. L was the only person who would think of pulling that type of joke right after waking up in the hospital. 

“If you were not in the hospital, I would beat you for scaring me like that,” Light said.

“That is very violent,” L scolded, holding his husky to his chest, “I’ll have to tell Yagami-San.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Light said, pushing the nurse call button, “put the mask back on, you brat.” 

“I’m not a brat,” L whined as Light replaced the mask over his nose and mouth. When Light did not answer his protest, his eyes widened, “do you really think I’m a brat?” 

“No,” Light assured, “well, sometimes.”

“That’s mean,” L grumbled. 

“So is pretending to have amnesia,” Light told him. 

“I’m tired,” L said as soon as the nurse walked in. 

“Well, you can go back to sleep in a few seconds, Ryuzaki-San,” the nurse said with a kind smile, “I have a few questions.” 

After the few questions, which were the basic ‘how are you feeling?’ ‘what’s your pain level?’ and replacing his oxygen mask with a nasal cannula, the nurse smiled and left the room, saying that he could sleep. 

“You got him,” L said, petting his stuffie. 

“Yeah,” Light said, “you seem to like him.” 

“Yeah,” L said, eyes closing momentarily before opening them. 

“It’s okay, Bud,” Light said, taking L’s hand in his own again, “you need as much rest as you can.” 

“Will you stay, Light-Kun?” L asked, eyes drooping. 

“For as long as I can,” Light promised, “I gotcha.” 

“Thank you,” L muttered, looking down at his husky again. L said, “Oreo,” before drifting back to sleep. 

Light chuckled. L would name a black and white stuffed animal Oreo, but it was much more creative than anything Light would have.

“Sweet dreams, Buddy,” Light said, running a hand through L’s hair. 

…

Light stayed there beside L for another hour, not caring when his butt went numb. L was worth it. He rubbed L’s knuckles and told him stories. He could almost pretend that L was his Little at that moment.

He really needed to tell L that he knew. 

“Yagami-San,” Light heard, causing him to jump, having not expected the voice. He turned to see the nurse from earlier, along with the doctor. Neither looked happy. 

“Yes?” 

“We would like to speak with you a second,” the doctor said, making a motion with his arm that clearly indicated that he wanted to speak outside the room. 

Light gave L a glance and said, “I’ll be back, Rue.” 

“What is it?” Light asked, looking back and forth between the doctor and nurse. 

“Would you care to explain this,” the doctor said, handing him a chart that he could not make sense of. 

“What am I looking at?” Light asked. 

“This is the amount of Mephyltalet in Ryuzaki-San’s system,” the doctor explained, “Mephyltalet is an illegal regression suppressant, and these levels are dangerous.” 

Light’s eyes widened, a million questions running through his mind. Why was L taking this many suppressants? How long had he been taking them? Why was he taking illegal suppressants? When was the last time he regressed? Who was giving them to him? 

“I don’t know,” Light said, staring at the paper in shock. 

“These levels indicate years of abuse,” the doctor said, “I cannot believe that a Little would willingly take this drug for years. Do you have any idea who could be supplying him Mephyltalet?”

One name ran through Light’s mind, and it made white-hot anger burn through Light.

“Watari.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amnesia scene was inspired by an NCIS:LA scene of a similar nature in season 2 episode 16 "Personal." 
> 
> Yes, Light is now murderous. Everyone needs to keep Watari away for Light. It does not matter if Light is not Kira in this one, Watari may or may not end up dead. /S... but not really.


	11. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light confronts Watari

The doctor continued to ask questions.

"Were you aware of Ryuzaki-San's status as a Little?" 

"I had my suspicions," Light answered honestly. 

"What do you mean?" 

"A few weeks ago, he nuzzled against me," Light explained. 

Unfortunately, those were the only questions he had a straight answer to. Questions such as "does he have a caregiver?" and "when was the last time he regressed?' Light simply did not know the answers to. However, he had the feeling that the answers were 'no' and 'never.' 

"I would like to speak to Watari. He is the one you suspect is supplying the suppressants?" The doctor asked. 

"I don't know who else would be," Light told him. 

"Yes, I want to talk to him to see if this is an abuse situation, and if I believe it is, I will call the police."

"My dad's the chief of the NPA, and Rue works with him. Can he handle the arrest if it comes to that?" Light asked, never wishing that he was a detective more in his life than at that moment. If he were, he would arrest the old bastard as soon as he entered the hospital.

At the doctor's questioning look, Light continued, "Rue probably does not want anyone knowing about his dynamic, so the least people that know would be the best. He'll probably hate me for knowing," Light sighed. That last point, as much as he hated it, was more than likely going to be true. 

The doctor nodded his understanding, "once Ryuzaki-San wakes up, I'll have our psychiatrist speak to him. She is specialized in Little care. She could determine his subcategory and if he is stable enough to be released on his own. If not, we will need to think of placement."

"I'll take him," Light said without much thought. There was no way that he would let L go to a foster home or group home. He would not run the risk that L would be abused all over again. L deserved to be taken care of by someone he knew and trusted. 

"We'll see if it comes to that," the doctor said. 

"Can I ask you a question?" at the doctor's nod, Light continued, "what exactly does Mephyltalet do? Why's it illegal?"

"There are several reasons why Mephyltalet is illegal. First off, it's in a much higher dose than what is considered safe—nearly five times the legal amount. With that, there is a higher possibility that complications can arise. Issues with the kidneys or liver, problems with sleep, and fatigue are some examples. Several Littles have died of kidney or liver failure because of Mephyltalet. Mephyltalet also stays in the system much longer than legal regression suppressants, which is what caused the build-up in Ryuzaki-San. With the amount that Ryuzaki-San has in his system, it would not surprise me if he has a harder time regressing for months."

Light felt sick to his stomach. How could anyone do that to someone else. Risk death and for what? 

"Thank you," Light said.

"Would you like to see him again?" 

"Yes," Light said. He was not leaving L's side if he could prevent it. L needed someone with him. Light knew that L's world was about to come crashing down around him, and Light would be there to help him pick up the pieces no matter what. 

"Let me call my Dad first."

...

Once Light entered L's room, he sat down on the plastic chair and took L's hand in his own. 

"I'm so sorry, L," Light whispered, even though he knew L was asleep and could not hear him. He would apologize again once L was awake, but he needed to get this off his chest.

"I knew something terrible was going on between you and Watari, and I did nothing. I should have told you as soon as I figured it out you were Little. That could have prevented some of this, I think. 

I know you are going to hate what's about to happen, but I promise it's for your own good. Hopefully, one day you'll be able to see that. I promise you are not going through this alone. I gotcha, Buddy, no matter how much you might hate me after this. 

Just promise not to hate me for long."

Light stopped talking after that. He squeezed L's hand and sat there, trying to prevent the tears in his eyes from sliding down his face. 

…

Sorichrio was nervous. He received a call from Light saying that he needed to come to the hospital with Watari. He said that it was something about L. He claimed that nothing was wrong as he was still stable and did wake up and talk to him (apparently he should not be surprised if L told him that Light threatened to employ violence against L). Light would not give him any more information aside from that. 

So, Sorichrio, carrying a fuzzy blanket that L seemed to grow an attachment to, followed the nurse to L’s room. They were stopped by a doctor. 

“Watari-San?” the doctor asked, carrying a piece of paper. 

“Yes,” Watari said. 

“I would like to show you something,” the doctor said. 

“Does it have something to do with Ryuzaki,” Watari asked.

“Yes,” the doctor said, handing him a sheet of paper, “this is the amount of Mephyltalet in Ryuzaki-San’s system. It is an illegal regression suppressant.”

“What?” Sorichrio asked, sounding shocked. So, L was… no, there was no way. But, there was no other reason that L would take a regression suppressant. Sorichrio looked at the paper now in Watari’s hands. Those levels were bad, and if it were an illegal regression suppressant, well, no wonder L’s body was under constant stress. 

The doctor ignored Sorichrio’s shocked gasp in favor of looking at Watari. 

“Could you tell me where Ryuzaki-San received these drugs?” 

“I wish I could,” Watari said. 

“Were you aware of his dynamic?” the doctors asked. 

“No,” Watari lied. 

“You would have been his legal guardian when he would have been classified,” was Sorichrio’s rebuttal. All developed nations had laws that teenagers must be identified as either Caregiver, Little, or Neutral, and most had laws that they must be registered after. Japan’s laws were that they could start to be identified at thirteen and they needed to be identified and registered by sixteen. In Japan, and in most countries, the parents or legal guardians must be informed. Sorichrio could only hope that was the case for whatever country L and Watari were from. 

“And, according to Ryuzaki-San’s file, he grew up in England,” the doctor said, “so there is no way that you could not have known of his dynamic. So, I’ll ask again, who is supplying Ryuzaki-San the regression suppressants?”

Just as the doctor asked the question, Light walked out of L’s room to join the confrontation. He needed to hear whatever excuse that Watari would make.

“I have,” Watari said, calmly, almost too calmly, “you must understand.” 

“I don’t,” Light said, practically growling. 

“Well, this… issue could have ruined Ryuzaki’s career. I’m simply doing what’s best for him,” Watari calmed. 

“And Ryuzaki probably believes that,” Light muttered, and his father sent him a warning look. While he cared about L, he could not let his anger get the best of him. 

“How long have you been supplying Ryuzaki-San the suppressants?” the doctor asked. 

“Since he was identified,” Watari said and Light wanted the punch the too calm look off of his face. How could he admit to something so awful and look so calm?

“Did he want to take the regression suppressants?” Light asked.

“He needed some… convincing,” Watari said, “but ultimately he consented to them.” 

“If he needed convincing then it’s not consent,” Light said.

“He never wanted to be a Little, Light-Kun,” Watari said, “I am simply doing what I know is best by him.” 

Light was not going to start on the last part because he could go on a rampage about that, so he said, “no Little doesn’t just not want to be a Little. They have to hear or see something that makes them not want to be Little just like most other uncontrollable parts of an identity. So, what could Ryuzaki have heard or seen to make him not want to be a Little?” 

“What are you implying?” Watari asked, sounding offended. 

“Nothing,” Light said, “I have a friend in the ICU because his heart stopped three times. So, forgive me if I am not as tactful. I just want to know the truth.” 

“Well, I cannot tell you anymore,” Watari said, “I am doing the best I can by someone who does not want to accept a part of himself.” 

“No you're not,” Light said with barely controlled anger, “if you wanted to do your best by Ryuzaki, you want to help him accept that he is Little so that he could live a happy life, but you don’t. Now, why is that?”

“I do not like what you are implying,” Watari said. 

“What do you think I’m implying,” Light asked, “because I can assure you, I’m not trying to imply anything.” 

“That I am forcing him to take these suppressants,” Watari said. 

“I’m not trying to say that at all,” Light calmed though he was, “I simply asked why you didn’t try to do anything else to help Ryuzaki. I mean, you’re a smart man, you must know that you can’t run from yourself. So, didn’t you try anything, therapy, something?” 

“It could have ruined his reputation,” Watari was sounding desperate. 

‘Good,’ Light thought to himself. 

“Ryuzaki would have been what, fourteen, maybe fifteen at this time,” Light said, “he would not have had a reputation. So, whose reputation would he have been ruining?” 

“His future,” Watari said. 

“There are plenty of Littles that are successful,” Light said, “Littles are the reason that we have half of the technology in this hospital. Ryuzaki’s a genius, he can be successful and a Little. So, I’ll ask again, whose reputation would he have been ruining?” 

“Mine,” Watari said, then his eyes widened, as if he did not mean to say that. 

“So, let me get this straight, you let Ryuzaki take the suppressants because it would have ruined your reputation to help him accept who he is, or let him be himself,” Light said, “so, in other words, this was all for you, not Ryuzaki.” 

“That’s not it,” Watari said. 

“Then what is it?” Light asked, “because right now, that's all I can gain from this conversation.” 

“I couldn’t let him be like that,” Watari said.

“Like what?” 

“Like the perverts who run around flaunting their depravity.” 

“So, that’s it, isn’t it?” Light said, a hiss in his tone, anger pliable in the air, “you don’t like Littles. But now there is something that I don’t understand, why keep a Little around if you don’t like them? Is it the money? Is it the power?” 

Light did not realize that he had Watari pinned against a wall until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see the father. He had an understanding look in his eyes. 

“Light, stop before you do something you regret,” his father said. 

Honestly, the only thing that he would have regretted was that he could have ended up in prison, and therefore, unable to help and care for L. With that thought, Light took a few steps back from the old man and took a few deep breaths. 

“I will deal with Watari,” Sorichrio said, handing Light L’s blanket, “take this and take care of Ryuzaki. He will need you.” 

Light took the blanket with a nod, “thank you.” 

Sorichrio nodded, then grabbed Watari’s arm and practically frog marched him out of the hospital. 

“Visiting hours are technically over,” the doctor said, “but I make an exception for a Caregiver to be there for their Little.” 

“He’s not technically mine,” Light protested. 

“I have a feeling he will be,” the doctor said with a smile. 

Light gave a small, tired smile back. 

“I will get you a cot,” the doctor said, turning to walk away. 

Light reentered L’s room. He covered L in the blanket and tucked it around him tight. L muttered something in his sleep and snuggled closer to the fuzzy warmth. 

“We’ll figure all this out, okay Buddy,” Light promised, taking L’s hand in his own and settled in for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, wanted Light to hit Watari so something because it would have been so satisfying, but I thought that this was more in character.


	12. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissue warning.

Light did not sleep much that night. He watched over L, who (for once) was sleeping peacefully. The doctor brought a cot for him, and he did attempt to sleep on it and succeeded for about two hours. Then, he woke up and simply could not go back to sleep. So, he moved from the cot to L's bedside. Just as the sun started to rise, L groaned and opened his eyes. 

"Hey, L," Light whispered.

"You're still here, Light-Kun?" L asked, sounding surprised. He looked over to the cot. "You spent the night. I thought that wasn't allowed." 

"They made an exception," Light told him. 

"Did you threaten them?" L asked with a tiny smile. 

"Something like that," Light muttered. 

"Light can be mean," L stage whispered to Oreo. 

"Don't listen to him, Oreo," Light told the stuffie, "I'm a nice guy.” 

“Yes, you are very nice, Light-Kun,” L muttered. There was a comfortable lul in their conversation. Light wanted to bring up that he knew L was a Little and everything that happened the night before, but he had no idea how to. L would be devastated by everything that happened, and he would not be a fun conversation to have. 

Rip it off like a bandage, Light thought to himself.

“Listen, L…” Light attempted to start but was interrupted by L.

“How’s the case?” L asked. 

“Not that you need to be worried about L,” Light told him firmly, “but both Misa and Mikami were caught last night. Last I heard, the team had them in the cells that you designed and were combing Mikami’s house. But, as I said, you don’t need to worry about that. You need to worry about getting better.” 

“Will you take over for me until I get back?” L asked. 

Light was surprised by the question, “I’m just the intern.”

“We both know that you are no normal intern, Light-Kun,” L told him, “you are the only one I trust to take control of the case. Aside from Yagami-San.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure my dad has taken over for us in our absences, and I’ll relay the information to the team, don’t worry. For now, just worry about getting better,” Light said, ‘and the information I’m about to tell you,’ Light thought to himself. 

“What were you about to tell me?” L asked, “sorry, I interrupted.” 

“Uh, it’s fine,” Light said, scratching the back of his neck. 

“You are nervous,” L stated, “what is going on?” now L was starting to sound anxious. 

“I know that you are a Little,” Light said. The look on L’s face was a mix of horror and disbelief. 

“I-I do not know what you are talking about, Light,” L said, looking down at Oreo. He could not look at Light. How did he find out? He was being careful. Watari would be so angry with him. 

“L,” Light said, reaching out to touch him, but thought better when L flinched back, “there are regression suppressants in your system, a dangerous amount. Why are you taking so many suppressants if you are not Little?” 

L’s breathing instantly picked up, and his heart rate was getting faster. 

"L, I know you're scared," Light told him in a comforting voice. He tried to make his voice sound comforting but not like he was talking to a Little. L still did not seem to like it. 

"I'm not scared," L growled. He was scared, and Light knew that. He was like an animal caught in a corner and did not know how to escape. He was going to snap and snarl and act like he was angry to escape. Too bad Light saw L's actions for what they were and was not going to let L escape, no matter how mad L got. Honestly, L had a reason to be angry, but he did not need to let his heart rate get this fast. L was still recovering from his heart attacks.

"Okay, you're not scared then," Light said, knowing that if he told L how he felt, he was just going to make L angrier. That is not what they needed right now. They needed L to be calm so that they could talk.

"But your heart rate doesn't need to get this fast. So, please take a few deep breaths so we can talk."

Thankfully, L listened to him and took the deep breaths that Light wanted him to take, and his heart rate dropped back down to normal. Light was tempted to say something like 'good boy' as praise but knew that it would just further upset him, so he did not say it. 

"I do not want to talk," L said, still angry, and he did not want Light. Well, that was complicated. He did want Light, but he did not like that the Caregiver knew of his true dynamic. He was scared. "Where is Watari?" He needed Watari. 

"Watari's in jail," Light said honestly. 

"Why!" L screamed, getting the attention of a couple of nurses, "what did you do!"

Light raised a hand to the nurses to tell them not to come in. They listened but kept a close eye, which Light was thankful for. L did not need anyone else in the room. It would just upset him further. 

Light could not get mad or shout back at L. It would only escalate the situation. So he said, in a calm and steady voice, "Watari has been supplying you with illegal suppressants for years. That's why he is in jail. He broke the law, L," Light wanted to say so much more- that he hurt L by not letting him regress, that what Watari did to him was abuse. He wanted to say that he was safe now. That Watari would not hurt him again. But, Light knew that he could not say that. L would not believe him. He was more than likely in denial about what Watari did to him, and he would need to come to his own conclusion that it was abuse. Unfortunately, that could take a while. Fortunately, Light would be there for him. 

"He-he did not do anything," L lied in desperation. His lips pursed to the side ever so slightly. 

"Yes, he did, L," Light said, still calm, "he already admitted it," Light debated telling this part, but L needed to hear it, no matter how much it would hurt. "His exact words were 'I could not let him be like the perverts who run around flaunting their depravity.' L, that's not okay."

"He wouldn't say that," L denied, even though he knew that he would say something like that. Watari had said similar things. "You're a liar."

"I'm so sorry, Buddy, but he did say that," Light said, noticing the tears that pooled in L's eyes, "I want you to know that's not true. Littles are not depraved or perverted. All they do is regress. It's natural."

"There are plenty of things that are natural that aren't good," L said, almost like he was reading from a book, "mental illness, viruses, mercury."

Light had argued this point before (too many times, in his opinion) and said the same thing each time, "but all those things hurt people. Mental illness, which being Little is not, negatively impacts a person's life. Viruses and mercury can make someone sick or kill them. How does being Little hurt anyone?" 

L glared, "shut up, Light-Kun."

Light sighed, "okay, we don't have to talk about that. But I want to know the truth, did Watari force you to take suppressants?" 

L crossed his arms, "you'll hurt him."

That was a yes, but Light needed to hear it. "I'm going to let the law deal with Watari. Your name won't be brought into it, I promise."

"You don't know his real name," L pointed out. 

"Quillsh Watari is a deep fake identity, just like Rue Ryuzaki," Light whispered so that no one could hear him, "it doesn't matter what name Watari goes to prison with, but he is going to jail because he admitted that he broke the law."

L looked down, knowing that Light was right. He did not want Light to be right, but he was. Watari was going to prison. L felt… numb. Everything that he fought for was gone. Watari was gone. His resources were gone. His personal assistance and help were gone. His money was gone. L had maybe 100$ to his name. L's connection to Wammy's House was gone. He won't see the boys anymore. They would probably hate him once they realize why Watari is in prison and why L has to quit. His career is over.

"Everything is gone, Light-Kun," L said, his voice breaking. The tears that had been trapped in his eyes spilled down his cheeks. "Please, Light-Kun, don't take Watari away."

Light felt his heart shatter into pieces. The plea was so sad and pitiful that Light nearly broke down into tears. But he needed to stay strong for L. 

"I'm not taking Watari away, Buddy," Light said, "I know you don't believe me, but Watari hurt you. What he did to you was not okay. Littles need to regress. I know you are scared and upset, but you don't need Watari."

"Yes, I do," L sobbed, burying his face in Oreo's chest.

"L, listen, please," Light placed his hand on L's shoulder, "you don't need Watari."

"I don't have anyone else," L cried. 

Light wanted to stand and yell that he was right here, but he thought that might scare L, so he said in a kind, gentle voice, "I'm right here, L, and I'm not going to leave you."

L looked at L with wide eyes and tears streaming down his face, "please? Please don't leave, Light-Kun. I'm sorry for getting angry and yelling."

"C'mere, Buddy," Light sat on the bed and opened his arms. L practically collapsed into his arms, and Light held on tightly. L instantly nuzzled into Light's neck and held Oreo to his chest. The feeling of comfort and safety enveloped him as he smelled Light's pheromones. All he could do was cry against Light's chest. Everything was broken, and he did not know how to fix it. He wanted everything to be back to normal. He wanted everything to be fixed. 

"Shh, L," Light whispered into L's ear as he heard him repeat 'broken', "I gotcha. I promise I gotcha. I'm not leaving."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," L cried. He was not sure what he was apologizing for. Maybe for yelling at Light, perhaps as a way to beg Light to fix it. He knew that Light would not fix everything the way that L wanted it. 

"You don't need to apologize, Buddy," Light said, running a hand through L's hair to try and calm him down, "I'm not angry with you. You're okay," Light continued to whisper soothing nothings into L's ear until he was utterly relaxed against him.

L stayed in Light's arms for a moment. He did not want to move, but he had to. He could not keep cuddling with Light. It was not right. 

"I'm sorry," L said. 

"I have no idea what you're apologizing for," Light said, taking a cloth from the bedside table and drying L's face with it. L only fought against him for a short second. 

"I don't know," L admitted. 

"Then stop apologizing. You have no reason to be sorry," Light said.

"M-May I, please," L asked. He wanted to keep cuddling with Light. He needed to feel safe. No matter how wrong it was. 

"What're you asking for?" Light asked.

L blushed light pink and very purposefully hugged Oreo to his chest while looking at Light. Light could not stop the smile if he wanted to. For not wanting to admit that he was Little, L sure did do some obviously Little things. 

"C'mere," Light said, "I'll hug you as long as you need."

"Thank you," L muttered, resisting the urge to nuzzle again. 

"You don't need to thank me," Light told him. 

L seemed to ignore Light as he said, "how many people know?" 

"The doctor, a nurse, and my father," Light answered. 

L whined into Light's chest. 

"I know you don't want anyone to know about it," Light said. 

"Yagami-San can't know," L said, "I won't be able to go back to the Task Force." 

"Hey, look at me," Light said, and L lifted his head, eyes not meeting Light's, "my father's not going to treat you any differently. We're not going to tell anyone. As far as they know, you're just recovering from your heart attacks. I promise, L."

"Yes," L suddenly said after a moment of silence. 

"Yes, what?" Light asked. 

"Watari made me take the suppressants. It started when I was fourteen. He said that it was either that or I was kicked out of the orphanage."

"Oh, L," Light whispered, holding onto L a little tighter. The urge to punch Watari came back full force. To make a child choose their home or to deny who they are was sick. He was only fourteen years old. Light was not sure how old L was now, but this had to have been going on for nearly a decade. 

"I'm sorry," L muttered, obviously tired again. 

"Stop apologizing," Light scolded gently, covering L with his blanket. "Go back to sleep, Buddy."

"Tired," L said.

"I know."

It was not long until Light felt L go limp against him. He looked down and saw that L had Oreo held tightly to his chest with one arm and suckling on his thumb. Light smiled. Typically, a little sucking their thumb was a pet peeve of his. It was so much less sanitary than a pacifier. But, he knew that L would not take a pacifier, not yet. So, he did not do anything and would not say anything about the thumb sucking. L needed it right now, and he needed to know that any Little things that he did were okay. 

Light kissed that side of L's head and said, "everything's going to be okay, Buddy. Whatever is broken, I'll fix it or make it new. You're safe. I promise you are safe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the talk with the psychiatrist. It won't go well.  
> Look up This is Who I Am by Tape Machines. Not only is it a really good song, but I feel like it essentially summarizes L in this fic.


	13. Psychiatrist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a talk with the Psychiatrist. It does not end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly tipsy while writing this chapter. I'll edit this later.

"I don't want to talk to a psych," L told the doctor, crossing his arms with a slight pout. 

"I understand that," the doctor said, "but your status makes releasing you complicated. I cannot, in good faith, release you if your headspace is unstable."

"And if it is unstable?" L asked, trepidation in his tone. 

"Then we will need to set you up with a Caregiver, whether this is a Little Foster Home or a trusted Caregiver," the doctor explained, sending a knowing look to Light, "I would also like for her to see if she can determine your subclassification."

"I know my subclassification," L muttered in a tone barely audible.

"And if I may, what is it?" the doctor asked. 

L did not say anything. 

"Okay, then,” the doctor said, knowing that he would not get L to answer the question, “Dr. Len will be here at eleven.”

L simply nodded. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” Light assured.

“Will you stay, Light-Kun?” L asked, looking at Light with pleading eyes. 

“I will if I can,” Light said, “she may not let me.” 

“If she doesn’t let you, I’m not talking to her,” L grumbled. 

“L,” Light scolded gently, causing L to look down at his lap and worry Oreo’s bow between his thumb and forefinger. “Please, try and cooperate with the psychiatrist. I know you don’t want to talk to her, but please try.” 

“I don’t want to go to a Little Foster Home, Light-Kun,” L shivered, holding onto his husky a little tighter, “she’ll make them send me to a Little Foster Home.”

“I’m not going to let that happen,” Light told him, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder, “if it comes to that, you can stay with me. The doctor said that you could be released from the hospital with a trusted Caregiver.” 

“I trust you,” L said, and it was true. He trusted Light, “but…” 

“But what?” Light prompted. 

“I don’t need a Caregiver,” L said. He did not sound that convinced. “You should not waste your time with me.” 

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Light said, shocked that L would say something like that. Sure, Light knew that he had low self-esteem, but having low self-esteem and thinking so little of himself that he thought that he was a waste of time were different things, and Light needed to fix it. “You are not a waste of time, L.” 

“I can’t give you what you want,” L said. Light wanted a Little, and L was not sure that if he could be that for him. He did not want to be a Little. 

“What do you mean?” Light asked though he had an idea. 

“I don’t want to be that,” L said, “you-you want a Little, I can’t be that for you.” 

“Stop worrying about me, L,” Light said. Sure he would love for L to be his Little, but that was not what this was about, “this isn’t about me or what I want. This is about you and what you need. And Little or not, you need to stay with someone because you are recovering from heart attacks. At least for a little while.” 

“A-and I can stay with you, Light-Kun?” L asked, looking back up at Light with hopeful eyes. 

“Of course you can,” Light smiled, “while I think you need to let yourself regress, I’m not going to force you to do anything that you do not want to do. This is just a friend helping a friend.” 

L nodded, “thank you, Light-Kun.” 

“You’re welcome, Buddy,” Light moved from his (near permit) spot next to L to sit next to L on his bed. L subconsciously leaned into Light, and Light smiled at the affection but did not comment on it. 

“Do you want to finish your puzzle?” Light asked. Light had got it from the gift shop during L’s nap because he knew that L would start getting bored. He would need to get more things for L to do during his stay.

L nodded, “can you help, please, Light-Kun?” even though he did not need help with it. It would be nice to do it with Light. He just hoped that he was not being too needy. 

“Sure,” Light said. They sat in silence for thirty minutes until Dr. Len arrived at eleven on the dot.

“Hello, you must be Rue Ryuzaki,” Dr. Len greeted. One of L’s eye twitched at the tone of voice. It was a high pitched voice that one would use with a child. L did not like the tone one bit but did not say anything about it and nodded at the doctor’s question. 

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Len asked, coming to sit on the other side of L. 

“Like I had three heart attacks,” L said. Honestly, he felt like crap. His chest was sore and achy (not helped by his crying), and he still felt tired.

“Oh, that’s not fun, is it?” 

L did not dignify that question with a response, merely focusing on his puzzle. He and Light were almost done.

“I usually do these sessions with the patients alone,” Dr. Len told them, sending a pointed look to Light.

“Light-Kun stays,” L said, finally looking at Dr. Len, eyes daring her to push the matter. Thankfully, she seemed to understand the look and did not push him.

“Okay,” Dr. Len said, “we can do that.”

Dr. Len pulled a notepad and pen out of her bag. She looked at L for a moment noticing the plushy that he had tucked securely under his arm and the way that he leaned into Light. He was still focusing more on his puzzle than anything else, though he answered most of her questions so far. 

"What's your friend's name?" She asked, pointing her pen towards L's stuffie. 

"Oreo," L said, holding onto him tighter. 

"Is that because he is black and white," she asked. 

L nodded yes and put a piece of his puzzle into the full picture. He only had about twenty more pieces to go; then, he would be done. 

"Do you like doing puzzles?" 

L nodded.

"After you're done, I have toys we can play with," the doctor said. 

"I don't play with toys," L muttered, glaring at nothing. The woman was treating him like a Little. He did not like that. 

"Hey, it's okay, E-Rue," Light said, happy that he caught his near slip, "just listen to the doctor, please…" Light wanted to say more. That L was okay, and nothing bad would happen if he played for a minute or two. But, Dr. Len spoke over him. 

"I'm sure that we can find a toy that you like."

"Mm-hm," L hummed, not believing her. But whatever, he would listen to Light. 

"Look, Light-Kun," L said with a smile once he was finished, "I did it!"

Light smiled at L's enthusiasm. He could be so cute when he just let go and stopped worrying about being Little. "I see, Buddy, you did a good job." 

L smiled shyly at the praise, almost forgetting about the psychiatrist being in the room. 

"Umm, c-can you get more?" L asked shyly, almost scared that Light would think that he was being too demanding, so he added quickly, “I have some at the hotel.” 

“Yeah,” Light said with a nod, “I can get some of your puzzles tonight. Where are they?” 

“In my room at the top of the closet,” L told him, “Thank you, Light-Kun.” 

“You’re welcome,” Light responded. 

Dr. Len took that as her opportunity to speak up, “I’m going to give you a toy, and we can play with it for ten minutes, and I’ll ask some questions, okay?” 

“Fine,” L said, still not liking the idea very much. 

The first toy that she pulled out was a box of 42 magnetic shapes, including squares, triangles, diamonds, trapezoids, and hexagons. L did not want to admit it, but they piqued his interest. The doctor laid the box down beside his puzzle. 

L hesitantly opened the box and took out the instructions. He looked over several designs before settling on a fish. He followed the instructions and made the side of the fish out of four squares and the top and bottom out of two triangles each. All the colors for the body of the fish were red. He then took two squares so that he could make the back fin and two triangles for the side fins. They were all blue. 

“Look, Light-Kun,” L said, holding up the fish carefully in his hand so that Light could see it better. 

“I see the fish,” Light said with a smile, happy that L wanted to show him what he made. “You used a lot of red. Is that your favorite color?” 

L shook his head, “no. I like blue the best.” 

Light opened his mouth to ask something else when Dr. Len spoke, “do you like fish, Rue-San?” 

L nodded, a pang of irritation flooding through him. He did not mind those types of questions from Light. L wanted to tell Light about himself, but the doctor was annoying. He did not want to talk to her, especially when Light was here. 

“Do you like aquariums?” Dr. Len asked. 

L shrugged, “I’ve never been to one.” 

Light was glad that L was not looking at him when he said that because he frowned. He had never been to a fair (and his first time visiting one had been a disaster), and he had never been to an aquarium. How much had Watari deprived him of? Light was determined to find out and give L all of the experiences that he missed out on when he was a child. 

After a second of silence, which meant no more stupid question from the doctor, for now, L took apart the fish gently and put the pieces back into the box. There were still six minutes left on the timer. So, he looked at the instructions again. 

He found a helicopter design. It was much more complex than the fish. He could do it himself, just like with his puzzle, but he wanted Light to help him. L did not want to think of it as playing with Light, but as Light helping him solve a puzzle, just like he did with the completed one on the table. 

“Can you help, Light-Kun?” L asked for the second time that day. 

“Sure,” Light said, more than happy to help L build something, “which one, Buddy.” 

“The helicopter, please,” L said, pointing at the helicopter design.

“Of course,” Light said, looking at the instructions with L, “looks like we start with four squares…” 

L and Light continued to build the helicopter with minimal interruptions from the doctor, which Light was thankful for. Without the doctor’s interruptions, L was able to get lost in the play and enjoy it, but every time Dr. Len the more tense and upset that L got. Light hoped that this session would be over soon. 

The next toy that the psychiatrist pulled out was a peg board game. There were two boards, one was plain red, and one had lines of red, blue, green, yellow, purple, and orange. L hesitated a little longer to play with this one. It was a toy for a toddler, and as much as L did not want to think about it, he did want to play with this one more than the magnets. 

With a couple of prompts from Light, L started matching the colors on the lined board. He started with orange, the color closest to Light. When he was done with that, he moved onto purple. 

“Can I help with the red?” the doctor asked. 

L shook his head, “I can do it,” he said, though he knew that if Light asked, he would have said yes. Maybe he was being rude, but he did not care. He wanted the physiatrist to go away. He was getting more tired, and he wanted to take another nap. 

Once he was done with the board, he pushed it back to the doctor. “I’m done,” L said. 

“We still have a few more minutes on the timer,” Dr. Len said. 

“I’m done,” L insisted, fully prepared to sit there and wait until the timer went off. He did not want to play with the toy anymore, and he was starting to become done in more ways than one. 

“Okay, we can move on to the next toy,” she said. 

L sighed and felt Light hold onto his hand and squeezed it gently. L squeezed back, grateful for the comfort. 

“I don't want to play with that," L glared when he saw the doctor pull out a shape sorter. It was a toy for babies, which he was not, no matter how much he did want to play with it in the back of his mind. 

"Are you sure?" Dr. Len asked. 

"Yes," L said in a nearly desperate tone. He was starting to get upset. He tried to control his emotions like he always did, but in this new environment, with everything that had changed and a stranger treating him like a baby, the control of his emotions was slipping. He had the overwhelming urge to snuggle against Light and shut the world out until the psychiatrist left and maybe a little bit longer. 

Dr. Len took away the toy only to replace it with a rock-a-stack. 

L blushed and shook his head, "I don't want that." 

"Can we just play with it for a minute or two?" The doctor asked. 

Tears sprung up in his eyes, becoming frustrated. He did not want to play with the stupid toy. What about that didn't the woman understand? 

"Hey, Buddy," Light's voice broke through his thoughts, "take a couple of deep breathes…" once again, Light wanted to say more, but the doctor did not seem to care.

"Calm down. There is no reason to get so upset," the doctor said, "tell me what's going on."

"I don't wanna play," L said, breathing picking up, and he rubbed his eyes. 

"Okay, we can be done with the toys," Dr. Len said, "we can move onto something else. 

L had to fight the urge to whine. He looked at Light with pleading eyes. The doctor was not listening to the signs that he needed a break, and he hoped that Light would say something. He needed Light to say something. 

"Dr. Len, can we give him a moment, please," Light asked kindly. He wanted to say more. How couldn't she see that she upset L and that he needed a break? 

"We can take a minute," Dr. Len said, putting the toy away. 

L sagged in relief. He leaned heavily against Light. He really wanted to bury his face in Light's neck and nuzzle and block out the world, but he knew that he could not. Not yet. 

"Are you okay, Buddy?" Light asked, concerned about L. He knew how much all of this was upsetting him, and he was close to the breaking point. All L needed to say was that he was done, and Light would do whatever he needed to do to make sure that Dr. Len left the room and L was comfortable. 

"I'm okay," L whispered, "just need a break, please."

"Okay, Buddy," Light said, rubbing up and down L's arm as he wrapped an arm around the smaller man. He felt L relax against him. Light smiled down at L, happy that he could comfort him. L returned the smile shyly and fiddling with Oreo's bow. 

Five minutes later, Dr. Len asked, "are you ready to continue, Rue-San?"

L felt a little bit better, but he was not sure if he wanted to continue. However, the sooner they started again, the sooner everything would be done, and the doctor would leave him and Light alone. 

"Okay, what's next," L asked, not looking at the doctor. 

"Next, I will show you three things, and you will choose that thing you like the best," Dr. Len explained. 

L nodded

The first things she showed him were pictures of animals. 

"I like the dog," L said, then added, almost absentmindedly, "Light-Kun has a dog."

"Yeah, I do," Light said, "she kinda looks like this dog."

"Will I get to meet your dog?" L asked, suddenly excited at the prospect of meeting Light's dog. Wammy's house had a dog that L loved, but he was killed when L was 16, and Wammy's never got a new one, no matter how much the children asked. 

"Yeah, Buddy," Light said, not missing L's smile. 

"Okay, what about out of these books," Dr. Len asked. 

L looked at the books and chose Charlotte's Web. He liked that book when he was a child. 

"Can you read it, Light-Kun?" L asked, handing Light the book then blushing at his forwardness. 

L looked so eager to have Light read to him that he nearly said yes. And he would have if the doctor did not stop him. 

"That's not what this activity is for."

L looked so devastated by the doctor's words, and he even pouted. Light felt angry with the doctor. She was pushing L to his limit and upsetting him. She could not even let him read to L for a little bit?

"I'm done," L said after a couple more choices. This session had been going on for over an hour, and he was tired and upset and just done. "Light-Kun, I'm done."

Light noticed the tears that escaped L's eyes and wiped them away, "what do you mean, Buddy?"

"I'm done," L repeated, "I'm sleepy. I'm done."

"We only have a few more things to do,” the doctor told him. 

L lower lip began to tremble, and his breathing started to get faster, “I’m done. Please, I’m done.” 

“Just a few more things,” the doctors said, pulling out a small teddy bear, a baby blankie, and a pacifier. 

“No!” L protested loudly, more tears streaming down his face and turning to Light and burying his face in Light’s chest, “make her stop,” L muttered. 

Light wrapped his arms around the trembling Little that turned to him for comfort. He was just starting to smell L’s pheromones. He was not quiet in his Little headspace but not in his adult headspace either. He was somewhere in between and probably confused about what he was feeling and upset. Light felt his instinct to protect take over. 

“I know you are the professional here,” Light said in a calm tone, though all he wanted to do was shout at the woman for upsetting his Little so much, “but, with all due respect, I think it’s time to stop for now. Rue’s upset and needs a while to calm down.” 

“It would be better if this is done all at one time,” Dr. Len protested. 

“To do what? Further upset him,” Light’s voice took on a dangerous tone. L did not like that tone at all. He knew that it was not directed toward him, but he did not like that thought of Light being angry. Bad things happened when people were angry. He sobbed against Light’s chest and burrowed further into the man and moved his head so that he could nuzzle. He smelled Light’s pheromones that made him feel safe and protected. 

“I think it would be best if you left so that I can finish the session,” the doctor said in a cold tone. 

“No!” L screamed, his anxiety and upset sky rocketed. He could hear his heart monitor beat faster and breathing became hader. His sobbing picked up, “no, Light-Kun, please. Please don’t go. Stay, stay, please stay,” L words gave way to panicked sobs. 

“Shh, shh,” Light cooed, starting to rock L, “calm down, Buddy. I’m not going anywhere. I gotcha, I gotcha. Take a deep breath for me, Buddy. I’m staying.” 

Unfortunately, Light was not the talking, Dr. Len was also trying to talk to L. She made the mistake of touching L. 

“No!” L scream, lifting his head to look at Dr. Len, “don’t touch me!” L then looked at his table and saw all of the baby items and became angry. He used his arm not holding Oreo to swipe everything off the table, including his puzzle. “I’m done!”

“Hey, hey,” Light said, grabbing L’s wrist in a gentle grip and using it to pull L closer to him and rocking him a little faster to try and soothe L during his panic attack/ tantrum. “I know, I know. It’s all done. Everything is done. You’re okay, Buddy.” 

L continued to cry against Light’s chest. He tried to listen when Light told him to breathe, but he could not listen. His chest was too tight and breathing was too hard. He was too upset. He just wanted everything to stop.

Suddenly L’s doctor rushed into the room, alerted by L’s heart monitor beeping so fast. “What is going on.” 

“Your physiatrist upset Rue so much that he is having a panic attack,” Light said, not stopping in his rocking. 

“His heart rate doesn't need to be this fast,” the doctor said, and it was obvious that L was not settling down anytime soon. He instructed the nurse to get a sedative. 

“What’s that,” Light said, holding onto L a little tighter when he saw the needle. 

“It’s a mild sedative,” the doctor said, “it will make him relax and might help him fall asleep.” 

Light nodded and stopped rocking L so that the doctor could take L’s arm. L cried louder and tried to fight the doctor. He did not know what was going on, but he did not want anyone else to touch him. Only Light was allowed. He felt a pinch in his inner elbow and whimpered. 

“Shh, Buddy,” he heard Light say, “it’s okay. The medicine’s gonna help you. Take a deep breath and relax.”

L whimpered, but listened and tried to take a deep breath. Breathing was easier and easier as the feeling of drowsiness overtook him. 

“Sleepy,” L whined, nuzzling further into Light.

“Shh,” Light hushed, “go to sleep. You’re safe.” 

“Light stay,” L said, forcing his eyes to stay open and not noticing when his thumb inched closer to his mouth. 

“I’ll stay, Buddy,” Light promised, “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

L hummed, thumb entering his mouth and he was asleep after suckling for a few seconds. 

“Tell me exactly what happened,” the doctor demanded after L fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor L.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk between Light, Dr. Len, and L's doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short, and I might switch the order of this chapter and last chapter because that will make more sense to me.

"Tell me exactly what happened," the doctor demanded, voice borderline dangerous. 

Light opened his mouth to respond that Dr. Len pushed L's boundaries too hard and caused him to have a panic attack because she wanted him to leave after trying to protect and defend said boundaries. Light was getting really tired of being interrupted. 

"I was performing the Johnlocke Subcategory Exam, and Ryuzaki-San became increasingly uncooperative and upset."

Light felt anger burn in his stomach, so he took a few deep breaths, so the anger would not be heard in his voice. Now was the time where he needed to keep his anger under control more than ever. He could not do anything that would get L sent to a foster home. 

"And why did he get so upset?" Light asked rhetorically and did not give Dr. Len, "Because you did not respect his boundaries that he tried to communicate with you. Rue told you no or that he was done seven times. You should have respected that. Rue should not have had to turn to me to try and get you to stop pushing him, nor should he have had a panic attack to get you to stop. You knew he was upset, but you still decided to push him. Then, when you realized that I would not allow you to push him anymore, you told me to leave, causing him to panic. You were out of line," here Light turned to the doctor, "if you want L to speak to a psych again, please choose one that will respect him." 

"I understand that you are upset," Dr. Len told him, "but sometimes you must push to get people to open up." 

"And I understand that," Light said, and he did. There were times that he pushed L a little bit to get him to open up. Still, there was a big difference because he respected L's boundaries, and if he set down a hard line about what he did not want to talk about, Light did not push it. Plus, L trusted Light, and he wanted to tell Light about himself. "But you pushed too hard. He was upset, and you made him have a panic attack. That's not pushing, that's trying to force him to comply, and trust me, that doesn't work with Rue."

"You also seem to forget that Rue is in the hospital because he had several heart attacks. He should not be getting upset. He has also been abused over half his life and been told that being Little is wrong. You acted like none of that happened." 

Before Dr. Len could say anything, the doctor said, "okay, tell me exactly what happened from the beginning." 

And Light did. He told the doctor that L was nervous about the test from the start, how Dr. Len would interrupt him when he tried to talk to or comfort L. He told the doctor how Dr. Len ignored L when he said that he was done and told Light to leave when L turned to him for comfort. He told the doctor how Dr. Len touched L without asking and talked down to him when he started to cry. It was a miracle that the psychiatrist did not try to interrupt but once. 

"... then Rue swiped things off of the table…" 

"I have never seen a Little do something like that," Dr. Len said. 

Light rolled his eyes. He could think of thousands of times that Littles and children that he babysat or his parents fostered threw tantrums and either threw something or hit. There is no way that what L did was the first time that she had seen a Little have a tantrum. What L did was not even that bad. He could have hit her. 

"Congratulations, you have never seen a Little throw a tantrum then," Light snapped. He could not help it. The psychiatrist was pissing him off. 

"Why did you ask Yagami-San to leave?" The doctor asked after Light explained everything that happened. 

"In my professional opinion, the attachment that Rue has to Yagami-San is unhealthy," Dr. Len said in a cold tone. 

Light felt his blood run cold and held into L's still sleeping form a little tighter, as if afraid that Dr. Len would try and take L away from him. "What do you mean?" he asked. 

"His attachment to you is ambivalent, anxious attachment," Dr. Len explained, "it is not a healthy type of attachment to have. I do not believe that he should be released into your care."

"And you think he'll just magically form a secure attachment to a random foster Caregiver," Light said, anger leaking into his tone, and Light was suddenly happy that L was asleep so that he did not hear his angry voice. L hated it when people were angry. "Might I remind you that L has been emotionally abused for over half his life, and he has technically just been abandoned by the person that not only abused him but he, unfortunately, trusted the most? Of course, he is going to be scared of abandonment. Anyone would. We are honestly lucky that he has an attachment to me at all." 

"I agree with both of you," the doctor said, "Dr. Len is right. Ryuzaki-San's attachment to you is ambivalent anxious, which is insecure. However, I do not believe that it would be wise to separate Ryuzaki-San from the one person that he has an attachment to."

Dr. Len opened her mouth to protest, but the doctor did not allow it. 

"If we have him placed in a Little Foster Home, I am afraid that he will be more scared to form attachments to his Caregivers. It might also create a cycle of insecure attachments, and you should know the type of lives people have when they have those attachments or none. The best thing that we can do now is focusing on the attachment he has with Yagami-San, and make it so that it is more secure, and stop the cycle of insecure attachments."

Dr. Len sniped that she did not agree. 

"Unfortunately, your opinion is null to me at this point because of your attitude, and this will be brought up to the chief physician," the doctor explained, standing, "I would recommend that we leave Ryuzaki-San to rest."

They walk out. 

"Poor, Buddy," Light whispered, looking down at L, "I guess she was right, your attachment is not secure, but I promise that we'll work on that. I'm not leaving you, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe that."

L continued to snooze on his chest. Oreo was held to his chest, and his thumb was in his mouth, as it always was when he was asleep. Light could not wait to go home with L and get him more comfortable in his dynamic. He could imagine L asleep with a pacifier in his mouth and smiled. While he did not know L's subclassification, he could guarantee that he was either an infant or toddler based on his reaction to more babyish things. He could not imagine L's headspace being any older with how he was reacting to things now. 

"Everything's going to be okay, L," Light whispered the promise, "it might not be now, but it will eventually." 

Light would do anything to keep the promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the Kira case will end, so it should be a longer chapter because I just want the case out of the way to focus more on Light and L. 
> 
> I also have an idea for a one shot, but it's pretty dark. The idea is that Light wins and decides not to kill L, but kidnap him, which I feel like is very typical for this fandom to be honest, and treat him like a baby (forced infantilism). Basically, Light thinks that L was not raise right (which, I mean, he's not wrong) and decided that he will force L to regress and "raise" him to be how he wants L to be. The one shot will be basically be a very detailed summary of how Light succeeds in this and going into narratives at a few big moments. For example, the first time that L reaches for Light because he wants to be picked up or want attention.  
> Would anyone be interested in reading this, or has any suggestions for the one shot (or this fic) please let me know.


	15. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a dream about Light.

L groaned as he woke up, rolling over to his side. He felt weird. It was warm, and he felt an odd sense of safety. L opened his eyes and squinted. 

His heart then began to race. 

He was in a crib, a big one. It was probably the equivalent of a queen-sized bed, just with bars all around. There was a mobile over his head. It had yellow, grey, and white stars of different sizes hanging down with a yellow moon in the middle. A part of him wanted to try and reach up and touch it, but he shooed that part of him away. He was not a baby.

Stars seemed to be the theme of the room he was trapped in. The wall the crib was on had constellations on it, and the ceiling had shining stars on it, bathing the room in low, blue light. L could not see much else in the room because the light was too low, but he could make out a cabinet and a large changing table and a chair. 

L wanted to shout at whoever trapped him in this room. Demand that they release him, but the words were not making their way past his lips. It felt as if there was something blocking the words, confining them in his throat. 

L then heard whimpering and whining, and it took a second for him to realize that it was him making those noises. L tried to make the noises to stop by pressing his lips together and biting his lip, but they were uncontrollable. L realized that his cheeks were damp. He was crying. As soon as he recognized that he was crying, an uncontrollable wail left his lips. 

What the hell was going on? Sure he was frustrated, scared even, but he should not be sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. L did not do that. He did not let his emotions take control like this. He did not cry. 

But he did not know where he was, and that was scary. He was in what looked like a baby room, and that was terrifying. He was not supposed to be a baby. He wanted to go home, but he did not know how to get back. L was scared. He did not want to be here. 

L clumsily rolled over to his tummy so he could bury his face in the pillow to try and muffle his cries. It did not work too well, especially when he realized he was in a diaper. The bulk between his legs was unmistakable. The realization was horrifying and humiliating at the same time. What was even more humiliating was the fact that the diaper was wet. It was soggy, squishy, and sticking to his skin, in a word, uncomfortable. L cried harder, his whole body shaking. He should not be in a diaper, especially not a wet one. He did not do anything. Was this some kind of horrific punishment? 

L reached down, trying to pull the diaper off, but he could not. Whatever he was wearing covered the diaper and had a zipper that L could not dream of pulling down with how upset he was. 

After a few seconds of sobbing, L heard the door open, and the lights were turned on. L burrowed into the pillow further. He did not want whoever was there to see him like this, though they could hear it. He heard someone call his name, and it was vaguely familiar, but L could not place the voice. 

The bars of the crib were then pulled down, and a pair of strong arms picked him up. L whimpered. He wanted to squirm out of the person's arms, wanted to demand to be let go, but his body had another idea. As soon as his head met the person's strong chest, his instincts took over, and he buried his nose in whoever's neck, so he could more easily smell their pheromones. This person was a caregiver; L could smell that. Their pheromones smelled like lavender and honey and screamed safety and comfort. L felt his body relax, and his cries lessen.

"Hush, Baby, hush," L heard the person say. Now that he was less unsettled, L recognized the voice. It was Light's voice. L looked up so he could see the person holding him to confirm that, yes, it was Light. 

What was going on? Why was Light holding him like this and talking to him like an infant? Why wasn't he trying to pull away? Why was it so comforting? 

Light smiled, his whole face brightening, "hey there, Baby Boy."

L whimpered at the term of endearment. He was not a baby; he was not. Tears that had slowed reentered his eyes and made their way down his cheeks. 

"Oh, Baby," Light cooed, holding L tighter, and whipping the tears away, "what's the matter? Did you have a nightmare?"

Had a nightmare? No, but he was having one right now.

"Shh, Honey, shh," Light cooed, bouncing L. As much as L hated to admit it, the bouncing did comfort him as did the whispers in his ear. 

L whined and buried his nose in Light's neck again. Everything was so confusing. He did not want this. He did not want to be held and talked to the way that Light was holding and talking to him. But, at the same time, it was so comforting. L felt warmth in his chest that he never wanted to go away, and there was a side of him that never wanted Light to let go of him. He felt so safe in Light's arms. L clumsily lopped his arms around Light's neck. He never wanted to let Light go. 

"There you go, Baby," Light said once L stopped crying and relaxed against him completely, "Papa's got you. No need to cry," here, Light kissed the top of L's head. 

Papa? L wanted to protest Light calling himself L's Papa. L did not have a Papa anymore. Not since he was four. Same with his Maman. 

L did not protest, could not protest. His body snuggled closer to Light. It felt good. 

"It's a little early for you to wake up, Honey, but that's okay. Let's get you changed; then we can get some breakfast. How does that sound?" Light said as he walked toward the changing table. 

L wanted to push away from Light once again. He did not want Light to change the diaper. Wearing one was humiliating enough; Light did not need to change him into another one. He was not in control of his body, however, and he did nothing as he was laid on the changing table, and Light reached under and pulled out a new diaper and wipes. 

L's stomach twisted painfully as Light started to unzip the sleeper. He felt like he was going to be sick. L's head turned away from Light, and his thumb entered his mouth. On instinct, L did not bite his thumbnail like he normally did; he sucked. Sucking his thumb felt good and made the tightening in his belly loosen slightly. 

"No, no, L," Light scolded gently. L then felt his thumb as it was pulled out of his mouth. L whined, long and high pitched, and kicked his legs to protest. That wasn't fair! Light was treating him like a baby and just told him no about sucking his thumb. That was not fair! L wanted to suck his thumb! 

L felt tears burn his eyes, and he whimpered. In the back of his mind, he knew he was being ridiculous. He did not need to suck his thumb, but that more logical side of him was slowly giving away under the baby side of him. 

"Oh, don't fuss at me," Light reprimanded as he reached over L, "here, Baby."

Light pressed something against his lips, and L opened his mouth. L then suckled, and it took him longer than it should have to realize that Light put a pacifier in his mouth. L knew he was giving in to his Little side, especially when his first thought was not to spit the pacifier out, but how comforting the pacifier was. That thought was not as terrifying as it should be, but he was so comfortable, and the way Light treated him felt good. He could not resist it anymore. Watari did not have to know. Did he? No, he did not. 

Light made quick work of changing L, which he appreciated. Just because he could not control himself and, in a way, wanted to give in to his Little side did not mean that he liked having his diaper changed, and he did not like it when Light put him into a dry diaper. There was nothing that L could do about it, however, so he closed his eyes and turned his head, suckling on the pacifier a little harder. 

“There you go, Baby,” Light said as he secured the last tape of the diaper, “all nice and dry, hu?”

L made a noise of agreement. As much as he hated to admit it, he did like the diaper now that it was dry. It made him feel secure and protected. It made him feel smaller. He liked it. 

“You feelin’ okay, Baby?” Light asked, concern lacing his tone as he pressed his lips to L’s forehead, “you’re not acting yourself.”

L whimpered, squirming and lifting his arms. He wanted to be back in Light’s arms. He did not want Light to ask him these questions. He could not even answer them if he wanted to.

“C’mere, Sweetheart,” Light said, picking L up once again, “do you wanna wear one of Papa’s sweaters?”

L thought about it a second. Light’s sweaters always looked so comfy, and it would smell like Light’s pheromones, which were so comforting. “‘Eah, ‘eah,” L cooed with a nod.

“Sounds great, Baby,” Light said in a high pitched voice with a smile that caused L to smile as well. He could not help it. Light’s smile was contagious, and L loved Light’s smile. 

L lifted his hand to pat at Light’s face. He felt the smile against his hand. L liked that. 

“Nom, nom, nom,” Light said as he pretended to bite at L’s hand. 

“Nah,” L squealed as he giggled and pulled his hand back. Light could not eat his hand! Light was being so silly! 

L placed his hand back on Light’s cheek to see if Light would do it again. Sure enough, Light did it again, and L pulled his hand to his chest with a squeal of delight. He looked up at Light with a big smile on his face and eyes filled with joy. 

“There’s my happy baby,” Light said, attacking L’s face with kisses. L’s little squeal turned into giggles as he buried his face in Light’s neck. He could not control his reactions to what was going on. L knew that already, but he was finding that he did not want to control his reactions. He was Light’s baby, and he knew he was not a baby, he should not want to be a baby, but being Light’s baby sounded too good. So, L did not fight his urges as he snuggled deep into Light. 

“Cuddly baby,” Light cooed, as he walked into his closet, “Which one do you wanna wear?”

L looked around for a few seconds before his eyes landed on Light’s maroon knit sweater. Light wore the sweater often and said it was his favorite, and L wanted to wear Light’s favorite sweater. 

“Ooh-ooh,” L cooed as he made grabby hands at the sweater. He wanted it!

Light chuckled warmly, “the maroon one it is,” he said as he took it off the hanger. 

“Stand up so I can get the sweater on you, Baby,” Light said as he put L down. Once L was to his feet, he pouted. He did not want to be out of Light’s arms. Light’s arms meant safety, and L wanted to feel safe and warm and protected. L also wanted the sweater, so he did not put up too much of a fuss. 

“C’mere, Darling,” Light said as he gathered L in his arms again and picked him up. 

L cooed as he snuggled into Light again. 

"Are you hungry, Baby?" Light then asked, already walking with L. 

L whimpered as he realized that yes, he was very hungry. He nodded.

"Okay, let's get something to eat, then," Light said, "how about oatmeal with strawberries?"

L cooed and nodded. 

Light smiled and kissed his forehead.

Once they entered the living room, Light said, "Papa's gotta make the oatmeal, but it shouldn't take too long, okay, Baby."

L did not answer, too focused on Light walking toward a highchair. Light pulled the tray off the high chair and tried to put L in it. 

"Nah," L whimpered, holding onto Light tighter. It wasn't that L did not want to go in the high chair, but he did not want Light to put him down. He wanted to be in Papa's arms. No, Light. He wanted to be in Light's arms. 

"Aww, we're feeling clingy today, aren't we," Light asked, bouncing L and patting his back, "that's okay, but I need to put you down to get you something to eat."

L nuzzled Light with a whimper. He did not want Papa-Light- to put him down. At the same time, he was hungry. 

"We can snuggle all you want after breakfast, okay," Light promised, "plus, you'll see me the whole time, okay?"

With these promises, L loosened his hold on Light just enough so Light could put him in the highchair. Light buckled L in. L made a noise of question and clumsily pulled on the buckle. It was attached to the high chair, so L could not get out. In the back of his mind, L knew that he should be angry at that, but he was not.

"Arms up, Baby," Light prompted, holding his arms up. L mimicked Papa-Light- and held his arms up. Light then put the tray back on the highchair. “Good boy,” Light (Papa) praised and ruffled his hair. L giggled and beamed at the praise. He wanted to be Papa’s- Light’s good boy. Light smiled at him and turned to get his breakfast. 

“There you go, Baby,” Papa- Light said once he was done making breakfast. He took the pacifier out of his mouth (which L did not like at all) and set the bowl in front of him before sitting down in a chair. L attempted to take the spoon from the bowl, but Light beat him to it. Light took the spoon. 

“Open up, Baby,” Papa- Light told him, spooning a spoonful of the oatmeal. L did not want to open his mouth. He wanted to insist that he could do it himself, but his body still did not want to listen to his brain and he opened his mouth. “Here comes the num nums.” 

“Num nums,” L cooed after he swallowed his bite. L opened his mouth for the next spoonful. 

Light smiled at him, “want more num nums, Baby?” Papa- Light! cooed. 

Saying num nums seemed to get a positive reaction from his Papa (Light, he is Light) and he wanted more positive reaction from Light, so he said, “num nums,” again after swallowing. 

“Sweet Baby,” Papa praised. L beamed. 

“Does my baby want his baba?” Light (Papa) asked after his oatmeal was all gone. 

“Baba?” L asked slowly, not knowing what Light was talking about, but Light must have taken that as a yes because he smiled. 

“Yeah, Papa will get you your baba,” Papa (Light!) said. He pressed his pacifier back into his mouth. L letched onto his pacifier and started to stuckle. Light then turned away without picking him but he did put his bowl in the sink. L whined. Light promised to snuggle after breakfast. It was after breakfast, so Light should pick him back up and give him a snuggle. He promised. L whimpered again, tears pooling in his eyes. He wanted his Papa’s snuggles. 

“Hey, hey,” he heard Light say as he rushed toward him, “what’s those tears about. Papa’s just getting you a baba.” 

L whimpered. He did not care what Light (Papa) was doing. He wanted his Papa’s snuggles now. He lifted his arms and made grabby hands towards Light. He wanted ups. 

“Aww, Baby,” Papa cooed, taking the tray off the highchair and unbuckling him. Papa picked him up. L sniffled and nuzzled his Light’s neck. “It’s okay. I got’cha, Buddy. Papa’s got’cha.” 

“Papa,” L said slowly, getting used to the name on his tongue. He decided he liked it. Light was his Papa. 

“That’s right, Baby. Papa’s got’cha,” Light said, wiping L’s tears away, “let’s get your baba then we can snuggle on the couch and watch cartoons.” 

L nodded. That sounded nice. 

“Okay, let’s get going then,” Papa smiled. He walked over to a cabinet and retrieved a baby bottle from it. L knew that his first instinct should have been to push the bottle away and reject it, but it was not. Instead, he reached for it. Papa handed it to him. “Wanna help Papa, Sweet Boy?” 

L nodded with a smile. He wanted to help Papa.

“Good boy,” Papa praised, kissing the side of his head. L attempted to return the kiss, but he forgot the pacifier in his mouth, so he just pressed his pacifier against his Papa’s cheek. The affection seemed to be heard and his Papa chuckled. “Sweet Baby.” 

Papa then walked toward the fridge and pulled out the milk. He then took the nipple off the bottle and poured the milk in the bottle. 

“Let’s warm it up,” Papa told him. He then placed L on the counter next to the microwave and placed the bottle in it. L leaned against Papa as they waited for his bottle to warm up. Light hugged him and ran his hand through L’s hair. L wrapped his arms around his Papa’s neck to hug him back. 

“Aww, big hug,” Papa said, holding onto L tighter. L giggled, liking the pressure. He held onto Papa tighter too. 

The microwave beeped, and Papa took out the bottle. 

“Can you hold this for Papa?” Papa asked. L nodded, holding the bottle so that Papa could place the nipple back on, “good boy.” 

L smiled.

“Let’s go to the couch so you can drink your baba,” Papa said and L nodded, liking that idea. 

“Baba,” L said.

“That’s right, Baby,” Papa cooed, walking to the couch. Once they got close enough, he saw Oreo. L cooed and reached for his toy. He wanted him.

“Oh, we forgot Oreo last night,” Papa said, picking up the stuffie and handing in to L. L squealed happily and cuddled the stuffie to his chest. “Missed your friend, didn’t you, Baby?” 

L nodded as Papa sat down so the L was on his lap. L snuggled into his chest. 

“Here you go, Baby,” Papa said, taking his pacifier out of his mouth and replacing it with the bottle. L did not hesitate to suckle on the bottle he hummed as he felt the warm milk hit his tongue. He snuggled deeply into his Papa.

“Sweet Baby,” Papa cooed. He then grabbed the remote and turned on a brightly colored cartoon. L cooed and watched the cartoon and got so distracted that he stopped suckling on his bottle. 

Papa tapped the bottom of his bottle, “keep drinking, Sweet Boy, finish your baba.” 

L looked back at his Papa and listened, suckling on the bottle once again. 

“Good baby,” Papa praised, stroking his cheek. L smiled. He wanted to be Papa’s good baby. L closed his eyes and leaned against his Papa. 

He loved this.

…

L groaned as he woke up. He opened his heavy eyes and looked around. He was in a hospital room. That was right. He was in the hospital because he had heart attacks. He was not at Light’s home being babied by a Caregiver. He supposed that he should be relieved. Everything was still normal. 

He wasn’t Light’s baby. 

That last thought brought sad tears to his eyes. He was being ridiculous. He should not want to be Light’s baby. Light was just a friend. L did not need a Caregiver. He did not do the stuff that he did in his dream. It was just a stupid dream. He should not be sad that he wasn’t Light’s baby. 

But he wanted to be Light’s baby. 

L felt his cheeks grow wet. He was crying again. 

“Hey, Buddy,” L startled when he heard Light’s voice. L turned his head and saw that Light was still by his bedside. “What’s wrong. Why are you crying.” 

“I’m sorry,” L apologized, rubbing his eyes. 

“What are you apologizing for,” Light asked. 

His dream. Wanting for Light to take care of him, but not being able to admit it. That he could not let himself be what Light wanted. 

It was not like he could say any of that. It would just start an uncomfortable conversation, and L was not sure if he could handle another conversation like that. He just wanted a cuddle. So, he shook his head and lifted his arms, silently asking for a hug. 

“C’mere, Buddy,” Light said, accepting the hug, “you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” 

He did not want to, so L simple leaned against Light and soaked up all the comfort. He could live with this if this was all he could get. 

Not that he wanted anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the conversation between Light, the psychiatrist, and L's doctor. Light is going to be pissed.


	16. Pacifier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light meets Ryuk and has a conversation with Misa.  
> After L wakes up and Light is not it the room. He gets curious about something.

Light stretched as he stood from his spot by L’s side. It was nine o’clock at night, and L was out once again. 

‘He’s sleeping more than I’ve ever seen him,’ Light thought with a fond smile, running a hand through L’s hair, ‘though he needs his sleep now more than ever.’

Light had wondered about L’s insomnia before and how L could stay up for longer than any normal person should. Now, Light knew that at least some of it was a symptom of L’s misuse of suppressants. Light still wondered, though, if that was all there was to L's insomnia. He hoped so. L deserved to be able to sleep. He also deserves to live a life where he is not scared to be who he is, but Light was not going to think of that at the moment. 

His father asked him to come to the hotel as soon as he could. Misa was apparently in little space and hysterical, and they could not calm her down enough to get answers out of her. His father was not comfortable saying anything else over the phone. 

"I'll be back, Buddy," Light said to the soundly sleeping man. He did not like the thought of leaving L, especially after he woke up crying earlier that day. L would not tell him what his dream was about or why he was crying, but it was easy to get him to calm down. Light was glad that L was comforted by him. 

Light left the hospital room, waiting outside for his father to pick him up. 

“So, what is going on with Misa?” Light asked as he climbed in his father’s car. 

“She is hysterical, as I told you over the phone. She is also asking to talk to you. Perhaps you can get information from her,” his father told him. 

“Why does she want to talk to me?” Light asked. He supposed it made a little sense, she knew him and he saved her a few days ago (God, that felt so long ago). 

“You are the only person that she knows on the Task Force,” his father said, then sighed. Light recognized the sigh from moments in his childhood and teenagehood where something was worrying his father but did not want him or Sayu to know about it. Paying the bills, how to take care of a Little, after him and his mother got into a fight. Something was going on and he either did not want to tell Light about it or he did not know how to. 

“Dad?” Light asked.

“We found a pair of strange notebooks and… you’ll see for yourself.” 

That was the end of their conversation. 

…

“What are these notebooks you were talking about?” Light asked as he entered the Task Force room. 

Aizawa stood and picked up one of the Death Notes, all of the heads in the room turned to a corner. Light, confused, also looked in that direction, but saw nothing. What the Hell was going on?

“You might want to sit down, Yagami-Kun,” he said. Light looked toward his father, raising a questioning eyebrow. His father nodded.

Light sat down. 

“Touch this and look around,” his father told him, touching his shoulder. 

“Okay,” Light said, hesitating a second before he took the notebook. He looked in the corner that everyone was staring at and screamed, falling off of his chair, despite the hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, Light-O!” the monster said cheerfully in an almost too familiar way that sent a shiver down Light’s spine.

“What are you?” Light asked, trying to keep his voice calm as possible. 

“A Shinigami,” the monster answered like it was common knowledge, “name’s Ryuk.” 

“God of Death,” Light said, recovering well despite seeing a monster and standing. He looked at the Death Note and opened it, looking over the rules. 

“This is real?” he looked around at the Task Force. 

“The names in there match the victims,” Matsuda told him, looking nervously at the monster… at Ryuk. 

Light hummed, flipping through the pages, recognizing many of the names. The last name written was L Lawliet in messy handwriting. 

‘L Lawliet,’ Light thought to himself, ‘is that L’s real name. If it is, how did he survive and how did Mikami and Misa get his true name? I can’t very well ask the team what they think of this name. I’ll ask L about it. Hopefully, he’ll tell me the truth. I might be able to ask Misa or Mikami if the notebook can kill Littles, though who knows how truthful they will be. Misa might be more truthful than Mikami…’

Light was brought out of his thoughts when Ryuk got into his personal space, “so, Light-O, do you have any apples for me?” 

“Is he gonna eat my soul if I don’t get him an apple?” Light asked, looking at the other men in the room.

“No, it gets pouty if you don’t,” Aizawa answered. 

Light eyed the bowl of apples at the end of the table, Mogi took the hint and tossed an apple to him. 

“I’ll give you a couple apples if you answer my questions,” Light brided, hoping that the Shinigami would not hurt him for attempting a bribe. 

Ryuk groaned dramatically, hanging his head, “always with the bribes, Light-o.” 

Light decided to ignore the world “always,” and smiled, he would take that as a yes. 

“Before you start that,” his father interrupted him, “you should touch this first.” 

“There’s two of them?” Light said in disbelief, touching the notebook without hesitation this time. 

…

After his conversation with Ryuk, which just confirmed his own suspicions, he had to talk with Misa. He tried to ignore the fact that the supernatural actually existed and he was missing with it right now. 

“Hey, Misa,” Light said, kneeling down to the little girl. She was curled up in the corner of the small cell. Personally, Light hated seeing a Little in a cell, but he had to remind himself- Little or not- that she was a part of the biggest mass murder the world had known. She was not an innocent Little and justice needed to be served. 

“Light?” Misa looked up with big, blue, tearfilled eyes.

“‘m sorry! I killed the baby!” Misa started sobbing, burying her face in her knees. 

Light’s eyes widened momentarily. She had to be talking about L. Crap. L does not want anyone he’s a Little, but it might have to come out at least to the team. Light, of course, would not do that until he talked to L.

“What do you mean?” Light asked, touching her shoulder, hoping that the touch would help Misa calm down. He was very aware of the six eyes watching behind the plexiglass. 

“‘zaki,” Misa sniffled, “wroted his name. Baby dead now.”

Light thought about that for a second. She thought that L was dead and admitted that she wrote his name down. Of course, her confession as it was now- made in Little Space and while distressed- would not be admissible in court. They would need her to make a confession while big and calm, but she could still help them now. 

“Honey, Ryuzaki’s not dead,” Light decided to say, wanting to take away some of the little girl’s guilt even if it was only a little bit, “he had a heart attack, though. Why’d you write his name?” 

“Miki tolded me to,” Misa answered, sniffling, “sayed ‘e was L. Sayed L was bad. In da way of Kira. Didn’ wanna. Tolded ‘im L justa baby.” 

Light sighed. Mikami manipulated her. That could get her off on a lesser sentence, but only a little bit. 

“When did you meet Mikami?” Light asked.

“Wanted ta meet ‘im,” Misa said, “Kira killed da bad guy dat killed my parents.” 

Light understood that, but that still did not excuse her actions. 

“Don’ wanna do dis no more,” Msa whined, “I scared.” 

“I know,” Light said. He did not get the chance to say anything else as Rem faded into the room. 

“Do you mean it, Misa?” Rem asked, in a gentle voice (for a Shinigami), “if you want this to end, you can give up ownership of your Death Note and lose all your memories about the Death Note.” 

“Wan’ that,” Misa whispered. 

“Wait,” Light said, “not yet,” Rem glared at him but Light ignored her for now. “We need your help,” and Light needed to talk to L.

“Help?” Misa asked. 

Light knew what he was about to say was borderline manipulative, but he justified it in his mind. They did need her help and information. Then, she could do anything she wanted. Hopefully, L would take into account that Misa lost her memories. You cannot convict someone who does not remember their crimes and would be highly unlikely to repeat them.

“Yeah, we still need you to tell us some things, and I need to talk to L,” Light said.

“L mad?” Misa asked.

Was L mad, Light wondered to himself. Yeah, he was mad and scared and anxious and confused because his whole world was crumbling around him, and he was struggling to carve out a new place in the world for himself and not knowing if he could do that. Along with all that, he was dealing with people finding out about his dynamic that he had been abused for most of his life, and not wanting to accept the care he so desperately needed. 

Light settled for, “yeah, he’s upset about a lot of things right now.” 

Misa whimpered curling up further on herself. 

…

L whimpered as he woke up. His chest hurt and mild panic ran through his mind, remembering his heart attack, but he took a deep breath, no matter how much it hurt. He was not not having a heart attack again. Light broke one of his ribs when giving him CPR. That is why his chest hurt so much. It was not even that bad, and L knew how to fix that. 

L reached over to the pain medicine button and pressed it once. 

“Light?” L asked and looked around the room. Light was not there. He looked toward the bathroom. The door was open and the lights were off. So, Light was not in the room. L felt himself pout, but forced his lip back, holding Oreo tightly to his chest. He was trying to convince Light to leave the hospital earlier that day. 

“Just because I’m stuck here, doesn’t mean that you need to be stuck here too,” L had said. 

But, that did not mean that he wanted Light to leave while he was asleep. That was mean.

L shook his head, the pain medicine already making his mind fuzzy and him a little sleepy all over again. L sighed. He was not used to sleeping this much and was kind of tired of it. Light told him that he needed as much rest as he could get and, of course, L knew that he was right, but that did not mean he had to like it. 

L muttered under his breath (he was not even sure what he was saying) and rubbed his puppy on his cheek, burrowing further into his blanket. He thumb traveled to his mouth. He was nearly unaware of it. He was honestly starting not to care. Watari got mad when he sucked his thumb. When he first got to Whammy’s, Watari told him it was something only babies did. It was such a change from the other orphanage, where the caretaker did not care if he sucked his thumb or needed more attention than the other kids his age. Then, when he was classified, Watari forced him to stop all of his childish behaviors and would get mad when he did anything that was too childish. Including sucking his thumb. Watari would pull his thumb out of his mouth and slap his hand harshly. One day, he left bruises. So, he tried his best to break the habit. He would suck on hard candy or bite his thumb in an attempt to satiate his oral fixation. It was not as good as sucking his thumb, but he feared the punishment that went along with it. He still sucked his thumb in his sleep, particularly when he was stressed. Luckily, Watari did not hit him for suckling his thumb in his sleep. He said that what he does in his sleep was, unfortunately, out of his control. 

L squirmed to get into a more comfortable position, thumb slipping into his mouth. He felt something hard dig into his side. L whined, remembering the fit he threw earlier. Light had not been able to get everything out of the bed, and because L was bedridden for at least the next day, there was no way to get everything out. 

L reached down to get whatever was annoying him so that he could get more sleep. He looked at it. It was the pacifier that Dr. Len tried to give him earlier. He glared at it. His first reaction was to throw it away. If Light was here he would have thrown it at him and told him to get rid of it. Light would then more than likely tell off because of his rudeness, but he did not care at that moment. 

Then, L remembered his dream and how comforting the pacifier was in his dream. Would it be that comforting in real life? L considered it for a second. 

No, he could not do it and should not be curious about it. A pacifier was a baby thing. But, so was sucking his thumb. That was different… somehow. 

L whimpered at the different, conflicting thoughts going on inside his head at once. In a way, he wished that he would make up his own mind on whether or not he could do stuff like this. In the back of his mind, he knew which side of him would win, but he did not want to think about it. 

It was just curiosity. L has always been curious, especially about things that he was not supposed to be. No one would know, anyway. It was past midnight and Light was not in the room. No one would come in his room to check on him for a while, so if he put the pacifier in his mouth to satisfy his curiosity, no one but him would know. He could not get in trouble. 

So, L took his thumb out of his mouth. He hesitated momentarily before replacing it with the pacifier. It was different than his thumb but not bad. The latex was softer and smoother than his thumb and the nipple was bigger than his thumb. The suckling motion was nice, of course, because that is what he needed, but the pressure from the guard was also nice. Overall, it was just as good (if not better than) as his pacifier. 

Okay, he curiosity was satisfied. He should take out the pacifier out of his mouth. But, he found that he did not want to take it out. Just like in his dream, that thought was not as scary as it should be. 

No one should check on him for a while, so it should not matter if he sucked on the pacifier for a couple of minutes. 

He was just going to close his eyes and suckle on the pacifier for a couple of minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally did not alternate between sucking my thumb and sucking on an adult pacifier to feel the differences. No, not at all.
> 
> Anyway, L is going to be embarrassed when he wakes up. Oh, no.


	17. Closed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The case is almost closed.

Light sighed as he walked out of Misa’s cell. He rubbed his forehead to try and soothe a growing headache. It did not work too well, especially when Ryuk fazed in front of him. He jumped back. Hopefully, this case would be over soon so that he could get rid of all the supernatural nonsense and never think of it again. 

“Yes, Ryuk?” Light asked.

“Hey, Light-O,” Ryuk said. 

Light was not sure which made him snap, Ryuk’s familiar tone or familiar language, or the situation as a whole. When this case first started, he was excited to catch the most notorious mass murder the world had ever known. Not to mention his near fanboy attitude toward working with L. Now, this case has become personal. He became L’s friend, then learned that L was a little, then learned about Watari’s abuse and L had his heart attacks. Light wanted to focus on L and help him accept his little space. He wanted to help L heal. He wanted to be L’s Caregiver. It felt like the case was preventing that. It was starting to make him mad. 

“Why are you talking to me like that?” Light snapped, “I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.”

“Hyuk, hyuk,” Ryuk cackled. 

Light tried not to show any fear at the laughter. He was not sure if he succeeded.

“Ya might not know me, but I know you,” Ryuk said. 

“What do you mean?” Light asked, eyes widening. 

“There are so many other worlds, Light-O,” Ryuk told him, his smile showing off his sharp teeth. 

“What?” Light asked, brow furrowing, “what the Hell are you talking about?” 

“Most of ya lives are so interesting,” Ryuk said, “at least when they involve L. If they don’t, ya get married to some girl and have some kids. Normal, boring life,” Ryuk rolled his eyes. As if that type of life was bad. 

“I’ll let you in on a little secret," Ryuk stage-whispered, "in some of these universes, you are Kira."

"What?" and that was all Light could say to that. His eyes widened as the words sank in. He supposed that it did really matter in his life. He always thought about the possibility of alternate universes and what that could mean. 

"Sometimes ya kill L," Ryku told him, causing Light's heart to fill with terror. He wouldn't ever kill L. L was his baby. 

"Sometimes, he ends up joining ya,” Ryuk revealed, “sometimes, ya give up ya memories and never get ‘em back. Ya join him. My favorites are when there is no Kira and ya meet. There are universes where ya don’t meet. These are… sad for both of ya,” Ryuk could not count the number of times he watched Light get divorced or die alone, or the amount of times that L died at the hands of a criminal or abuser. They were so alone in those universes. It was always better if he could push them together. Normally, when he told these stories to Light, it was to scare him a little bit- be a “troll” as Light (or L) called him in some universes. This information never had a true long lasting effect on Light, no matter what he was. This time, however, Ryuk felt the need to tell Light just how lucky he was in this universe even if it did not feel like it. 

“Ya die alone, you and L,” Ryuk said. 

“And the others we… don’t die alone?” Light asked, trying to think about his life if he never met L. He might have only known L for a few short (long) months but he could not imagine it without him. 

“Most of ‘em,” Ryuk said.

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Light asked because he could have gone all of his life not knowing any of the information that the Shinigami told him.

Ryuk smiled, “it always seems like a good idea.”

“I’m gonna go before I have an existential crisis,” Light said, walking past Ryuk, hoping that he understood this as a signal that the conversation was over. Now, it was time to have another conversation that he wanted to avoid having. 

“What does Misa mean that she killed the baby?” Aizawa asked.

Light looked at his father, trying to be subtle. It was a great time for the rest of the task force to gain some observational skills. 

“You knew?” Aizawa asked, turning to the chief. 

Soichiro, while he did not know as much as Light did, knew that L would not appreciate his dynamic being told to the team, so he said, “that is not important at the moment, what is…” 

“Ryuzaki hid something as big as his dynamic from us!” Aizawa shouted, “if I knew he was a Little, I wouldn't have…” 

This time Light knew what made him snap. It was a combination of anger, exhaustion, stress, and the fact that someone else was about to insult L for being a Little. L had enough of that (he was abused for it), and Light was not going to let anyone else do anything else to hurt L even if it was behind his back. 

“You don’t know the entire situation!” Light shouted back, causing the rest of the investigation team to turn to him in shock. They had never seen Light so angry, “and until you do, shut up and stop making stupid assumptions!” 

Suddenly, the room felt too stiff and closed in for Light to stand being in it for one more minute. 

“I need to talk to Ryuzaki,” Light muttered, turning to leave. He did not make it ten steps before he felt a hand on his shoulder. His first instinct was to shrug it off and keep walking, but he turned to see the very concerned face of his father. 

“Light, please slow down,” Soichiro nearly begged his son. Light looked exhausted and was obviously stressed if that little outburst a second ago said anything (not that Aizawa did not deserve to be snapped at), “you are exhausted, son, you need to take care of yourself.” 

Light, of course, knew that his father was right, but, “I can’t. L needs me. We are so close to closing this case.” 

“You told me that L was asleep when you left, yes,” Soichiro asked and Light nodded, “and we both know that a freight train going through that boy’s room would not wake him up.” 

Light chuckled, remembering the one time they all walked in on L sleeping and all took turns trying to wake him up until Watari told them that it was a waste of time to try and wake L up.

“Yeah, yeah, I know Dad,” Light nodded. 

“And knowing you, you would not have the heart to try and wake him up,” Soichiro told him, “so take a breath. We have the Kiras in custody and they are not going anywhere. All we need is L’s word on what to do, and this case will be over.” 

“I know that it’s selfish, but I want this case to end now,” Light said, “so I can focus on L.” 

“I know the feeling of wanting a case to end, but there is nothing that we can do until morning.”

Light nodded, “I guess you’re right.” 

Soichiro smiled, giving his son’s shoulder and reassuring squeeze, “so, go take a shower, get something to eat, and sleep.” 

Light very much felt like a child at that moment, but listened to his father and walked into the bathroom to take a much needed shower. 

…

Light could not stop thinking about two things. One, what Ryuk told him about the alternate universes. He knew that it would be in his head for a while before he got over it. One thing that stuck out was how Ryuk basically said that he was lucky that he met L in this universe, and hearing about how his life could have been (dying alone) he was grateful and knew that the feeling would grow as time went on. 

The second thing was, should he tell L that the task force found out that he was a Little? He wanted to say no, because he knew that it would upset L if he found out. On the other hand, if he found out in any other way, he would probably get mad at Light for not telling him. 

Light sighed, watching as Ryuk flew beside him. One thing that he would need to do was show L the Shinigami for him to believe anything. He did not want to, did not want L to be scared, but it was the only way to solve the case.

“You better not do anything to scare him,” Light said to Ryuk. he knew that there was nothing that he could do to the Shinigami, but he needed to make it clear that he was not to do anything scary. Honestly, he knew that Ryuk was a God of Death, but he was too goofy to be frightening half of the time. 

“Shinigami’s honor,” Ryuk said, holding up his claw. 

“Do Shinigamis have honor?” Light asked. 

“Not to human standards.” 

Light hummed as he pulled into the hospital parking lot. 

“Good morning Yagami-San,” one of the nurses said with a smile. 

Light returned the smile while thinking that he was here way too much. 

Light walked into L’s hospital room. The man was curled up on his side, back to the door. Not sure if L was awake or not, Light walked quietly up to the other side of L’s bed. “Aww,” Light smiled at what he saw. L had the pacifier Dr. Len tried to give him in his mouth. It was half way out of his mouth, so Light pressed it all the way in. L immediately started suckling and hummed in his sleep. 

“There you go, Baby,” Light whispered, running a hand through the man’s hair. 

“We’re going to have to wait until he wakes up,” Light told Ryuk, who groaned and flopped down on Light’s cot. 

Light rolled his eyes, almost wishing he would have brought Rem with him. 

L hummed a few minutes later, stirring. Light decided to keep “reading” and ignore L for now, knowing that he was going to be embarrassed about the pacifier. 

L blinked his eyes open and looked at Light. His cheeks burned as he realized that he still had the pacifier in his mouth. He ripped it out of his mouth and stuffed it under his pillow. 

Light was not sure what to do when he saw L tense and stuff the pacifier under his pillow. He decided to pretend that he did not see anything and put down his book, “morning, L.”

“Good morning,” L muttered. 

“I know you just woke up,” Light said, standing to retrieve the Death Note, “but we need to talk about the case for a while.” 

Desperate to think about anything but Light catching him with the pacifier and the fact that he fell asleep with it in his mouth (and it was the best sleep that he had in awhile), he said, “okay.” 

“First, you need to touch this,” Light said, sitting down next to L on the bed, “and please don’t freak out at what you see.” 

“S-sure, Light-Kun,” L stuttered, taking the book from Light’s hand, “Death Note?” L was about to open the book when Light said-

“Don’t do anything scary.” 

L looked up to see who Light was talking to, and he nearly had another heart attack. L gasped, eyes widening in terror. “Light,” L whimpered, pressing against Light and gripping the front of Light’s shirt, shaking like a leaf. 

“Hey, calm down, Buddy,” Light said, wrapping his arm around L’s shoulders and squeezing comfortingly, “his not gonna hurt you.” 

“Hey, Kid, name’s Ruyk,” Ruyk smiled. It was terrifying. 

“W-what are you?” L asked, trying to keep the tremble out of his tone. He was not very successful. 

“I'mma Shinigami,” Ryuk said, sounding a little too proud. 

“God of Death,” L said, he looked up at Light, not moving away from him, “please explain, Light-Kun.”

Light did. He explained all that they knew, including how the Death Note killed and that Misa wanted to give up her memories. 

“Has Mikami confessed,” L asked. 

“Yes,” Light nodded, “we have it on tape.” 

“Then he needs to be turned into INTERPOL with recommendation to be executed,” L said, thumbing through the Death Note, recognizing most of the names. He froze when he got to the last page and saw his own name. “They did try to kill me,” L said.

“Yeah,” Light said, “apparently Littles can survive the Death Note if they receive medical treatment.” 

L hummed. He was grateful for being Little for the first time in his life. 

“What do you want to do with Misa?” Light asked. 

“If she wants to give up her memories, let her and let her walk free,” L told him. At Light’s confused look, L said, “I cannot punish someone for something that they cannot remember and when they will be unlikely to commit another crime.” 

“Shouldn’t we give Mikami the option to do that too?” Light asked. 

“Yes, I suppose that would only be fair.” 

“And what will we do with INTERPOL if Mikami does give up the Death Note?” Light asked. 

“They will have to close the case eventually if the Kira killings stopped. So, I suppose we will have to wait. Then, we can laugh as the public tries to come up with an explanation for why Kira suddenly stopped killing,” L said with a small smile. 

“L,” Light scolded, even though he had to admit, it would be funny seeing the conspiracies roll in while they knew what was going on. 

L laughed at Light’s scolding, “if he does not give up the Death Note, then we proceed with the first plan.” 

“Okay,” Light nodded in understanding, “what do you want to do with the Death Notes after.” 

“Burn them,” L said without hesitation. 

“You can’t burn my note!” Ryuk shouted. 

L rolled his eyes, “think about that next time you wanna drop a note in the human realm,” when Ryuk pouted, he turned to Light and asked, “is that all?” 

“One more thing,” Light said, “Misa kept saying that she killed the baby. She was talking about you. The Task Force put two and two together.”

L groaned, feeling like he was going to burst into tears if one more person found out of his dynamic statues, “this just keeps getting worse,” L whined. 

“Well, you don’t have to see them again, I’ll tell them everything you said,” Light assured, patting L’s back, “so, it does not matter.” 

“What if they tell?” L asked. 

“They have no proof,” Light said, “and my dad and I will make sure that no one tells. You don’t have to worry about anything.” 

“Will you go tell them now?” L asked. 

“Sure, Buddy,” Light said, running a hand through L’s hair. Before Light was able to get up, L grabbed his shirt sleeve. “What’s up, Buddy?”

“I like it,” L said, looking down, not sure why he was admitting this to Light. 

Light was about to ask what L was talking about when he noticed that L was looking at his pillow. He was talking about the pacifier. Light smiled, so happy that L was admitting to liking a Little Item. 

“That’s okay, Buddy,” Light said, “you can like it.”

L simply nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter L and Light go home, and L has a nightmare that nearly pushes him into Little Space. 
> 
> Not sure if this will be mentioned next chapter, but, heads up, Watari's planning some shit and is pissed.


	18. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light get to go home.

Mikami did not give up his Death Note. On February 16, 2018, he was sent to INTERPOL with a recommendation that he be executed. On February 20, 2018, Mikami was publicly executed. 

Kira had been defeated. 

…

“Light?” Matsuda approached Light the day that L ordered everything to happen. 

"Yes, Matsuda?" Light asked, looking at the large box that the older man had in his hand. 

"The chief and I gathered some of Ryuzaki's things. His laptop, toiletries, and clothes and stuff," Matsuda told him, handing Light the box. 

"Thanks, Matsuda," Light smiled. 

"I, um, got him some other stuff he might like. Candy and stuff."

Light smiled, "the doctor might not like that, but that's fine." Light wanted to cut down on L's consumption of sweets but knew that stopping all of a sudden would simply make L irritable. Though he was not asking for sweets and was not putting up too much of a fuss about eating the hospital food. 

"Thank you, Matsuda," Light said, "L will appreciate it."

… 

"Matsuda got me a teddy bear?" L asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Light had to hold back a smile. He saw the gesture for what it was. Masuda was trying to say that he accepted L as a little. It was a sweet gesture, and if L saw it that way, Light did not know. 

"It's a pretty normal gift for someone in the hospital," Light said. He was not sure if that was the right thing to say. L associated most little items with humiliation or punishment or something that he should not want, so getting him to truly accept little items would be a challenge. 

L simply nodded at the words. He liked having stuffed animals again, even if he should not. Watari's words filled his mind, about how he should not want this type of stuff and how it was disgusting to like them. Light did not act like it was disgusting. He even said that he could like the pacifier (that was still under his pillow). L held back a sigh. These two conflicting voices in his head were awful to him. One that louder because he heard it so often, and he thought he should believe. And another, while quieter, he so desperately wanted to latch onto and so desperately wanted to believe. 

L sat the teddy bear next to Oreo, "Oreo has a friend now," L said, then scolded himself for how childish that sounded. 

Light chuckled at the statement, and Light's smile filled L with a warmth that he was not used to but decided that he liked. 

Maybe it was not so bad to say stuff like that every once and awhile. Especially if he did not get yelled at and Light laughed. 

…

Watari was fuming. That little fucking brat. He knew that he should have pulled the plug on this case as soon as he figured out there were so many Caregivers on the team, but L had insisted that he would be fine. He should not have listened, or he should have paid more attention to the Yagami boy. 

Watari shook his head. He needed to get out of here then get L. There was not a doubt in Watari’s mind that the Yagami boy was still with L (trying to brainwash him), and that the hospital was taking precautions, but that was no matter. All it would take was a quick email to do it. L would never turn his back on him, and if he did that was his own mistake. 

He already talked to Roger (after demanding a phone call for three days) and he had emailed L, but had not heard anything back from him. The little brat was ignoring him, but L never liked Roger, even when he was a child (calling him mean). He would not ignore Watari. 

All Watari needed was his bail money to be transferred and he would be out. 

Watari simply needed to have patience. 

…

“When can I get out of here, Light-Kun?” L pouted. He was so damned bored. It had been a week and while he was sleeping a lot (most way through the night and at least a nap or two during the day) and he had his laptop and games, it was not enough mental stimulation, nor was it enough to distract from a pull in the back of his mind. A pull to childish things. His stuffed animals and the pacifier (which he had totally not suckled on a couple more times when Light was not in the room) were not helping, but he was not willing to give anything away. He loved Oreo. Light won it for him and he was soft and fuzzy and nice to snuggle with when he was going to sleep and bow was fun to play with. He would feel like a jerk if he got rid of the teddy bear Matsuda got for him and had the same qualities of Oreo of being soft and nice to snuggle with. The pacifier was harder. He tried to throw it away or tell the doctor to give it back to Dr. Len multiple times, but he could not bring himself to do that. He knew what Light would say. That it was fine to want a pacifier and that he should not fight his little space, and he almost wanted to listen to Light. But there was another voice. A voice that was loud and angry, and he was scared of that voice and if it’s predictions coming true. So, he did what he did best, he tried to push away the pull and tried not to be Little. It was not easy, especially without the suppressants, but he was managing. 

“Tomorrow, Buddy,” Light said. Light had endless patience for him, which was new to L. He knew that he asked the ‘when can I leave’ question too much, and that he was probably getting annoying, but Light did not seem to care. Watari would care if he got repetitive. He would say that it was a part of being an annoying or bratty Little and it was something that he needed to stop. Sometimes it was hard to control, though, so he did not talk at all if that was the case. It was better than being yelled at. 

“Tomorrow’s too far away,” L said. He thought about getting on his laptop to watch videos or something (Light barred him from doing anything about cases) but he had a few angry emails from Roger that he did not have the capacity to deal with at the moment. If there were anymore, L was not sure if he was going to handle that very well. 

“I know, Buddy. I wanna go home too,” Light said sympathetically. He knew that L was bored out of his mind, and knew that he would be easier to entertain him once they got home. Thankfully, L was listening to him and not trying to throw himself at cases that Light was sure L had. Light knew that Watari was not the only person keeping L as the World's Greatest Detective, and did not know how consensual the job was on L’s part given the amount of abuse in his life from Watari and possibly other people. Light did not want L to fall into another cycle of abuse. If L wanted to keep being a private detective, Light was not going to stop him, but he did not want L to feel pressured to make any decisions related to that. He wanted to give L time to heal, both physically and mentally before he made any decisions about his life. L deserved that much and so much more. 

“It is getting late,” Light said, sitting on L’s bed and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. L relaxed in Light’s arms. That was something that both amazed and saddened Light. L was so eager to accept his touch and relaxed into it easily. Light knew why, and that was the part that saddened him. L was so touch starved that he craved any positive or gentle touch from someone that he trusted. Unfortunately, right now that only included Light. Hopefully, in the future, L would accept touch from others, but Light knew there was a long way to go. “Why don’t we watch movies or something.” 

“Movies,” L nodded. 

“Okay, let me put one in, Buddy,” Light said. 

L smiled to himself. He liked it when Light called him buddy. It made him feel special. He was Light’s buddy. 

“Put in Narnia, please?” L asked. 

“Sure thing.” 

Light put the requested movie in and L scooted over slightly so that Light could sit down. L wanted to snuggle. Light sat down and let L snuggle into his side as they watched the movie. 

“I’m sleepy,” L muttered by the time the movie ended, resting his head under Light’s chin. 

“Then close your eyes and go to sleep, Buddy,” Light told him, rubbing his back. 

“Wanna ‘nother movie,” L told him, struggling to keep his eyes open and thumb out of his mouth. 

“Tomorrow, Buddy,” Light promised, “it’s bedtime now.”

“Bedtime,” L muttered, popping his thumb in his mouth and closing his eyes, “night.” 

“Night, Buddy.” 

…

“It’s time to go now, Light-Kun,” L told him. He just got dressed in one of his white shirts and baggy blue jeans. Light, his father, and Matsuda help get everything of L’s from the hotel, which was a depressingly small amount of stuff and most of it fit into one other box, and get it to Light’s apartment. Light personally did not care what happened to Watari’s things. The hotel staff could throw his stuff away for all Light cared. 

“I know, Buddy,” Light said, smiling at L’s excitement to leave, “but we have to wait until the doctor gets back with the paperwork.” 

“Hurry,” L whispered mostly to himself, sitting down on the edge of the bed and holding Oreo. They packed everything else up (including the pacifier, but L was not going to think about that.)

“Be patient, you goof,” Light told him, ruffling his hair. 

“I am a patient,” L said with a smirk.

Light rolled his eyes, “you know what I mean.” He was honestly happy to see the sarcastic and goofy sides of L coming out. He had been either too tired or too sad or too overwhelmed to be his sarcastic self. 

The doctor then came in. 

“All I need is your signature, Ryuzaki-San,” the doctor said. 

“Thank you,” L said, almost too eagerly taking the clipboard out of the doctors hands and scribbling his name. 

“A nurse will be with you in a few moments.”

…

They were home. They were finally home. Light breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped through the door. Thankfully, it was evening, so most people in the complex were eating dinner and preparing to go to sleep. 

“Where’s the dog?” L asked. 

Light smiled. L was so excited to meet Yuri and Light loved that. “Yuri’s at my friend’s house right now. She should bring her over in a few minutes.”

L nodded, not sure what to do now that they were at Light’s house. This was nothing that L was used to. L was used to constantly working. Now that Light said that he should not do that and that he should relax and heal. So, he stood by the door, ready to follow Light’s instructions. 

“I’ll show you your room then we can unpack some of your things. Then we can go from there,” Light said, noticing L’s nervousness. 

“Okay,” L said, following Light into what was now his room. It was a decent sized room with a full sized bed in one corner, a night stand with a lamp, dresser, and desk. There were a few decor items, but other than that the room was pretty bare. Not that L minded that. He was used to things being bare. 

They worked quickly to unpack L’s few things. Light hung up his clothes while L put his laptop on the desk and his puzzles, games, and books found a new home in the night stand. Light saw L take out the teddy bear and Oreo and place them on his bed. L then took out the pacifier and quickly stuffed it under the pillows. Light did not comment on it. 

“Can I take a bath, please?” L asked, not sure if he needed the permission or not. Watari wanted to know where he was at all times. If he wanted to take a shower, he needed to ask and accept no as an answer. When Watari went to bed for the night, he was supposed to stay in the same room he was put. He did not allows follow that rule. As long as Watari did not know, nothing bad would happen. 

“Go ahead,” Light said, stomach churning at the question. How controlling was Watari? “You don’t have to ask for stuff like that, L.” 

“Okay,” L nodded, taking his bathing essentials to the en suite and shutting the door. 

Light sighed and walked out of L’s room. It felt like a weight off of his shoulder to finally be home just with L. He did not have to worry about other people and with the case finally being closed, he could just focus on L, which was amazing for him. They could truly relax and recover. Light felt like he could finally breathe. 

There was a knock on the door and Light smiled. Yuri was back. He opened the door to be, predictably, jumped on by a fluffy black mass. 

“Hello to you too, Yuri,” Light said with a smile, rubbing the dog before pushing her off gently. 

Takada smiled, “I hear the big case you were working on is over,” she said. 

“Yes, thankfully,” Light said. 

“I would love to stay and chat, but I need to get back to Kaito,” Takada said, referring to her little.

“I’ll see you later Takada,” Light smiled.

“And now Yuri has disappeared,” Light said to himself, looking around for his dog, though he had an idea where she would be. Yuri loved people, especially new people. She probably heard the bath going to L’s bathroom and went to check it out. Sure enough, Yuri was right outside L’s bathroom door, her tail wagging excitedly. 

Light let her be, knowing that L would be just as happy to see Yuri as Yuri would be to see L. Light then decided to start dinner. He knew that soup would probably be the easiest thing to both make and get L to eat. So, he decided to go with that while he called his father as he promised to call when they got home. 

“Hey, Dad,” Light greeted when his father answered the phone. 

“Hi, Light,” his father greeted him, “are you and L home?” 

“Yeah,” Light said, “we got home a few minutes ago. I’m cooking dinner now.”

“Do you want me to bring over the Little supplies any time soon?” his father asked. He offered to bring over some necessary Little supplies that he and his mother had because of fostering littles. There was no doubt in either of their minds that L would eventually slip into Little Space soon. The doctor told Light to not be surprised if he slips his first few days home as he would be more relaxed and calm. 

“We’ll see,” Light told him, “I don’t want L to get upset if he sees any of it.” 

“Okay, that makes sense,” his father told him, “just call me when you need them.”

“Thanks, Dad, I will,” Light said, hoping in the back of his mind that L would slip soon. He knew that L would be scared and angry and confused when it first happened, but Light would be there for him. 

“You’re welcome, son.”

They continued to talk for a few minutes until Light was finished cooking. With goodbyes, they hung up. 

“Hey, L,” Light said, knocking on L’s bathroom door, where Yuri was still standing guard. He had been in the bath going on thirty minutes, “you alright in there?” 

“I’m fine!” L shouted back. 

“Okay, hurry up, please. I have dinner ready,” Light said. 

“Okay, I’ll hurry up,” L shouted back. 

“Thanks, Buddy,” Light smiled. 

Fifteen minutes later, L stepped out of the bathroom in a pair of sweets and one of his white shirts. 

“Aw,” L cooed when he saw Yuri, smiling down at the dog, “you’re so cute!” L kneeled down, offering his hand to Yuri. Yuri sniffed L’s hand and licked it. L giggled and pet the dog. “Hi, there.” 

Light heard L’s giggles, his heart felt warm when he heard it. He walked into the room and watched Yuri’s and L’s interactions. He smiled. 

“Do you like her?” Light asked. 

“Yeah,” L nodded, smiling back at Light. 

“Yuri loves people,” Light said ‘especially Littles,’ Light thought to himself, but he was not going to say that out loud yet. 

“I can tell, Light-Kun,” L said, giggling as Yuri licked his face. 

“Okay, giggle box, let’s have dinner, then you can play with Yuri,” Light said.

L nodded, listening to Light and standing to get dinner. 

…

After dinner, L did play with Yuri for a while, playing tug of war and fetch for over an hour. Light sat down on the couch, watching them play, enjoying L’s giggles and Yuri’s playfulled growls.

“Have you ever had a dog before?” Light said, noticing how naturally L interacted with Yuri. 

“We had one at the orphanage,” L said, throwing Yuri’s rope toy into the hallway, which Yuri happily chased, “he slept in my bed every night and I was in charge of taking care of him most days. We got him when I was six, and he died when 16. The orphanage never got another one. Said a dog was too much work. It was sad,” but he was never allowed to cry about the dog dying. He was too old. 

“Yeah,” Light said, remembering his own sorrow when his childhood pet died. 

L then yawned and rubbed his eyes.

“Getting sleepy, L?” Light asked, knowing what his answer would be. 

“No,” L said as Yuri came back with her toy. Yuri dropped the toy in favor of resting her head on the tired human’s knees. 

“I think Yuri disagrees,” Light smirked, causing L to grumble something under his breath. He rubbed Yuri’s back. L and Yuri sat on the floor until L was mostly asleep. “Okay, Buddy,” Light said, standing up, “it’s time to go to bed.” 

“It’s not bedtime,” L grumbled under his breath, opening his eyes. 

“It is so bedtime, Buddy,” Light held his hands, which L thankfully took, “up you go.” 

L grummbed, but did nothing else to protest and walked with Light to his room, Yuri on their heels. 

“C’mon, Buddy, get in,” Light lifted the comforter so that L could get into bed. L nodded, climbing into bed and grabbing his stuffed animals. He snuggled them to his chest and curled up and sighed happily as Light covered him up. 

Light wanted to do more to help L drift off to sleep. He wanted to sing to him or read to him or hold him. He did not think that any of that would be appreciated, so he simply rubbed L’s back as he had done several times the past week. L hummed his appreciation, soon snoring with his thumb in his mouth. 

“There you go, Buddy,” Light said when L fell asleep. He stood, which Yuri took as her cue to jump onto L’s bed and lay down on her belly with her head on her paws by L’s feet. 

“You got him Yuri?” Light asked, petting her, “you look after him okay?” 

Light left the room, leaving the door cracked so that Yuri could leave if she wanted to. Plus, he did not know how controlling Watari was, and did not know if closing the door would singal to L that he was not allowed to leave the room. He hated that he had to think of things like that, but he needed to make L as comfortable as possible. 

Light knew that they would figure all of this out. Watari would never get his hands on L again, and L would have people in his life that cared about him. 

L would have the life that he deserved. Light did not care what he had to do to see that come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter L will have a nightmare and mostly slip, but try to fight being babied.


	19. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a nightmare. Light comforts him

“No, please, Sir,” L nearly whimpered, trying to keep the whine out of his tone and tears at bay, knowing that it would make Watari angrier, “my tu-st-stomach hurts. I-I don’t want anymore. I’ll be good, I promise.” 

“Just because you say it does not make it true,” Watari told him harshly, trying to hand him the pill. L turned his head away. He normally did not argue about taking the suppressants, but now they were causing him pain. He did not want to hurt anymore. This would have his sixth pill in under twenty-four hours. His stomach was throbbing and hurt so much that it was hard to stop the tears. He was curled up into a tight and tiny ball to try and ease the pain. 

“I-I’ll be good,” L whimpered pathetically, tears escaping his eyes, “I just need a second to calm down, Sir, people.” L knew that was not true, he would not be able to calm down until his stomach stopped hurting, but he did not want anymore. He would be good. He would stay out of Watari’s way until he could get himself under control. He would not act like a baby anymore. He was not sure how he was acting like a baby, but he would not do it anymore. 

“I am not arguing with you anymore, L,” Watari told him. L knew that there was no use in trying to fight with Watari anymore. His mind was made up. If he tried to run away (not that he thought he could move right now) that would only result in further punishment. So, he took the pill and glass of water out of Watari’s hand and took the suppressant. He drank the rest of the water. Not even a second later a sharp pain exploded in his stomach. L tried not to show the pain, but he grunted and curled up further. 

“Now get back to work,” Watari ordered him. 

“Yes, Sir,” L nodded, struggling to stand, but he did. He stood up and walked out of the room. He wanted to go into his room and curl up. His tummy hurt! He wanted to cry because it was too much. But he could not do that, if he did Watari would find out and get even more angry with him. Watari was already mad at him for something. So, he went back to his laptop. 

Well, he tried to, but his stomach did not let him. L nearly collapsed when another sharp pain exploded in his stomach and nausea crashed into him. Saliva flooded his mouth. L knew that he was about to throw up, and knew that Watari would yell if he had to “clean up L’s mess,” so he ran as fast as he could to the nearest bathroom. 

L barley made it before he dropped to his knees in front of the toilet where he violently emptied the contents of his stomach. L groaned and whimpered miserably as his stomach would not stop. He couldn’t stop it. 

Another round of nausea hit and he surrendered to his body’s violent reactions to the six suppressants that Watari forced him to take. L whined as his body finally stopped. The boy rested his too warm head on the toilet bowl after flushing. His stomach felt better now, which L was grateful for. Then he had the overwhelming need to receive comfort. He wanted someone to come into the bedroom and cuddle him and get him some water and get him to bed and let him take a nap. He knew that he should not want these things. Those were things that only babies wanted. He was not a baby. He wasn’t. 

He should listen to Watari, L thought. L squirmed and opened his eyes. It was dark. L whimpered in confusion. What was going on? Why was it dark? L did not like the dark. 

L attempted to sit up, but hit his head on something wooden. 

“Ow,” L said, rubbing his head. He reached up and touched whatever was above him. When he realized what it was, L’s heart sank 

“You’re gonna dig your own grave, Boy,” Justin Lang told him.

And that is exactly what he did at gunpoint.

“Watari!” L shouted, hitting the top of the coffin. His breathing came out shallow and fast in his panic. Tears pooled in his eyes. He was going to die. He was going to suffocate and die all alone. 

L forced himself to calm down and take deep breaths. Nothing would be helped by freaking out. He needed to stay calm and conserve oxygen. L reached down to press his emergency call button to Watari that was in his jeans. He did not remember if he did. Even if he did Watari would understand. 

“Please hurry, please hurry, please hurry,’ L thought to himself frantically. He forced his breathing to remain deep and slow. L had no idea how long he was but soon it felt like his lungs were on fire and he could not breathe. He tried to force all the panicky thoughts out of his head, but it was not working. All he could think was that he was about to die in a terrible amount of pain. 

Then, he heard something above him. Dirt moving. Someone was shouting his name. L sluggishly lifted his arm to hit the top of the coffin. “Watari,” L rasped. It had to be Watari. It had to be. Watari had to save him. 

“L!” he heard Watari shout back. 

L wanted to cry in relief and he would have if it was not so hard to breathe and if he was not so dizzy and if his head did not hurt so much. 

He suddenly was able to see the blue sky. L took in huge gulps of breaths and soothed the burning in his lungs. It was the best thing ever. He could breathe! Watari saved him.

“Watari!” L shouted, setting up and practically throwing himself at the man. He almost expected to be thrown off. Watari did not like it if he got clingy. He said it was annoying. But Watari seemed to make an exception for this time, and wrapped his arms around L’s body. L melted into the touch as tears entered his eyes. He sobbed in relief. He was not going to die. He was safe. He was not going to die. 

“Watari,” L said again just because he could. He was not struggling to breathe anymore. “I wanna go home.” L was not sure where home was right now. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed forever and forget this ever happened. 

“Yes, My Boy,” Watari said, “we will go back to the hotel now.” 

“Thank you,” L gulped. 

Watari tightened his hold on L. At first it was comforting, but then it became too tight. “Watari,” L squirmed, trying to push the man off of him. He did not like the hug anymore and wanted Watari to let him go. The man did not let go, if anything, his grip became stronger, nearly bone crushing. 

“Watari, stop,” L gasped when it became hard to breathe again, “let go. I’m sorry.” 

L then felt a piercing pain in the left side of his back. He gasped and his eyes widened as he felt something warm and wet started to slide down his back. L knew the feeling all too well. It was blood. He had been stabbed. But he was with Watari. Watari would not hurt him like that. 

L then felt someone push him to the ground and L whimpered as white hot pain surrounded his back. That is when he saw Him. L did not know His name. Not His true name. L refused to call Him by His nickname. He smirked down at L with perfectly white and straight teeth. No, He should not be here. L was with Watari. L wanted Watari back. L did not want to be with Him anymore. He scared L. He was scary!

“Poor Detective,” He said, stabbing him again in the stomach. L did not have the energy to scream, “don’t worry, Kid. It’s a shame really, I did like you. We had lots of fun. I’ll miss you, Kid.”

By the time He finished talking, it felt like He was speaking through a tunnel. His words kept echoing. L did not like it. L wanted to lift his hands to cover his ears so he did not have to hear the words anymore. They did not have fun. He hurt L. 

“Bye, Kid,” He said, kissing his forehead. L barely processed what could be seen as an act of affection. It made L shiver. But, L was also shivering because it was so cold. Why was he cold? L did like the cold. The cold was not safe. Warmth was safe. L wanted to be warm. 

Blackness started to dance in front of his vision. It was not a happy dance. It was terrifying. Darkness started to surround him at all sides. Like he was in the coffin all over again. L did not want to close his eyes, but he could not help in. Maybe if he closed his eyes for a little bit, everything would be back to normal. He would be back with Watari and be able to work again. That would be good. 

When L was able to open his eyes again, there was just a thin crack of light wherever he was. L’s surroundings started to become sharper, he realized that he was in a closet. Why was he in the closet? He had not hid in a closet since… L’s heart clenched in terror. 

“I do not know what to do with that child!” A man, Mr. Reeves, shouted at a young woman, Ms. Michelle. They were talking about him. 

“Please, give him more time,” Ms. Michelle begged, “his behavior is improving…” 

Mr. Reeves cut her off, “that boy is a freak. He is a danger to the other children.”

“He has never hurt anyone else,” Ms. Michelle told him, which was true. He only hurt himself, “he has trauma, you have to let him work through it.” 

“You are making excuses for him again!” Mr. Reeves shouted, “trauma is no excuse for the way that he acts! He has been here six months!”

“You are being cruel to him…” 

“No, I am being realistic. Our staff cannot have all of their attention on him in case he has a fit. The other children are scared of him and half of the staff do not know how to handle him.” 

“Then I will look after him,” Ms. Michelle offered, “I have worked with children like him before.”

“No, that boy will not be here another day if I have anything to say about it,” Mr. Reeves then sat down and picked up the phone. 

“Who are you calling?” 

“Barton’s,” Mr. Reeves said, “they are about to receive a new patient.”

They continued to fight after that. It was really, really loud and scary. L did not like it. L did not like it when Mr. Reeves won. He was going to Barton’s in three days. He was going to be locked away in a mental institution because no one wanted him. No one wanted him because he was bad and mean. No one wanted him. L felt his tiny heart shatter into a million pieces. 

When they left the room, L did the only thing that he could think of. He ran as fast as he could. He did not know where he was running to. All he knew was that he had to run away. Maybe he could find someone that would want him. L did not think that was possible, but maybe. His Maman and Papa wanted him, so maybe it was possible. 

A closed door was in L’s way, so he opened it and continued running. At least, he attempted to keep running, but he fell over a step that he did not see. L fell onto his hands and knees. 

He then saw polished shoes step in front of his vision. He tensed out of habit and looked up. His entire being flooded with relief when he saw Light in front of him. He had an eyebrow raised in question, and he was frowning, but L did not care. Light was here. That meant that this string of horrible memories had to be over. Light never did anything bad to him. Light was nice, and he would protect him from his past. Light would want him. 

“Light-Kun!” L shouted happily with a smile. He eagerly bounced up and hugged Light. He thought that made he should have asked first, but he wanted a hug, and Light always gave him a hug when he wanted it. 

L was not expecting to be pushed off forcefully so that he hit the ground with a harsh thunk. Tears immediately entered L’s eyes at the blatant rejection and pain. His lower lip wobbled. Light never treated him like that. Most everyone else did, so he supposed he should have been expecting it from Light at some point, but he was not. The rejection from Light hurt much worse than any stab wound or gunshot wound ever could. It hurt worse than the threat to be sent to the mental institution. 

“Light- Kun?” L whimpered, looking up at the man with pleading eyes. He hoped that Light said that it was an overreaction and that he did not mean to, but when he saw the look on Light’s face he knew that no such rationale was coming. 

“Don’t touch me, you freak,” Light snarled, lip turning up in disgust. Tears started to stream down L’s face at the words. No, no, Light wasn’t supposed to be like that. 

“No,” L whimpered, his voice sounded different to his ears, but he did not think about that. He needed to focus on how to get Light to like him again. He wanted to be Light’s friend. 

“What? Did you really think I wanted you? You really are pathetic. You were just an end to catching Kira. Even then, you were not very useful, spending the last part of the investigation in the hospital crying about Watari,” Light said, his voice dripping with hatred. 

“No! Stop it!” L shouted because he did not know what else to do to make Light stop. He did not want to hear any of this. None of it was true. At least, L hoped that none of it was true. Please, please, let none of it be true. 

“What, is poor Little Detective L going to throw a fit?” Light asked with a smirk, “you’ll never find a Caregiver with that type of attitude.” 

“No, don’t want,” that was all L could say before he broke down into sobs. He curled up into a tight ball on the floor and cried. Light did not want him anymore, and L did not know what to do. He wanted to fix it. He would do anything to fix it, but he did not know how. 

“Pathetic,” Light sneared, turning his back and walking away. 

L wanted to case after him, but his body was too overcome by sadness to listen to him. All he could do was lay on the floor and cry. He was alone. His best friend just walked away from him and he did not have Watari or Wammy’s House anymore. L was all alone. 

Nobody wanted him. 

…

Yuri woke up when she heard whimpering. She recognized the whimpering as a human in distress. She was on her feet in an instant. Her new Little human was in pain. She needed to help him. 

She nosed his tear stained face, trying to wake him. She licked him. She even nudged him with her head. Nothing was working. If anything, it was making him make more of those bad noises. She had to get those bad noises to stop. When those bad noises stopped, that would mean her Little human would not be hurt anymore. 

Nothing that she was doing was working. Her Little human needed another human to wake him up. 

Yuri hopped off of the bed and ran to Light’s room. Luckily, her other human was easier to wake up than her Little human. 

“What is it Yuri?” Light asked when Yuri whimpered. His first thought was L. 

As if to answer his question, Yuri hopped off of the bed and rushed to the door. She looked back at Light to make sure that he was following. He was so she rushed to her Little human’s room and jumped on his bed and looked at him. 

As soon as entered the room, Light knew why Yuri came to get him. L was whimpering and crying in his sleep. He was not thrashing but it was obvious that he was having a nightmare.

“Good girl, Yuri,” Light said as he ran over to the bed. Light gently shook L, “hey, Buddy. It’s time to wake up.” 

L whimpered, curling up tighter. 

“I know, Buddy,” Light said, shaking him a little harder, “wake up. Everything’s okay, you’re safe. Just wake up, please.” 

L woke up with a gasp. He saw Light. He did not know whether to be happy about that or scared. He was back in his room. Was that all just a horrible dream? Maybe he should be happy to see Light. 

Everything felt different. L did not know how to describe it. His brain was fuzzier than ever and all he wanted to do was Light to hold him and let him suck his thumb. His thumb was already in his mouth. He felt small. Too small to do anything by himself. Everything was so big. 

That is when L realized it. No, no, he should not do this he should not feel this way. It was bad. He was being bad. He didn’t want to be bad. L’s cries, which were starting to calm down, got harsher. He tried to squirm away from Light when he wrapped an arm around him. But he felt something cold and sticky between his legs. He sobbed when he realized what he did. He ruined Light’s bed. Now, Light was going to get mad at him and yell at him. He was going to make him clean up his mess while yelling and yell louder when he cried. L did not want to be yelled at. Yelling was scary and hurt his ears. 

“Shh, Buddy, shh. Everything’s okay,” Light pulled L into a hug. Thankfully, L did not try and fight him this time and collapsed into his chest, sobbing. Light nuzzled L, much how L was nuzzling him, to try and figure out what headspace he was in. He was not completely in his Little Headspace, but he was close. He was so close, and Light knew that he was going to fight tooth and nail to not drop completely. Light was going to try his best to gently push L into his headspace, but knew that there was going to be a fight. 

Light then smelled urine in the air. Oh, that is also why he is upset. L wet the bed. Of course, Light was not mad at him, L could not help it. He also knew that other people in L’s life might not have been so kind if he wet the bed before, so he said in a calm and gentle voice, “it’s okay. We’ll get you cleaned, Buddy.”

“I-I’m so-sow-sorry,” L stammered. His words wanted to come out all wrong. No, this couldn’t be happening. 

“It’s okay, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Accidents happen,” Light assured, “do you wanna take a bath really quick?” 

“Yes, pw-please,” L asked, trying not to sound as small as he felt, but knew that he did not succeed. His voice sounded weird. It was higher pitched and L did not know how to control it. 

“Up we go then Buddy,” Light said, helping the little boy stand up. L wobbled slightly once he was on his feet and he had to walk with his legs further apart because of his sweets sticking to him, but they made it to the bathroom. 

“Let’s get these yucky clothes off, Buddy,” Light said. He was in full Caregiver mode, so did not think twice about reaching for the hem of L’s shirt until L pushed his hands away. 

“I do it,” L said looking down. 

Light hated it, but he knew pushing some of the caregiving might make L all the more upset and might result in a tantrum, so he backed off and said, “okay, Buddy, you do it.” 

Light turned around to give L privacy and turned on the bathwater. 

“I-I’m done,” L said. Light turned to see a flustered looking L observing his feet. 

Light smiled, “Okay, let’s get in.” Light held his hand out and L thankfully took it, and Light helped step into the bath. “Does that feel good?” 

“Yeah,” L nodded. The water was warm. It was nice. 

“That’s good,” Light said, waiting for the tub to fill up a little more before turning the water off. “I’m gonna put your clothes and sheets in the wash, okay? I’ll be right back.” 

Light made quick work of the chore, noticing that L’s stuffies did not get anything on them, thankfully. He did not change the sheets yet as he did not want to be away from L too long while he was in the bath by himself. 

Yuri was stationed outside of the bathroom once Light came back, knowing that she was not allowed in, but wanting to watch what was happening, “good girl,” Light said, patting Yuri’s head while passing her. 

“Are we ready to get clean?” Light asked. 

“Yeah,” L said, watching Light as he grabbed a washcloth, “I do it.” 

Light did not know how much of the bath L could do and did not want him getting upset if he could not do it, so Light asked, “can I help, please?” L seemed to consider it, so Light continued, “I just wanna help you a little bit. I’m still sleepy. Are you still sleepy?” L nodded. He was still super sleepy, “I can make this really fast so we can go back to sleep. How does that sound?” 

“O-okay,” L stuttered. If it would help him get back to sleep sooner, it should be okay, right? Yeah, it was okay. 

“Good boy,” Light said, praise slipping out without him thinking about it. “Everyone needs help sometimes,” Light said when he noticed that L was still crying. Poor baby. “It’s okay to need help.” 

L did not believe that, but Light seemed to believe it, so he let it go. 

“The water’s nice and warm, hmm?” Light asked as he wet the washcloth and put soap on it. 

“Yeah,” L nodded. It was nice. L hummed as Light began to rub his back. That was nice too. 

“Yeah,” Light repeated with a smile, “I’m gonna wash your back first.” 

L nodded. 

“Now your arms,” Light said, and L nodded. 

The bath continued like this, Light warning L before washing a part of his body and L nodding his consent. 

“Good boy,” Light whispered when he was done rinsing the boy off, “nice and clean now.” 

L, who now had his thumb in his mouth, said, “yeah. Cw-clean.” 

“Okay, let me go get you some clothes, then we can get out,” Light said.

“K,” L nodded. 

Light walked out of the bathroom. He knew that what he was about to do would upset L, but he already had one accident and was so close to his Little Space that he was sure that L would have another one. Both would upset L terribly, but at least this way they would not have a mess to clean up. Plus, it could push L into his headspace in a more gentle way than having another accident would. 

So, he called his father. Luckily, it was five in the morning, so he knew his dad would be awake, work or not. 

“Hey, Dad. I think we’re gonna need those little supplies sooner than I thought,” Light said when his dad picked up.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, L will get really, really upset by what Light is about to do because trauma. The next morning, however, Light will be able to ease L fully into his Little Headspace.


	20. Diapers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twenty fucking chapters. I think that this is going to be longer than 28 chapters.

In order to pass the time, Light not only got L's clothes (they needed to get him more things than just his white shirts and jeans. At least he had a few pairs of sweatpants to sleep in) he also flipped L's mattress and changed the sheets, knowing that if he did it while L was in the room, he might get embarrassed. 

There was giggling from the bathroom and the sound of gently splashing water. Light smiled. He walked slowly and quietly to the bathroom, so he was not heard by L.

L was smiling down at the water, gently splashing with his fingers. The boy flicked his fingers, spraying the water. L giggled and did it again. Light leaned against the doorframe to watch the little boy for a few minutes. 

“Hey, Buddy, having fun?” Light then asked.

L blushed and stopped playing, hands going to his sides. 

"Aww, Buddy, you don't have to stop playing," Light told him, feeling guilty about interrupting L's play.

L shook his head at Light's words, "no playin'."

"Are you ready to get out then?" Light asked, not pushing the subject.

L nodded.

"Okay then, let's get you out," Light told him, maintaining a kind smile. 

"Do you need any help?" Light asked. He wanted to help L dry off and get dressed. He wanted to try and push him closer to his head space but knew that pushing too much would only serve to make L upset or panic. Because to him, he was not supposed to accept this kind of care. He was not supposed to be Little. He was supposed to live as a neutral even though he was not. 

L shook his head. He did not need any help. He could dry and dress himself. He was a big boy! Light handed him a towel and turned his back to him. L took a deep breath. His body felt weird like it was not connected fully to his brain. It was sluggish and not listening to his brain when his brain told it to do right away. When his brain told his arms to lift so that he could dry his hair, it took a couple of seconds for his arms to listen. L wanted to whine about it. He did not like feeling this way. It was weird. But, L did not whine about it. He was not a baby. He was able to get dried off, albeit clumsily. L gave a little cheer inside of his head but did not dare to it out loud. Then, L tried to get on his clothes. He was able to work his shirt on with a few frustrated noises leaving his mouth when his arms did not want to listen to him, but he got his shirt on. His pants were different. He always had difficulties balancing on one foot when he was not feeling all weird. Now that he was feeling all weird, it was nearly impossible. L gave a whine of distress when he nearly fell down. He could put on his pants. He could! If only his body would be good. 

“Light,” L pouted.

“What’s up, Buddy?” Light asked, turning to look at L. 

“Need help,” L said with a blush, “please help.”

“Of course, Buddy,” Light said, taking the sweats from L, “hold onto my shoulder and lift a leg.” When L listened, Light praised him with a “good boy.” 

L smiled at the praise. He did not want to admit it, but he liked it when Light called him a good boy. No one ever called him a good boy. Everyone called him bad or at least insinuated that he was bad. It made him sad because he tried to be good for people. He wanted to be a good boy. He found himself wanting to be Light’s good boy. 

“There you go, L,” Light said as he pulled up L’s pants. 

“Thank you,” L said, “bed?” 

“Yeah, let’s go to bed,” Light said, knowing that his dad was going to show up soon. 

“Can, um, can,” L tensed and looked down. 

“Can what, Buddy,” Light asked. 

“Cuddles, please,” L blushed. He hoped that Light would not say no. He always said yes, but there was a thought in the back of his mind that Light would say no. That would make L really, really sad. He liked Light’s cuddles. 

“Of course we can cuddle,” Light said with a smile, “I love snuggling with you.” 

"Me too," L said. Why did he just say that? 

Light smiled comfortingly 

"Okay, Buddy," Light said, taking his hand, "let's go."

They walked to L's bed. In the back of his mind, L reminded his dream. He wondered what it would be like for Light to carry him. Would it be like the pacifier? Would he like it? 

L scolded himself. He should not be thinking of things like that. It was getting harder and harder to control these thoughts, and that was terrifying. 

Light got into bed first and rested his back against the headboard legs in front of him. 

"C'mere, Buddy," Light said when he was comfortable and noticed that L did not make a move to join him. 

With that permission, L climbed into Light's lap. It felt good. Snuggling into Light's chest felt so good. It was warm, and Light wrapped him up snugly with his arms. It was so nice. L snuggled further into the warm, comforting hold.

Yuri joined them, lying down right next to L. L smiled and reached down to pet Yuri's soft fur. 

"Here you go, Buddy," Light said, handing the boy his stuffed puppy and teddy bear. 

L smiled as he took the stuffies from Light's hands, "thank you," L said, holding the stuffies to his chest. 

"You're welcome, Buddy," Light smiled. He covered L up with his blanket from the hotel, tucking it around the boy. Light wondered for a second if putting L to sleep before putting on the diaper would be a good idea. He decided that, no, it would not be a good idea. There was no guarantee that L would wake up in the same headspace that he was in now. If he woke up completely big, he would be so mad at Light for going behind his back like that. It might break some of the trust that L had in Light. 

A knock at the door made up his mind for him. L tensed in his arms and whimpered while Yuri popped her head up. 

"You're okay, Buddy," Light assured, "I'll go get the door, you stay with Yuri."

L really, really did not want Light to go anywhere. He was enjoying the cuddles. But if he had Yuri with him and Light was super fast, maybe it would not be that bad. 

"Okay," L wanted to ask Light to be super fast, but he did not seem to have the words to ask that. 

"Good boy," Light said because no matter how much L tried to hide it, Light knew that L liked to be called a good boy, and Light would call him that until he believed it. 

When he opened the door, he saw his father on the other side with a worried expression on his face and several bags in his hands. 

"How is he?" Soichiro asked. Like any Caregiver, he hated when a Little was in danger, physically or mentally. 

"He's okay," Light answered, taking a couple of bags from his father, "but he is scared and doesn't want to regress. I think he had a nightmare, and he is so close to his head space but fighting it," Light sighed, taking out one of the plain white diapers. His father packed several packages of a few different brands. Some littles could be very picky about the types of diapers that they wore, so it was important that they try several to see the ones that they liked. That is what his father said. Light had a feeling that L would be one of those Littles when he became comfortable in his head space. 

"These are the moments I really wish I would have punched Watari when I had the chance," Light said. It was not fair. L should be able to regress without whatever that bastard taught him preventing it. This should not be the first time that he ever regressed. Light knew that the first time regressing could be stressful and scary for any Little because it was such a vulnerable head space to be in, especially for younger Littles. Even with a Caregiver, it could take a while for a Little to become comfortable in their headspace and get a schedule of regressing down. And this could be for Littles that were never abused or mistreated. L had been abused and shamed for being Little for years. They had a long road ahead of them for him to be genuinely comfortable regressing and accepting himself.

"I know, Son," Soichiro nodded. He was not usually one for violence of any type, but when it came to Littles of children, he was protective to a fault, especially when it hit this close to home. 

"But know that you are doing the best by L now. He simply cannot continue to live the way he had." 

"I know," Light said, looking into the other bags to see what was in them. They had typical things that a Little as young as L would need- bottles, sippy cups, onesies, sleepers, pacifiers, pacifier clips, teethers bibs, children's books, other diaper supplies, and toys (rattles and toys that made noises and lit up and others). 

"Thanks again, Dad," Light said, pulling out a pair of safety mittens. Just in case. 

"Do you want me to stay," Soichiro asked. 

"Yeah, that would be good," Light said, once again, just in case. 

Soichiro nodded, sitting on the couch and waiting in case his son needed him. 

Light put the mittens in the waistband of his pajama pants, not wanting L to see them and think that he was in trouble. The diaper was going to be hard enough.

When he got back into L's room, he saw L lying down in bed with the blanket around his waist and a soft, sleepy smile on his face. He was on his side, facing Yuri, petting her back. He had Oreo held to his chest, and his teddy bear was resting against Yuri's side.

"Light," L's smile brightened, "Yuri likes Matsui," L said, pointing at the teddy bear and Yuri. 

"She does?" Light asked with a smile. 

"Yeah," that is when L noticed the diaper in Light's hand. His face crumpled instantly, and tears entered his eyes. He did not want the diaper. He wasn't being a bad boy. He didn't mean to wet the bed. Light said it was just an accident. He didn't mean it. 

"No," L whined, shaking his head, "don't want. Not bad."

"Hey, listen, Buddy," Light told him, putting the diaper on the bedside table and sitting on the bed.

"'m sorry!" L cried. Yuri tried to soothe him by nudging his hand to encourage him to pet her. L did, and it helped him calm down a little. 

"Look at me, L, I need you to look," Light said, hooking a finger under L's chin and lifting his head. "You are not in trouble, Buddy," Light said slowly, hoping it would reach L, "the diaper is not a punishment."

It had been used as a punishment before, L wanted to say. He did not want that again. He was not a baby, and he was not being bad. He did not want it. 

"No want," L said, starting to become frustrated that he could not say much else, "not a baby."

The not a baby thing was something that Light would argue about with L later, not tonight. Tonight he just had to get him in the diaper. 

"I know you don't want it, Buddy," Light said, "but you might need it in case you have another accident."

"No need," L shook his head, looking down,"no have accident, pw-promise."

If L had been in his big head space, Light would have argued that L did not know if he would have another accident, but L was not in his big head space, so he chose another tactic. Making it seem like it was L’s choice would probably be the best way to convince him to put on the diaper. 

“How about this,” Light started, making L look up, “if you put the diaper on,” L whined and shook his head, so Light said, “listen, Buddy, listen to me. If you put the diaper on now and don’t have an accident, then we do not have to wear one again, okay.” 

“No accident,” L repeated, thinking about it for a second. That actually seemed like a fair trade. L was not 100% sure that he was not going to have another accident, especially with how he was feeling now. But if he did not have an accident, he would not have to worry about the diaper anymore. If he did have an accident, he would cross that road when he got there. Could he do it?

“Yeah, Buddy,” Light said, “if you don’t have an accident, you won’t need a diaper anymore.” 

“No trouble?” L asked. He needed to make sure that he was not in trouble. He had to make sure that he was not a bad boy in Light’s eyes.

“No, you are not in trouble, Buddy,” Light said, “you will never be in trouble for the things that you need.”

“Okay,” L said with a nod. He would do it. 

“Good boy,” Light said, giving the boy a hug, “such a good brave boy.” 

“Good boy?” L asked. 

“Yes, you are such a good boy,” Light said with a smile. 

L snuggled into Light's chest. 

“Okay, let’s get on the floor so we can change, Buddy,” Light said. 

L listened with a deep blush, wanting to get this over with. 

“Good boy,” Light said when L laid down on the floor though he covered his face with Oreo. He kneeled down with the diaper. He kept a close eye on all of L’s reactions. He was tense and obviously embarrassed, but otherwise seemed fine. “Lift your hips, Sweetie.” 

L listened.

“Good boy. Keep your hips up,” Light slid the diaper under L’s hips, “you can put them down now.” 

L had no idea what happened, but when he laid down on the padding, it was like he was taken back in time. Suddenly, the room was too hot and smelled like smoke. His arms and legs and chest hurt really bad. Everything hurt! An angry voice overtook his thoughts of the last time he was in a similar position but completely helpless to do anything about it. 

“You were reckless and could have died.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Sorry is not good enough anymore. You need to be taught a lesson.” 

That is when the diaper was brought out.

“No, I don’t want that, please. I’m not a baby. I’m sorry. I’ll be good.”

“That is enough whining from you. Stop that pathetic crying. You brought this on yourself.” 

Light had no idea what snapped in L. One moment he was okay laying there; the next, he was shouting “no!” and kicking his legs. 

“Shh, L, calm down, Buddy,” Light said, rubbing his tummy, “Everything’s okay, Sweetie.” 

“No!” L screamed, breathing coming out in short, panicked breaths. While he stopped kicking his feet, he reverted back to an old habit. He started to scratch himself to try and regulate everything that was going on inside of his head. His face and arms were the main targets of the attack. 

Light was horrified by the action. He had seen Littles scratch and hit and bite before, but never themselves on purpose. This was completely new territory for him. He did the first thing that he could think of, he grabbed both of L’s wrists in one hand and held them to his chest. L screamed at the action. The scream was full of pure panic. He tried to roll away from Light, but Light was too strong. L sobbed. He did not like it. 

“No! No!” L cried. 

“Shh, Buddy,” Light said in a calm voice, “open your eyes. Look at me.”

L opened his eyes and saw Light in front of him. A small part of his brain was able to recognize that if Light was there, then that meant that he was safe, but a bigger part of his brain thought that he was still in danger.

“That’s it, Buddy. I need you to take a deep breath to calm down,” Light said, modeling the deep breath for L. 

L attempted the deep breath, and it worked a little bit to calm him down. 

“Good boy. Now, I’m going to let go of your hands, and I need you to stay with me, okay?” Light asked, gently rubbing L’s hands. 

L nodded. He wanted to listen. He wanted to be Light’s good boy. So, he tried his best to stay with Light, but as soon as he heard the crinkle of the diaper, he was right back where he was a few seconds ago and scratching at his arms. Yuri whimpered beside them, attempting to nudge L with her nose to try and get him to stop scratching and pet her, but it did not work. 

Light, who was watching L even closer now, saw this and immediately held L’s wrists down. L fought weakly but a few seconds later ended up going limp. He was still sobbing, scratching at his hands because he could reach the skin there. 

Light, knowing that he would not be able to hold L down safely and tape up the diaper, called for his dad. “Dad, I’m gonna need a little help in here!” 

A few seconds later, his father calmly walked into the room, and Light was thankful that his father was calm. L would not be helped by someone who was freaking out. 

“What's going on?" Soichiro asked in a quiet voice. 

"L's scratching himself. Could you hold his arms? I need to get the mittens and diaper on him," Light said quickly. 

L, while too panicked to understand the words exchanged by the men, was able to realize that there was another person in the room. That caused his chest to become all the more tighter. When he felt someone else hold his wrist that could not possibly be Light, L screamed, attempting to twist away from the hands. These hands, however, seemed even stronger than Lights, though they were just as gentle. 

“No, no!” L shouted, attempting to pull his hands away. He did not dare try to hurt anyone else. He just wanted out. He did not like being held by this person. He only liked being held by Light. “No bad. No bad!” 

“No, Buddy, you’re not bad,” and he was not even being ‘bad’ per say, he was having an extreme reaction to trauma, and while he wanted to talk about this fit later with L, he would never be in trouble for stuff like this. “We just gotta get you changed, then we can snuggle and go back to sleep.” 

Light did just that. As gently as he could, he slipped L’s hands into the mittens and velcroed them so that L would not be able to take them off himself. Light then folded the front of the diaper over L’s genitals and quietly tapped it shut then pulled his sweats up. It was not the easiest process with L still squirming, but he was able to do it. 

“C’mere, Buddy, c’mere,” Light said, which his father took as the cue to let go. Light gathered the still crying boy in his arms, holding onto him tightly. As soon as he was in Light’s arms, L stopped squirming and trying to get away, but heartbreaking cries still escaped his mouth. Soichiro wished that he could do something else to help L. He hated seeing a Little in so much pain, but he knew that L would not accept comfort from him, only from Light. So, Soichiro turned and walked back into the living room. 

Light held the boy tightly and started to rock, “shh, shh, It’s okay, Buddy. I gotcha. I gotcha. Everything’s gonna be okay.” 

Yuri, who had been watching the exchange between the men, walked over to L and Light. She licked L’s face. L whined and turned his head, brain not processing that it was Yuri giving him kisses. He was still too upset. At least his surroundings were starting to look more familiar. He knew that he was in his room with Light. That meant he was safe. Light would make all of the bad things go bye bye.

“It’s okay, Sweetie,” Light said rubbing the boy’s back, “Yuri was just giving you kisses.” 

“K-Kissies?” L asked through hiccuping breaths.

“Yeah, Buddy,” Light smiled, “kissies.” 

“Tickles,” L sniffled with a tiny smile.

Light breathed a sigh of relief at the smile, happy that his poor baby was not sobbing anymore. 

“Yuri’s tickling you, Buddy?” Light asked. 

L made a noise of affirmation and buried his face in Light’s neck with a yawn. He was super sleepy. He wanted night night. He wanted Light to hold him as he went night night. 

“Is it time to go back to sleep, Baby?” Light asked, wiping away the rest of L’s tears with his hand. 

Whether L did not process the term ‘Baby’ or did not care, Light did not know. L did nod, “be’time.” 

“Okay, let’s get you back to bed,” Light stood with the boy in his arms. L gasped and held on tight, seemingly not noticing the mittens on his hands. “There you go, Sweetie,” Light said, pulling L’s blanket around him snugly, “go back night night.” 

“I go ni-ni,” L said snuggling deeply into Light’s chest and nuzzling into him. 

“Yeah, you go night night, Buddy,” Light said, rocking the boy back and forth. L hummed and closed his eyes. Yuri climbed into bed with them, and lied down with L, chin resting on his legs. 

“Ni-ni,” L muttered, attempting to stick his mitten covered thumb in his mouth. He did not seem to care as long as he was sucking on something. Thankfully, he was asleep within a few minutes. 

Light did not want to let L go, even when he was asleep, but he knew that he had to go talk to his father. So, he gently extracted himself from L’s hold and laid him down on the bed. 

“Good boy,” Light said, kissing L’s head. 

As soon as he walked into the living room he said, “this is fucked up.” 

Normally, he would not use that type of language with his father, but right now he did not care. It seemed like his father did not care at that moment either. 

“I know,” Soichiro nodded, “unfortunately there is nothing that we can do to fix the past.” 

Light almost wished that they could time travel and save L before anything ever happened to him. He knew that was wishful thinking, but it was nice to think about. 

“I wish there was,” Light shook his head, coming to sit down next to his father, “he is so close to his headspace, but he is fighting it. I wish he would stop fighting.” 

“All you can do is continue to treat him like he is Little until he slips all the way,” Soichiro told him. 

“I know,” Light said with a nod, “I just know that it’ll cause him to panic, though. I hate that he has to go through all of this. All because of that bastard.” 

“All we can do now is help him through it,” Soichiro told him, “show him that everything will be okay.”

“Easier said than done,” Light said, “but there is no way that I am going to abandon him. I love him too much. He needs me.” 

“He does,” Soichiro agreed, “so, let’s get these supplies set up.”

“Sounds great,” Light said, anything to get his mind off of L and L’s past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter L will regress. I promise. 
> 
> I also promise to edit this later. I am not in editing mood.


	21. Regression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L finally regresses.

When Light and his father were done organizing L’s little supplies, Soichiro left to go back home, and Light walked back into L’s room. Light did not think that it would be the best idea for L to wake up alone. L, thankfully, was still curled up, back to the wall. It was almost like he did not want to take up too much space, and it made him look so tiny. 

Light climbed into L’s bed. He ran a hand through L hair and rubbed his back. “Poor, sweet baby,” Light whispered to the sleeping Little. He wished that L would wake up fully in his Little Space. He did not want to see L sad or suffer anymore. Light wanted to show L that it was okay for L to be Little. He had said it plenty of times, but L did not believe him. The only way that he would be able to believe anything that Light was telling him was if he regressed fully. 

Tomorrow, he would worry about that tomorrow. Right now, he needed some more sleep. Tomorrow would not be an easy day for either of them. They both needed rest. It was time to join L in dreamland.

…

L yawned and hummed as he woke up. He was all warm and comfortable and L felt fuzzy things all around him. It was so nice. All he wanted to do was snuggle deeper into the fuzzy warmth. So, that is what he did. Where was his Oreo, or his Matsui? He wanted them. L cracked open his eyes. He would close them and go back to sleep once he found his stuffies. 

L smiled once he saw Oreo he reached out to try and grab him, but he saw something on his hands. L whined. He did not like what was on his hands. He attempted to take them off, but he could not. L pouted and whined again. He did not like it. He wanted them off. 

“Hey, Sweetie, what’s wrong?” L heard Light said. He was sitting up in bed, his hair messy from sleep. Light kind of looked like him with his messy hair. Under any other circumstances he would have laughed at Light’s messy hair, but right now, he was too upset to find anything funny. 

“Off,” L whined, pawing at the mittens. That was when he noticed the scratches on his arms. He remembered some of last night, but he did not remember stretching himself but knew that must be what happened, “I’m sorry. Off, pw-please. I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah, I’ll take them off, Buddy,” Light said, “it’s okay, you’re not in trouble, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t scratch yourself.”

“I’m sow-sorry,” L pouted. Pulling his hands to his chest once Light took the mittens off.

“It’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry about,” if anyone should be sorry, it should be Watari. Wanting to get off that train of thought, Light asked, “how are you feeling, Buddy?” as he ran his hand through L’s messy hair and handed the boy his stuffed puppy. He noted that Yuri was still sleeping at the foot of the bed.

“Weird,” L said, rubbing his eyes.

Light’s eyebrows furrowed, “what do you mean, Honey.” 

“Fuzzy,” L said pointing at his head, “all weird.”

“That’s okay, it’s just your body telling you, you need to regress,” Light said, deciding that it was time to bring it up. L needed to regress no matter how much he did not want to. 

“No,” L shook his head, tears pooling in his eyes, “no ‘gress. Notta baby.” 

“C’mere, Honey, c’mere,” Light said, opening his arms wide to invite L into a hug. 

L squirmed to sit up. He wanted a hug! That is when he felt squishiness under his bottom. He remembered why he got so upset last night. Light put a diaper on him after he agreed that as long as he did not have an accident again he did not have to wear diapers anymore. He broke his promise. Now he would be stuck in diapers forever. Tears started to stream down his face. He did not want to be stuck in diapers forever. He was not a baby!

“Shh, Baby,” Light said, pulling the baby close to him and the boy squirmed and buried his face in Light’s chest. “Everything’s okay.”

“No ‘kay,” L said, starting to sob again, “no baby.” 

“You are a baby,” Light said, starting to rock the boy again. By this time, Yuri woke up due to all of the noise L was making. She tried to comfort the boy by licking him and nudging him. 

“No!” L shouted, attempting to pull away from Light and ignoring Yuri’s attempt at comfort, “no baby!” He did not want Light to say this stuff. He was not a baby. He was a big boy! He could not be a baby

“Yes,” Light said, kissing the top of the boy’s head, getting Yuri to lay down, she licked at L’s arms. “It’s okay,” Light continued, “there is nothing wrong with being a baby. Nothing, Sweet Baby.” 

“No, no,” L pouted, tears streaming down his face, “not.”

“I gotcha, Buddy, I gotcha. Stop fighting it. It’s not good to fight it,” Light told him, and it was not good for L to fight his regression. It would put too much stress on him, and now more than ever L needed to be able to relax and not be stressed. 

“Can’t,” L whined, noticing Yuri now, reaching down to pet her, relaxing slightly at the feeling of her fur. 

“You’re okay, Buddy,” Light whispered into L’s ear, “you’re safe. I promise you are safe. Nothing is going to hurt you.” 

“Light, pwease,” L begged. He did not know what he was begging for, but that did not matter. He was starting to feel smaller and smaller. It was scary. He did not want to feel small. He wanted to be a big boy. He did not want to be a baby. Being a baby was bad. He did not want to be a bad boy. 

“I’m right here, Baby,” Light said, “I’m right here. Nothing bad will happen, I promise. I’ll take care of you.”

“No,” L sobbed loudly. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, he could not fight his regression anymore. It was all too much. The comfort of Light holding him and his fuzzy blanket and Oreo and Yuri all worked together to make him feel little and safe. He plummeted into Little Space with a sob. Everything around him was so big. L whimpered, holding onto Light tighter. He felt so tiny. It was not as scary as he thought it would be. It was still comforting to be in Light’s arms. His arms were so big and strong. L nuzzled against Light’s neck and hummed when he smelled Light’s pheromones. They smelled like lavender and honey. It was so comforting. It made him feel safe. He was with Light so of course he was safe. His tears slowly stopped and he melted against Light. He brought his thumb to his mouth and suckled. That felt nice. There was something in the back of his mind that told him that he should not enjoy that. But it was so quiet that it was easy to ignore. 

Light could tell when L was completely regressed by his pheromones. Light smiled, looked down at L. L looked up too. His eyes were red as was his nose and cheeks. His cheeks were stained with tears and his nose was running. He had his thumb in his mouth and was holding Oreo to his chest. He had an innocent, trusting sparkle in his eyes. 

“Hey there, Baby,” Light said, wiping the remaining tears from his face. L leaned into the touch. 

“Hi,” L whispered past his thumb. He did not want to stop suckling. 

Light knew that he needed to be gentle here. L would be extremely sensitive and likely confused and scared. He wanted to make L’s first regression a good time. He wanted L to have good memories of regression. While he knew that there was no way that this would fix everything that happened to L, it could be a start. 

“How about we get you changed and get some breakfast?” Light asked. 

L nodded. He was super hungry and thirsty (his head was starting to hurt) and he did not want the wet diaper on anymore. He did not want to wear a diaper at all, but he knew that Light would want him in one. He did not want to fight it. Everything was so warm and comfortable and L did not want it to end. He wanted Light to keep holding him. He had to do as Light said. 

“Good boy,” Light said, kissing his cheek. 

L cooed and smiled. He wanted to be Light’s good boy. 

He rested his head against Light’s shoulder when Light stood. He cooed again. He liked being in Light’s arms and liked being held. He wrapped his free arm, that he was still holding Oreo, around Light’s shoulder and legs around his waist. It felt nice. 

“Hey, L?” Light asked, L looked up and saw that Light was holding the pacifier that he hid under his pillow, “do you want your pacifier?” 

L thought about it for a second. He did like the pacifier a lot but he had never used it in front of anyone else. But Light was safe and never ever did anything to hurt him. Light never even yelled or raised his voice, so it should be fine, right? With those thoughts, L nodded. He pulled his thumb out of his mouth and opened his mouth for the pacifier. 

Light was surprised by the easy acceptance, but he did not show that surprise on his face, he simply kept the kind smile on his face. He pushed the pacifier into the baby’s mouth. L hummed happily and placed his head on Light's shoulder. 

“Sweet boy,” Light praised while he subtly checked L’s diaper, “let’s get your diaper changed, okay?” 

L nodded again, burrowing further into Light’s side. 

Light walked over to L’s closet where he put a few diapers and picked out a diaper, not putting L down until he was ready to change him. 

L whimpered when he was put down on his back. He lifted his arms. He did not want to be put down. Light grabbed his hands gently and kissed his knuckles. “I know you wanna snuggle. I do too, but we go to change your diaper first. We don’t want to get a rash, do we?” 

“Nu-uh,” L shook his head. Rashes hurt. L did not want to be hurt. He didn’t want any owies. 

“Then let’s get you changed, then I’ll get us some breakfast. After breakfast we can snuggle and play for a little bit. How does that sound?” Light asked, rubbing the baby’s tummy.

L nodded. He really, really wanted all of that. That all sounded nice. And Light was going to be there the whole time. That was even better. He wanted Light. 

“Good boy,” Light praise, “now, lift your hips.” 

L listened with a blush. He used Oreo to hide, but listened to everything that Light was doing. He didn’t want to get upset and hurt himself. 

Light sighed as he saw L hide again. It would take a while for L to get used to diaper changes, and Light knew that, but Light also knew a few techniques to help that process. 

“Oh, no!” Light exclaimed with a gasp, as he pulled down L’s sweats, “where did my baby go?”

L, confused because it was obvious that he was still right there, peeked out from Oreo to look at Light. As soon as L did that, Light smiled brightly, “there he is! Don’t scare me like that, Buddy, I thought you disappeared.” 

L cocked his head to one side, more confused for a second before he grinned. Light was playing! He wanted to play with Light! So, the baby covered his face with Oreo again, giggling as Light gasped. 

“My baby disappeared again!” Light exclaimed as he untapped the wet diaper and pulled it out from under the now giggling baby. He did not remove Oreo this time. “Oh, no! Now, he’s not coming back. What do you think, Yuri, should I go look for him?” 

“Boo!” L exclaimed, remembering when Ms. Charlie played peek-a-boo with him when he was younger until Watari said he was too old for the game. 

Light gasped again, holding his hand over his heart, “cheeky, Baby,” Light said rubbing L’s tummy, “how do you keep disappearing on me?” 

“Ghost!” L exclaimed with a giggle because that is what Ms. Charlie would say when he asked. 

“I have a ghost baby?” Light asked, chuckling at the response. 

“Yeah!” L exclaimed, eyes bright in happiness. 

“Well, can my ghost baby lift up before you disappear again?” Light asked. L listened, thankfully not blushing this time. He wanted to keep playing with Light. He hid again when Light told him to put his hips down. 

“Silly baby,” Light said, tapping up the diaper while L squirmed and giggled, “such a squirmy baby.” 

L giggled peeking out from Oreo and saying, “boo,” and hiding again. 

“I’m gonna give you something to squirm about,” Light threatened playfully after pulling up L’s sweats. 

“Huu?” L asked, threats like that were not normally so playful. Did Light not want to squirm? But, they were playing. He wanted to keep playing!

Light unknowingly brought L out of those scary thoughts when he tickled his tummy. L squealed and giggled and squirmed. He was always ticklish and loved being tickled gently. When Light stopped a few seconds later, L smiled broadly and said, “‘gain!” 

“Want more tickles?” Light asked.

L nodded. L giggled before Light touched him and squealed and giggled happily when Light started tickling him again. 

“Such a silly baby,” Light said, gathering L up in his arms when he stopped giggling from the tickling. 

L easily snuggled into Light’s chest with a smile. 

“Let’s go get some breakfast, Baby,” Light said. 

L nodded, tummy rumbling in agreement. 

“Well, let’s get up, then,” Light said, standing with the baby in his arms. Yuri followed him, ready to go outside and have her bowl filled. 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do,” Light started once he entered the living room, “I’m gonna let Yuri outside, then I’ll warm up some leftovers for us to eat. Then we’ll let Yuri in and get her food. Then we can watch T.V. or play.” 

L nodded, liking that idea. 

“Do you wanna hang out on the couch or at the table?” Light asked, wanting to give L as many choices as possible. 

L pointed at the table. He did not want to be too far away from Light if Light was going to put him down. 

“Okay, Sweet Boy,” Light told him, sitting him down at one of the kitchen table chairs, “you okay, Buddy?” 

L nodded, still holding Oreo close to his chest and suckling one his pacifier. 

“Stay right there,” Light ordered gently, ruffling his hair. 

“Otay,” L muttered, watching as Light went through his morning routine. The kitchen had a door to the back porch and backyard. He put Yuri on a long leash, connected to a stake in the ground so that Yuri could do her business in their part of the yard. Light might ask L later if he wanted to go play outside. It was starting to get warm and they had a couple of playgrounds for children and Littles. If L did not feel comfortable going over there yet they could just play in the yard with Yuri. He thought that L might like that. 

“Do you want something to drink, Buddy?” Light asked, already getting a sippy cup. 

L nodded. He was super thirsty. He wanted something to drink. 

“Do you want some juice?” Light asked, thinking that he knew the answer. L liked juice as much as tea or coffee. 

“Yeah!” L exclaimed. He liked juice! 

“Here you go, Baby,” Light said, putting the sippy cup in front of him. 

L wanted to protest the sippy cup, but it looked nice. He found himself wanting to drink from it. His big boy thoughts being mostly out of his head made it easier to take his pacifier out of his mouth and drink from the sippy cup. Plus, he was so thirsty. 

Light smiled. He saw L hesitate, but was so happy when he accepted the sippy cup. This was going much easier than Light expected, which he was thankful for. He was not going to assume that everything was going to be okay for now, but he was going to take the blessings as they came. 

Light had cooked a few things that he could warm up for later a couple of nights ago. He thought that L might be too clingy if he did regress (which he kind of was) for Light to be able to cook, or too impatient. He pulled out some egg fried rice out of the fridge and warmed it up for a minute. While waiting for the food to warm up, he let Yuri in and filled her food bowl.

“Here you go, Buddy,” Light said, putting a bowl of fried rice in front of L. He would see if L could feed himself. If he could not, Light would have no problems feeding him. 

L spooned up some of the rice and attempted to bring it to his mouth. He succeeded but it was hard. Harder than it should have been. L whined as he nearly missed his mouth. He made a mess of his face when he got most of the rice on the spoon on his face and not in his mouth. L whimpered again. He was hungry. He just wanted to be able to eat. It was not fair that he couldn’t. 

“Hey, Baby,” Light said, pausing in his own eating, “do you need some help?” 

L sniffled and nodded, handing his spoon to Light, “hewp.” 

“Okay, Baby Boy,” Light smiled, taking the spoon from the baby, “thank you for letting me help.” 

L did not hesitate in opening his mouth to let Light help. 

“Messy baby,” Light teased when L was done eating. He took a napkin to clean L’s face. 

L made a small noise of protest and shook his head. 

“Sorry, Buddy,” Light apologized, “can’t let you be all messy.” 

“No,” L shook his head. He did not like being messy. L then picked up his sippy cup and asked in a sweet voice, “mowe, pwea’.” 

“Okay, I’ll get you more juice,” Light said, “do you wanna watch some cartoons?” 

L nodded, “pway?” 

“Yeah, I’ll get you a couple of toys,” Light said, picking up the baby and handing him his sippy cup. He picked up the couple of bags of toys that his father brought for L. 

Light sat down with L in his lap in front of the coffee table. L took a couple of drinks of his juice before putting it on the coffee table. He peered into one of the bags, curious what was in there, but he did not know if he could take anything out. 

“Go ahead. Take something out,” Light prompted gently. 

L nodded and without hesitation pulled out a toy. It was a small keyboard with three keys of different colors. Light turned on the toy and said, “press it.” 

L, curious as always, pressed the orange button. L giggled when the keyboard started to play a song. 

“That’s really cool, isn’t it?” Light asked. 

L smiled and nodded, pushing the button again when it got done playing the song. L clipped. He looked back at Light. 

“Yay,” Light clapped along with the baby, “let’s see what the green one does.” 

Light nodded and pushed the green button as prompted. It played a different, cheery song. When that one was over, L pushed the last button and had a similar reaction to the rest of the songs. 

“Mowe?” L asked when he was done with the keyboard toy. 

“Yeah, go ahead,” Light nodded, knowing that they would soon have a mess of toys on and around the coffee table. Not that Light minded that at all. He was simply happy that L was enjoying himself. 

L pulled out a toy. It was an animal looking toy with holes on it’s back. L cocked his head and looked at Light with confused eyes. He did not know what he was supposed to do with this toy. 

“Here, Baby,” Light smiled at the confused look. He took the back off of the hedgehog, revealing some peg looking quills. “You need to take the pegs and put them in his back,” Light explained as he dumped the pegs onto the table and reattached the hedgehog’s back. 

L smiled at the explanation, doing as Light said. 

“Puwpw’,” L said as he picked up a purple peg. 

“Smart boy,” Light praised, kissing the top of his head.

L smiled at the compliment and put the peg into the toy’s back. 

“Wed,” L said as he picked up a red peg, “thwee wed.” 

“That’s right, Baby,” Light smiled, as L put the red peg into the toy, “how many are left?” 

“Two,” L said, lifting up two fingers. He picked up another red peg and placed it in the toy.

“One,” L said, putting one finger down. He did the same with the last red peg. 

“No mowe!” L cheered, “Zewo wed.” 

“You’re such a cute, smart baby,” Light praised.

L squirmed in Light's lap so that he could give Light a hug, “wove.” 

Light’s chest felt warm when L said that. Light smiled and hugged the baby back. “I love you too, Baby Boy.” 

L made a noise of happiness. He was not used to hearing ‘I love you’ back even when he said it first. So, the fact that Light said it back was the best thing ever to him. 

“You’re so sweet,” Light said, patting the baby’s back. 

“Pway,” L said after a few minutes of the hug. He loved the hug (Light gave the bestest hugs ever), but L still wanted to play. 

“Yeah, you play, Baby,” Light said. 

L listened, turning in Light’s lap and continuing to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby L will stay for a couple more chapters. After not being allowed to regress for nearly a decade, he deserves some time to enjoy being regressed. Specifically next chapter, L and Light are going to continue to play and snuggle. During L's nap, Light is going to get a phone call with some bad news concerning Watari.


	22. Coloring Outside the Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light continue to play and have a few rough conversations.

“Dones,” L clapped when he was all done with the hedgehog toy, “‘gain.” 

“Do you wanna do it again?” Light asked with a smile. Watching the baby play was the best thing. L was fully relaxed (shoulders not even tense) for once and smiling brightly 

“Yeah!” L exclaimed, nodding, “‘gain, pwea’!”

“Okay, let’s get the pegs out,” Light told him, helping the baby do just that.

“Yay,” L clapped again. He was happy!

“Cute baby,” Light cooed, kissing the top of L’s head. 

L blushed at the compliment and squirmed, hiding his face. 

“Aww, don’t be embarrassed, Baby,” Light said with a small chuckle as he tightened his hold on L. He nuzzled against L’s hair and kissed the top of his head. 

L, cheeks still slightly pink, uncovered his face and returned to his previous task. He was not sure why Light’s words embarrassed him so much, but it was not just that. Warmth settled in his chest at the compliment. He was not used to compliments and he liked Light’s compliments. But, that compliment was not true. L liked it when Light called him a “smart baby” or even “silly baby” because those were true. L was not cute. He did not want Light to lie just to give him a compliment. 

“No cute,” L whispered.

That made Light pause before he remembered how L described himself before they went to the fair “pale,” “scrawny,” and “rude” was how to describe himself. It was not the first time he was self deprecating. L called himself rude and lazy on multiple occasions, and while he had never outright called himself ugly, he obviously thought that he was. That was absolutely heartbreaking to Light. He knew that L had low self-esteem, but at first he thought it was because people were assholes to him in public. While that was still not okay, but now he knew it was because of a lifetime of abuse from the people that should have loved and protected him. They needed to work on that. L deserved to be happy and that meant he needed to have better self esteem. 

“You are so cute,” Light told him. 

L whined, clearly uncomfortable, “no,” the baby shook his head. 

Light rearranged L on his lap so that he was sideways in his lap. L looked up at Light with wide eyes. Was he in trouble for arguing? L whimpered and squirmed. He would not fight anymore. He did not want to be in trouble. 

“I think you are very cute,” Light smiled, running a hand through the baby’s messy hair. “I think you have a cute little nose,” here Light poked L’s nose. L gasped and covered his nose with his hand. “I think your eyes are pretty,” Light continued. The only thing that he hated about L’s eye were the dark circles under them. Light hoped that without the suppressants and better sleep schedule, the dark circles would soon disappear. “You have cute little cheeks,” Light said, pinching L’s cheek lightly. L giggled and covered his cheeks. “Your giggle is adorable,” Light told him and he was so happy that L was laughing more now, “and I know how to get you to do it more,” Light wiggled his fingers over L’s tummy. L giggled and squirmed before Light even touched him. Once Light tickled his tummy, L squealed and curled up. Light stopped after a couple of seconds and hugged the baby tightly. He felt L nuzzle into his neck with a giggle. 

“I know you don’t believe it, Baby Boy,” Light said, rocking back and forth slowly, “but you are such a adorable and cute little baby. You shouldn’t let anyone tell you anything different.” 

L did not say anything else, simply holding into Light tighter and trying not to cry. No one was ever this nice to him. He could not understand why Light was being so to him. 

“I gotcha, Baby Boy,” Light whispered, patting his back, “I love you so much.” 

“Wove ‘oo,” L said, sniffling and sucking his thumb in his mouth to suckle.

“Here’s your paci, Baby,” Light said, “we don’t want you hurting your thumb.” 

L removed the digit from his mouth and opened his mouth to accept his pacifier. 

“Sweet Baby,” Light smiled, “do you wanna keep playing?” 

L nodded, “wants diffwen’,” the baby said, pointing to the bag. 

“Okay, you pick a different toy,” Light said. 

L moved so that he could sit up. He looked in the bag, "dis," L said, taking a coloring book out, "cowow!" 

"I think the crayons are in the other bag," Light said, setting the baby next to him, "let me get them."

"Otay," L said, watching Light as he stood and walked to the other side of the room to retrieve the crayons. 

"T'ank 'oo!" L smiled, reaching for the crayons. He wanted to color. "Wight does wif."

"Of course I'll color with you, Baby Boy," Light said with a smile. With how L was talking, he knew that he would not pronounce his name correctly, but it was so adorable. 

"T'ank 'oo!" L exclaimed and clapped. 

Light was starting to love L excited clapping. It was so adorable. 

“You’re welcome, Baby,” Light smiled, sitting down next to the baby. L leaned up against Light.

“Aww, snuggly baby,” Light cooed squeezing L’s shoulders before turning his attention to the coloring book in L’s hands, “what do you wanna color, Baby?” 

L shrugged, placing the animal coloring book on the table. He flipped through a couple of pictures before settling on a picture of a big teddy bear cuddling a smaller teddy bear. L cooed and pointed at the picture, “dat.” 

“Okay, you color in that one, Baby,” Light encouraged, “can I color this one?” Light pointed to the picture next to L’s.

“Uh-ha,” L said with a tiny nod.

L then picked up a blue crayon by his pointer and index finger. L suckled on his pacifier a little harder to concentrate on his coloring. He needed to stay inside of the lines. He was trying really, really hard to stay within the lines, but he could not. After a few times of going outside of the lines, L whimpered and tears streamed down his face. 

“Hey, what’s wrong, Baby?” Light asked when L became upset seemingly out of nowhere. 

“No stay,” L sniffled, wiping his eyes and becoming frustrated. 

“What do you mean, Sweet Boy?” Light asked.

“In wine,” L’s lower jaw trembled, “no stay.”

Light supposed that he should not be surprised that L would be considered about staying in the lines. He thought that he had to be perfect. “That doesn’t matter, Baby. What matters is that you have fun with it.” 

“Wuwe,” L told him.

“It’s a rule?” Light asked, and L nodded, “who’s rule?” 

“Wata’i’s wuwe,” L whispered. 

Of course Watari would be concerned with something as stupid as that. Watari probably thought that if a kid did not reach developmental milestones like that on time that they were little. Which could be a sign that they were little, but they should never be shamed for something like that. And no child should have a rule that they had to stay within the lines when they colored. That was such a stupid rule. Of course, Light could not say it like that, but he did say, “I think that is a silly rule, Baby Boy.”

“Bu’ wan’...” L looked down when he could not complete the sentence.

“What do you want?” Light asked. 

“Wan’ pwfec’ fow ‘oo,” L told him.

“Baby, listen to me,” Light said, wrapping an arm around L’s shoulders, “whatever you make for me will be perfect. You know why” 

“Why?” L asked, genuinely curious. 

“Because it came from you,” Light said, poking L’s nose, “whatever you make will be perfect. I’ll love it.” 

“Pwomise?” L asked. He wanted Light to love it. He wanted to make Light proud. 

“Of course I promise,” Light said, kissing L’s cheek. 

L giggled and squirmed at the affection. 

While Light hated that L got upset so easily, he was also happy that L was just as easy to calm down and make happy again. “Sweet baby.” 

Thankfully, after the assurances that it was okay to color outside of the lines, L did not get upset when he did. 

“Dones!” L exclaimed, “Wight wikes?”

“I love it, Baby,” Light said.

“It Dada beaw,” L told Light, pointing to the big bear he colored blue, “‘nd baby beaw,” L pointed to the small bear that he colored red.

“Baby bear? Like you?” Light asked with a smile. 

“I no baby beaw!” L exclaimed happily. 

“Then what are you?” Light asked. 

“I baby L,” L said. 

“Well I guess I can’t argue with that, can I?” Light said, rubbing L’s back, “my cute baby L.” 

“Wight’s baby,” L muttered, looking down with a small smile. 

“Yeah, you’re my baby,” Light assured.

L yawned resting back against Light. Snuggling against him. 

“Aw, is my baby getting sleepy?” Light asked, gathering the baby in his arms. 

“Yeah,” L said and pouted, “no want sweepy.” 

“I know,” Light said, “it’s stinky getting all sleepy, isn’t it?” 

“Wants pway,” L said, rubbing his eyes. 

“I know, Sweet Boy,” Light said, happy that L wanted to play but knowing that he needed a nap, “but your heart is still healing, Baby Boy. You need lots of rest.” 

“Heawt owie?” L asked, cocking his head. 

“Yeah, your heart has an owie, so you need plenty of rest” Light explained, “we can play after your nap.” 

“Nap time,” L yawned, picking up Oreo, who had fallen out of L’s arms at some point when L and Light were playing. “Bed ‘nd Ma’sui ‘nd bwankie ‘nd snuggw, pwea’,” L asked. 

“Yeah,” Light said, standing with L in his arms, “we can do that, Baby Boy.” 

L gave a sleepy smile, snuggling deeper into Light. Yuri immediately followed them into L’s room. 

“Let’s change your diaper first,” Light said after he subtly checked L’s diaper to feel that it was a little squishy. 

“No wet,” L said, sounding confused, obviously not noticing that he wet during his play. 

Light knew that sometimes Littles, especially ones as young as L, did not not always notice when they needed to go potty. That was why they needed to wear diapers in Little Space.

“You’re a little wet, Baby Boy,” Light said, bouncing the baby, causing L to whine. “It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light said, “let’s get you changed then we can go night night.” 

“Ni-ni,” L mumbled, too sleepy to truly care about his wet diaper, “ni-ni time.” 

“Yeah,” Light said, taking that wet diaper off of the baby, “we are going to go ni-ni.” 

L hummed and yawned. 

“Aw, sleepy baby,” Light cooed, quickly taping up the diaper, knowing that L would not last too much longer, “c’mere, Baby.” 

“Wight,” L muttered. 

“Yeah, Baby,” Light said, sitting down on L's bed to cuddle L like he wanted, “I gotcha, Baby Boy.”

Light handed L his teddy bear and covered the baby with his fuzzy blanket, tucking it around him. L hummed at the fuzzy warmth and nuzzled against Light’s neck. Yuri hopped up on the bed to get some cuddles too. 

“Look baby, Yuri wants cuddles,” Light said, petting the dog.

“Yuwi,” L smiled as he reached out to pet his friend. 

“Good boy,” Light praised, “now let’s close our eyes and go ni-ni.” 

“Ni-ni,” L muttered, eyes dropping closed, “wove ‘oo.” 

“Love you too, Sweet Boy,” Light said with a smile. Light gently started to rock L back and forth slowly and hummed a lullaby under his breath. 

Thankfully, it did not take L ten minutes to go limp against Light, and Light heard soft snores from the baby. 

“Sweet baby boy,” Light cooed, running a hand through L’s hair. While Light wanted to continue holding the little boy while he slept, he knew that he needed to get some chores done, so he gently extracted himself from L’s hold and slipped out from under him and laid him on the bed. L grumbled in his sleep and curled up.

Just as Light got done cleaning up L’s toys, he got a phone call from dad. 

“Hey, Dad,” Light answered the phone. 

“Light, we have some bad news about Watari…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, evil, evil ending.   
> Next chapter, Light's dad gives him the bad news. IDK if I will have L and Soichiro interactions next chapter. Might be a little too soon.


	23. Snuggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soichiro tells Light about Watari and L wakes up from his nap.

Light felt his heart stop for a few terrifying seconds, “what happened?” Light asked. 

“When Watari made bail, I asked his lawyer to keep a close eye on him. The lawyer agreed. He is not very happy about having to defend a little abuser. When Watari missed his appointment with the lawyer, he called me. A few of my officers and I went to his hotel. Light, Watari is missing. It looks like he took his phone and wallet. I currently have an officer staking out his hotel and we are calling all of the local airports. But Watari has either fled the country, is planning on fleeing or…" Soichiro left the last possibility hanging in the air. 

"He could be planning on taking L, " Light whispered, stomach twisting at the thought. If Watari escaped Light would be angry about it because he would be escaping justice but at least L would be safe. If he was planning on taking L or getting into contact with L, that would be detrimental to L, especially since he had no idea how L would react to slipping. It could end up ruining everything. 

"Yes," Soichiro said with dread in his voice, "as much as it would upset him, I would like to talk to Ryuzaki about where Watari could be."

"L's regressed right now, Dad," Light said. 

"What?" Soichiro gasped in both surprise and relief. 

"Yeah, he had a nightmare last night and that caused him to mostly slip, but with some assurances, he slipped fully. He's napping right now. We'll have to wait until he is in his but headspace to ask him anything," Light explained. 

"Okay," Soichiro replied, "it will slow down the investigation, but I am not willing to re-traumatize Ryuzaki for it."

"Thank you, Dad," Light breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that some police officers would not be so nice. Police had a dark history of harassing Littles. It was so much better than it was even just a decade ago with laws changing and police education and training changing but it was not perfect. Some officers would insist on talking to L regressed or not or even insist that he should come out of his headspace in order to talk to them. 

"I would still like to send an officer to stake out your apartment," Soichiro told him. 

Light rolled his eyes as his dad went into both overprotective father and overprotective police officer mode at the same time. 

"I live on the first floor of a three story apartment complex. There is no way that L won't notice a strange car parked outside," Light told him, "especially if someone is inside of the car."

Soichiro sighed, "that's true, but I want to be able to protect you and Ryuzaki."

"I know, Dad," Light said, "and, honestly, because we do not know where Watari is it would not be a bad idea to have someone here."

That was when Soichiro offered to stay over for a few days. Light never thought that his father would offer and he wanted to take his father up on the offer. 

"I would love that, but L's gonna know somethings wrong if you spend a few night's over," Light said. 

They continued to talk. Their biggest concern was L. Both his safety, and his comfort and security in Little Space. They wanted to make regressing a pleasant experience for him. So, they needed to treat him like a child and protect him as much as possible. Then, once he was in his adult headspace, they could lay everything out on the table. In the end, they decided that Soichiro would come over during the evenings until L fell asleep or was close to it. Then, they would call someone to stake out the apartment. Night was the most likely time that Watari would do anything, and if he decided to do something during the day, Light would be there because it was summer vacation for him and he made enough money on the Kira Task Force to more than pay for everything that they would need, so he did not need to work. 

"Sounds great, Dad. I'll see you tonight," Light sighed as he hung up his phone. He just hoped that L would not be too anxious about seeing his father. 

…

L yawned and stretched as he woke up. He looked around the room. He was confused for a second. Where was he? Why was he in a bed surrounded by fuzzy things? 

Oh yeah, he was in his room at Light's house. At Light's house, he had his own room with a nice, big bed with his fuzzy blanket and stuffed toys. 

L yawned as he snuggled back into the warmth of the covers, suckling on his pacifier. He did not want to get up yet. He was still a little sleepy. 

It seemed like someone else had a different idea, however. 

"No, no puppy," L said as Yuri licked his face. He rolled over so that his back was to Yuri, but that did not stop her. She nudged him with her nose and put her paw on his shoulder. "I sweepin', puppy." 

Light, who heard L talking from the living room, smiled. He walked silently over to L's room. Peeking in, he saw L on his back, trying to shield his face from Yuri's tongue. 

"Aww, is Yuri buggin' you, Baby?" Light asked. 

L sat up as soon as he heard Light's voice with a bright smile. "Wight!" L lifted his arms up. “Yuwi kissies buggin’ me. Ups, Pwea’.” 

Light chuckled, picking the baby up, “Yuri just wants to give you loves,” he explained. 

“Does woves Yuwi,” L said, snuggling into Light’s chest. 

Not exactly what he meant, but that was so cute that Light could not help but smile, “I’m happy that you love Yuri. I think Yuri loves you too.” 

L smiled, “woves Yuwi.” 

“Sweet baby,” Light praised, kissing the baby’s cheek. He subtly checked L’s diaper. “Let’s change your diaper then we can go play.” 

L whined and shook his head, “no, no change.” 

“Yes, we are gonna change you,” Light said firmly, “we don’t want you to get rashes, do we?” 

“No owies,” L pouted. He did not want any owies but he did not want a change either. 

“So, we’ll be super fast so we can go play,” Light told him, laying him down, “how's that sound?” 

“Wittwe hung’y,” L said, pointing to his tummy as Light untapped his diaper. 

“You wanna snack?” Light asked wiping L’s diaper area. 

“Yeah,” L said with a nod. 

“What do you want?” Light asked.

“Um,” L mumbled, thinking about what he wanted, “wants cookies, pwea’?” 

“Sure, Buddy,” Light told him. He had not been asking for sweets that much (surprisingly). He had a few pieces of candy in the hospital and that was it. Light was starting to suspect that a lot of the sweets were forced onto L and that was absolutely heartbreaking to Light if that was true. 

“T’ank ‘oo,” L said. 

“Such a polite baby,” Light smiled, “I love your manners.” 

L smiled shyly at the praise.

“Okay, up we go,” Light said, picking the baby back up, “let’s get your cookies.” 

“Wait,” L said, pointing toward the bed. 

“What is it, Baby?” Light asked him, looking at the bed. 

“Oweo,” L said, “Ma’sui.”

“Yeah, Baby,” Light said, “let’s get your stuffies.” Light picked up the stuffies and handed them to L. L smiled brightly, hugging his stuffed animals to his chest. He loved snuggling with his stuffies. He loved having stuffies again. He wanted more of them, but he thought that would make him selfish to ask for more. So, he was grateful for the ones that he had. 

“Do you want some milk with your cookies?” Light asked, putting L down on the same chair he ate breakfast at. 

“Yeah, pwea’,” L said politely, then blushed as he said, “sippy pwea.” 

“Of course you can have a sippy cup,” Light said, “you could have a bottle if you wanted to,” Light watched L’s reaction to the words. 

Thankfully, the baby did not seem upset by the words. He simply shook his head and said. “Wants sippy.” 

“Okay, Baby,” Light said, “that’s fine.” 

“T’ank ‘oo, Wight” L said with a smile when Light put a couple cookies and milk down in front of him. He put Oreo and Matsui in the chair next to him. He did not want them to get all dirty. 

“You’re welcome, Sweet Boy,” Light said, sitting down next to the baby. 

“Wight wants cookie?” L asked, trying to hand his second cookie to Light. 

“Thank you, Baby, but no,” Light said, “I’m not hungry.” 

“Otay,” L nodded, munching on his cookie. 

After L was done with his cookies and was drinking his milk, Light decided that he needed to bring up that his dad would be coming over. The more warning that he got, the less that he would be nervous when he did show up. 

“We are going to have a guest over later,” Light told him.

“Guest?” L said, tummy already twisting in anxiety. What if the guest was mean to him or got angry.

“Yes, Baby,” Light said, “my dad’s gonna come right before dinner. Around five.” 

“Wight’s dada,” L muttered to himself, tenseness in his shoulders relaxing slightly at the information that the person coming over was Light’s dad. Yagami-San was nice and did not get angry too often and he did not yell and he was a Caregiver. It should be okay, but he was still nervous about being around someone that was not Light. 

“Yeah, my daddy’s coming over,” Light said, noticing that L relaxed slightly at the information. Adult L respected his father and Light hoped that fact makes everything a little bit easier. 

“No yewwin’?” L whispered, hesitantly voice his worst fear. 

“Come here, Sweet Boy,” Light said, opening his arms to invite L into a hug. L did not hesitate to grab his toys and climb into Light’s lap. He snuggled deeply into Light's chest, nuzzling into Light’s neck. He felt the soothing warmth wash him over him.

Yuri, who could feel the distress coming off of her Little human, whimpered and walked over to him to offer comfort by resting her head on his knees. Her Little human accepted the comfort and pet her head. 

“No one’s gonna yell at you, Sweet Boy,” Light told him, bouncing the baby on his knees and putting the pacifier in L’s mouth, “no one’s gonna yell at you or hurt you. I would never ever let someone do that to you. You’re such a precious baby boy, no one’s going to hurt you.” 

“No huwt?” L asked, suckling hard on his pacifer. 

“That’s right, Baby,” Light gave him a small smile, “no one’s going to hurt you, especially not my dad.” 

“Wight stay?” L asked. 

“Yes, I’ll be right here the whole time,” Light said, “and I’ll give you snuggles if you need them.” 

“Snuggwes,” L said with a tiny smile. 

“Yes, I’ll give you as many snuggles as you need,” Light said, holding onto L a little tighter, knowing that L liked the deep pressure, “my little snuggle monster.” 

“Gww,” L growled playfully, “I snuggwe mon’tw,” L giggled. 

Light gasped playfully, “what does this little snuggle monster do?” 

“Steaw awl snuggwes,” L said, wrapping his arms around Light’s shoulders to squeeze Light back. 

“Well, it’s good that I don’t mind my snuggles being stolen,” Light said, kissing the baby on the forehead. L giggled. The baby took the pacifier out of his mouth and kissed Light cheek. “Aww, what a sweet baby.” 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Light noticed that Yuri was standing by the back door.

“I think Yuri’s telling us it’s time to go outside,” Light said. 

“Pway outside?” L asked, “fetch?” 

“Yuri would love that, Baby,” Light told him, picking him up and carrying him outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Soichiro will come over and L will be a very nervous baby at first.

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and kudos are appreciated.


End file.
